


Intertwining Stories

by IWAOIDESERVEDBETTER



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, AsaNoya - Freeform, Bokuaka - Freeform, Cheesy romance, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, KageHina - Freeform, KuroKen - Freeform, M/M, Multi, References to Depression, Sadness, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Unfulfilled Desires, daisuga - Freeform, grab the tissues, iwaoi - Freeform, tsukkiyama - Freeform, ukatake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:47:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 65,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24620299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IWAOIDESERVEDBETTER/pseuds/IWAOIDESERVEDBETTER
Summary: This is a collection of Haikyuu!! stories I felt the need to write. Every single couple/pairing has to experience the pains of growing up and trying to make their relationship work. Every story is intertwined,hence the title. My goal is to make you cry,so please tell me how I did and spread the word! I also posted this over on Wattpad,so if you see it there,please don't think someone has stolen my work!
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Shimizu Kiyoko/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Takeda Ittetsu/Ukai Keishin, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 22
Kudos: 109





	1. Lamentation of the Dawn

(The text like **_this_ ** is made up of lyrics from a song called A Soulmate Who Wasn’t Meant To Be,written by Jess Benko. Credit for those parts goes to her,as does some of the inspiration for this story. The _italics_ are memories,and they are mainly out of order because they signify Oikawa’s messy memories and his scattered train of thought. If you see any typos,please let me know,and please spread the word about this story. The next story will be set three years later,and I’ll be looking forward to the feedback!)

From the second he opened his eyes in the morning,to the second he closed his eyes at night,Oikawa Tōru wanted to speak to him. His most important person,the one who always called him ‘Shittykawa’,was Hajime Iwaizumi,or ‘Iwa-chan’. Looking back on the phone call from the previous night,he almost wanted to laugh just to keep himself from crying. 

He had crossed the bridge of no return a year ago to the day,and he had accepted the slap that came as a result of the surprise kiss he had tried to give his ‘friend’. He was no longer a volleyball player who could stand at Iwa-chan’s side,and he was no longer a member of his beloved team at Seijou. He could no longer be Iwa-chan’s partner. He could no longer play with his friends,and today was the day he was to turn in his jersey. Today was the last day he would be walking on that gym floor,the one that he had spent so much time practicing on. Today was the last day he would be able to smile with the people he once called his teammates,the last day he would be able to pat ‘Mad Dog-chan’ on the head and praise him. Today was the last day he would be called ‘Shittykawa’. 

Forcing himself upright,Oikawa just stared blankly at the wall for a while. He had already packed most of his stuff,and his once colorful room was now barren. The cream colored walls seemed strange without his pictures dotting it. The pictures he had put up ever since he was a child were missing,and he felt numb as he stared at the spots they used to be. Even with them being tucked away into a box,he could practically see them still hanging up. 

**_I never should have called_ **

He could imagine the picture his mother had taken when he was still just a brat,the one where he was crying because Iwaizumi had gotten too close to him with a spider on his hand. His mother had thought it hilarious,but five-year-old Oikawa had cried for half an hour after that. 

_“Iwa-chan,how come you like bugs so much?” Oikawa asked one day,earning a laugh from the other._

_“Because I’m a boy! Just because you act and look like a little girl doesn’t mean you should complain about bugs,Crappykawa! I’m gonna be a man one day,so I have to take care of all of the bugs that come with a big house!” Iwa-chan replied calmly,grinning at him. “Look,this is a spider! They’re not scary ‘cause they won’t hurt you if you’re gentle! My mama cries whenever one comes into the house,but papa just picks them up and puts them outside! It’s cool,right?” He asked. Oikawa shook his head wildly,trying to retreat to hide behind his mother. Instead of backing down,five-year-old Iwa-chan gave chase,leaving little Tōru running away from him. He didn’t cry at first,but his mother’s laughter and Iwa-chan’s insistence soon overwhelmed the tiny boy,leading him to let out a loud cry. He just flopped on the ground and sobbed,Iwa-chan laughing but putting the spider down._

_Oikawa’s mother was the one who calmed him down that day,but Iwa-chan’s apology was what made him feel better._

**_'Cause I knew you would leave me_ **

He could imagine the picture Iwa-chan’s mother had given him,the one she had taken a year later. The two boys were grinning as they held hands,their brand new school uniforms neater than their messy hair. He could still remember how Iwa-chan had given him a noogie and congratulated him for ‘making it into first grade’,as if he had expected him to somehow get rejected. 

_“Iwa-chan,look at my uniform!” Little six-year-old Tōru called out. His hair was neat,and his uniform was a bit baggy because of how scrawny he was. He was still smaller than Iwa-chan,but it wasn’t much of a big deal to him._

_“Crappykawa,we’re wearing the same thing.” Little Hajime replied with a sigh. “My mama said we hafta take a picture,so hurry up.” He added as he grabbed his friend’s hand,pulling him over so they could stand in front of the school gates. The two both smiled,though Oikawa wasn’t without complaints about being called ‘Crappykawa’ on their first day of school. Being first graders excited him,but it didn’t seem like a big deal to Iwa-chan._

_“How come we have to take a picture?” He asked Ms.Iwaizumi,who just smiled and ruffled his hair,ruining the hard work his own mother had put in._

_“You two will graduate highschool someday,and you might split up even before then,so you’ll need pictures to remember each-other,right?” She asked. Little Tōru’s eyes filled with tears as he looked up at her._

_“Iwa-chan’s gonna leave me..?” He asked,letting out a sniffle as he fought off tears. Ms.Iwaizumi panicked at that,but little Hajime had become an expert in dealing with Oikawa over the last year of their friendship._

_“Of course I’m not leaving your side,Crappykawa! But you can’t cry,or else you’ll look like a loser! Don’t be a Loserkawa!” Iwa-chan said as he threw his arms around his friend and hugged him tightly. “We’re best-friends forever!”_

**_But I didn't think you could do it so easily_ **

_“Oikawa-kun,you auditioned to be the prince,so how come you’re crying about it now?” The teacher,Ms.Niyamura asked._

_“I.. I don’t wanna kill Iwa-chan!” He wailed,throwing his head back as he sobbed. The woman laughed a bit at that,seeming to make light of the boy’s heartbreak. When he realized that,he began to cry even louder._

_“Dummy! Hey,dummy! The prince can’t cry in a fairytale!” Iwaizumi said,punching Oikawa’s arm. The teacher scolded him,but Iwaizumi just ignored the woman. “You can’t save the pretty princess if you cry about killing the dragon! I’m the bad guy!”_

_“Iwa-chan’s not a bad guy! Iwa-chan would never hurt a princess or a prince or anyone!” Little Tōru snapped,sniffling as he rubbed his arm._

_“Then imagine that you’re the princess’s prince and I’m your prince.” Iwaizumi said,listening as Oikawa’s sobbing stopped._

_“There can’t be two princes,Iwa-chan..” Oikawa said,sniffling as he wiped at his eyes. Ms.Niyamura had left the two to break up an argument between two other students,trusting that Iwaizumi could handle the crying Oikawa like he usually did._

_“My mama said it doesn’t matter,and they show them on t.v. sometimes,you know? There can be two boys in love,or two girls,or two people who don’t like being called ‘he’ or ‘she’ in love,or any sort of mix. Mama said it’s not a big deal as long as they’re happy,so we’re just two princes fighting over the same princess. That makes it better,right?” Iwaizumi explained confidently. “You can’t cry about it anymore,Dummykawa! You have to save Mira-kun from me!”_

_“But I don’t wanna fight over some girl.. They’ve all got bugs.” Oikawa told Iwaizumi,earning a laugh._

_“You’re not gonna actually kill me,anyway,Dummykawa.” Iwaizumi said,ruffling the boy’s hair happily. “Let’s work hard together. I’ll come over tonight and we can go over it together.” He promised. Oikawa nodded excitedly and pressed into the boy’s touch happily,giving him a goofy grin as he did so._

**_And I never should have held your hand_ **

_“Iwa-chan,I’m scared…” Oikawa said softly,squeezing the little boy’s hand. He was in a tiny little prince charming costume,the white-and-gold shirt sparkling in the dim backstage lights._

_“You have to go onstage in a second,Dummykawa.. I’ll be right behind you.” Iwaizumi said,gripping his hand and smiling at him. “We’ll be onstage together,so you can’t be so afraid.”_

_“But what if I mess up? What if I forget something or I cry again?” Oikawa asked,earning another punch in the arm._

_“Don’t cry then,Dummykawa! You’re a prince,so go!” Iwaizumi whisper-yelled,shoving the boy out onto the stage. He stumbled at first and then looked around,the spotlight landing on him._

_“Long ago,in a kingdom where dragons flew in the skies and kings and queens ruled the world,a little boy named Prince Charming was born.” Ms.Niyamura announced over the speakers,using the same voice she did whenever she read fairy tales aloud in class. Oikawa looked around,before he gripped his little cardboard sword and raised it._

_“I’m a prince,and that means I can’t cry.. I can’t act scared over people staring at me.. I’m Iwa-chan’s prince..” He whispered to himself,gripping the ‘sword’. He was trembling,but he relaxed when the ‘thunder’ came over the speakers,looking over as Iwaizumi ran onto the stage. The dragon onesie he was wearing was adorable,and a bit bigger on him than it was supposed to be. “I’ll beat the mean dragon!” Oikawa shouted as loud as he could,his little voice ringing out into the quiet gymnasium._

_“And I’ll beat the mean prince!” Iwaizumi shouted,letting out a loud ‘roar’. Oikawa swung his ‘sword’,tripping on his shoelaces and hitting the ground. Instead of crying like he usually would,he sat up and pointed his ‘sword’ at Iwa-chan,who had bent down to help him up. The ‘sword’ pressed into the side of his neck,Oikawa scrambling to his feet._

_“I’ll spare you today,you vile beast! Just wait!” Oikawa called out,rushing off the stage. He left Iwa-chan behind in shock this time,proud he had managed to recover from his blunder._

**_On that cold rainy night_ **

_He could remember ‘stabbing’ Iwa-chan,and how he hadn’t cried about it like he had during rehearsal. His father had practically recorded the entire thing,while Iwa-chan’s mother had taken all sorts of pictures. That was the one and only time Oikawa properly stood on a stage and acted,but that day was one of the happiest of his life. When that curtain fell for the final time,and when he was no longer a ‘prince’,Tōru Oikawa felt_ _alive._ _The hug Iwaizumi had given him that day,squeezing him tightly while laughing about how good they’d done,was engraved in his mind._

_The laughter of his classmates didn’t matter,the teacher congratulating them didn’t matter,and the walk home with his father didn’t matter to him at all._

_“Papa,how come you love mama so much?” Little Tōru asked curiously._

_“What do you mean? She’s my wife,so of course I love her.” His father replied,raising an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”_

_“Well the king and queen in the play didn’t love one another.. That’s why the prince had to rescue the princess and marry her immediately,right?” Tōru asked,looking up at him as he squeezed his hand._

_“Well sometimes mommies and daddies fall out of love,Tōru.. When that happens,they get a ‘divorce’,and they stop spending so much time together.” His father explained,trying to be as gentle as possible. “They still love each-other,but they won’t be in love anymore.”_

_“How come? Will you and mama get one?” He asked quietly,gripping onto his father’s hand even tighter._

_“Of course not,Tōru.. Mama and papa have you and your brother,don’t we? You don’t need to be worried.. You’re the evidence of how much we love each-other.” His father told him,ruffling his hair and chuckling. “We’re a family,so you don’t need to worry.”_

**_'Cause, further along, it would cause another fight_ **

_That night was the first time Tōru learned that his love for Iwa-chan wasn’t ‘normal’. As he was being tucked into bed,he had asked a question._

_“Papa,can I marry Iwa-chan? Will he be family then?” He asked curiously._

_“What are you talking about,Tōru? You and Iwa-chan are boys,you know?” His father asked,chuckling a bit. “Now which story do you want to read?”_

_“But I love Iwa-chan! I wanna be a family with him forever! He’s my best-friend!” Tōru argued,sitting up and looking up at him excitedly. “Papa,I love Iwa-chan! He’s like mama!”_

_“Tōru! Don’t say that about a boy! That’s wrong,you know? Two boys can’t like each-other the way your mama and I like each-other.” His father snapped,raising his voice. Tōru flinched at the shouting,staring up at him with wide,scared eyes._

_“Papa..? Are you angry at me..?” He asked quietly._

_“I’m not mad,Tōru.. I’m sorry,okay? It’s just.. You can’t say things like that anymore,okay? Boys can’t like boys,even if someone else says they can,okay?” His father asked,lowering his voice. He pushed his son back down,ruffling his hair as he did so. “Lay down so I can read you a story,you still have school tomorrow..”_

**_Stranger, that's all I see_ **

He could imagine the picture Iwa-chan’s father had taken back when they first started playing volleyball,and he could imagine Iwa-chan’s laughing face as the ball hit him on the head. He hadn’t cared much back then,but volleyball really had brought them together. 

_“Iwa-chan,what is that?” Little seven-year-old Tōru asked,pointing at the ball in his friend’s arms._

_“It’s called a ‘volleyball’,and you throw it up and then smack it down!” Hajime replied,grinning at his friend. “Look,I can hit it really hard!” He bragged,tossing it in the air. When he went to hit it down,he completely missed,slapping himself on the leg. Tōru began to laugh,covering his mouth as he did._

_“You.. You didn’t even touch it!” He giggled,earning a punch in the arm from his best-friend._

_“Shut up,Crappykawa! Shut it! It’s not funny!” Hajime snapped,his cheeks a bit pink as he glared at him. “You couldn’t do any better than me!”_

_“Then let me try!” Tōru said,grabbing the ball and grinning. “It’s just tossing it up and hitting it,right? It can’t be that hard.” He told him,tossing the ball in the air. He swung his arms back,his eyes locked on the ball as he spiked it into the ground. Hajime watched him,his own eyes lighting up at the scene._

_“How did you do that,Crappykawa!? I’ve never seen you do anything like that before! That’s so cool!” He said,radiating excitement._

_“Well if you just focus on it,it becomes easier to hit it.. I just did what you did.” Tōru said,his cheeks a bit pink from the praise. He scratched his cheek and looked away shyly as he grabbed the ball,before looking at Hajime and grinning._

_“Then toss the ball towards me,but do it slowly,okay?” Hajime asked. Tōru did as told,Hajime putting his arms together and bumping the ball. Tōru’s eyes lit up as he watched,his eyes sparkling._

_“I wanna try! I wanna try!” He said excitedly,Hajime nodding slightly. He tossed the ball towards him gently,Tōru trying to bump it. Instead,the ball just hit him on the head,making him flinch and reach up to rub his head with a pout._

_“So you can spike,but you can’t even bump?” Hajime asked,raising an eyebrow. Oikawa just puffed out his cheeks and pouted,before Hajime grabbed the ball again. “Let’s start playing like this from now on,Crappykawa. I’m just starting out as well,but we’ll be fine as long as we play together,’kay?”_

_“Of course,Iwa-chan! I don’t wanna play any kind of game if you’re not playing too!” Tōru told him,grinning._

**_When I look into your eyes_ **

_“Crappykawa,why are you looking at that girl like that?” Little Hajime asked one day. Tōru looked at him quietly,before he just held up a little letter._

_“She gave me a love letter.” He said awkwardly._

_“Well are you gonna go out with her?” Hajime asked,staring at the girl._

_“I only know her name ‘cause she gave me this,but her friends have been bugging me about responding for days.” Tōru said,scratching his cheek. “I’m gonna turn her down. I don’t wanna have a girlfriend,I wanna focus on volleyball.”_

_“You can have a girlfriend even if you keep playing,Dummykawa. Just accept her and take her out on a date or something.” Hajime said,pushing his friend towards the little girl. “Taking her out on one date wouldn’t hurt,right?”_

_“I guess..” Tōru said awkwardly,walking over to the girl. He had no intention to date anyone,but he figured it couldn’t hurt that badly. “Akari-chan,let’s go out on a date,’kay? I don’t know enough about you to say whether or not I like you,so going on a date is fine,right?” He asked the blushing girl,who nodded wildly. Tōru just looked back at Iwaizumi nervously after that,frowning when he saw the other just talking to another classmate._

**_A soulmate who wasn't meant to be_ **

_He could remember sharing his first kiss with a girl named Akari,and how Iwa-chan had called him disgusting for it._

_“Crappykawa,how come you missed practice?” Hajime asked,frowning. Tōru had only been dating Akari for a month at that point,but missing one practice had definitely pissed Iwa-chan off._

_“I took Akari-chan out for a date is all.. We went to go and see that new alien movie that came out..” Tōru said awkwardly._

_“You have to tell the team beforehand! You can’t just choose to run off and do whatever you want,that’s selfish!” Hajime snapped,glaring at him._

_“I tried to text you,but Akari-chan said that I spend too much time talking to you and that I don’t spend enough time talking to her.. Sorry,Iwa-chan,but she’s my girlfriend..”_

**_Stranger, who knows all my secrets_ **

_He could remember how he wouldn’t talk to Iwa-chan about his depression,nor his mother’s failing health._

_“Mama,how come you’re always going to the hospital?” Tōru asked before school one day._

_‘’You have to promise not to tell anyone else,alright Tōru?” His mother asked,looking down at him. When he nodded,she just ruffled his hair and smiled tiredly. “I haven’t been feeling too well recently,so I’ve had to go every once in a while to get checked out.”_

_“Is it anything bad?” Tōru asked worriedly,looking up into her eyes with a frown. She looked sad,and it made him anxious to see._

_“Of course not,Tōru! You’ve got a game today,right? You’re gonna win this time,aren’t you?” She asked,grinning at him as brightly as she could._

_“I’m gonna beat that stupid Ushijima today! Just wait and see,mama!” He said,grinning at her. “I’ll win this time!”_

**_Can pull me apart and break my heart_ **

_He could remember their last fistfight,way back in middle-school. He had never meant to let his depression get that bad,but he hadn’t been able to help it. Watching his mother waste away led him to doing so many things he had come to regret,but he wasn’t allowed to complain or cry to anyone about it._

**_A soulmate who wasn't meant to be_ **

_He could remember the day he had gotten his ‘Best Setter’ Award,how that had been his proudest day,and how Iwa-chan had congratulated him bitterly. He could remember feeling so confused by Iwa-chan’s anger at him,but he could never bring himself to ask him about it._

**_I never should have kissed_ **

_He could remember the day he kissed Hajime’s cheek in front of everyone at Kitagawa,and how their teammates had called him nasty because of it. He had always kissed Iwa-chan’s cheek for good luck,but Iwa-chan made him stop after that day._

**_Kissed your hand_ **

_He could remember the day that he had been dumped in front of everyone,with a hand flying across his cheek and a group of girls staring. Volleyball was the only thing he could always rely on,his only solace in the darkening world. Even if he ran into the sun,Tōru Oikawa had never seen anything as bright as Iwa-chan’s smile. Even if he stared into the deepest abyss,Tōru Oikawa had never seen anything as dark as his own mind._

**_I am under your control_ **

_He could remember the day that Hajime first began to hit him to ‘reign him in’,and how angry his mother had been when she saw the first bruise that was left on his arm because of his best-friend. Iwa-chan was the only one other than his father and his ex-girlfriends to ever hit him,but he didn’t resent Iwa-chan for it. He had no right to complain when he tortured his friend by being alive,after all._

**_I will never understand_ **

_He could remember the days he watched as Hajime had fun with Hana-chan. He didn’t hate the girl,but he was certainly bitter about how she had ‘stolen’ Hajime from him. He wasn’t allowed to complain anymore._

**_I never should have said_ **

_He could remember the day Hajime asked him why he always acted so clingy,and how he had just laughed and waved off the question. Iwa-chan would never understand him,and Oikawa had accepted that fact from a young age._

**_"I love you"_ **

_“Mama,how come Iwa-chan and I are different?” Little Tōru asked one day. His mother paused and looked at him,a bit confused and shocked._

_“What are you talking about,Tōru? You’re no different than Hajime-kun.” She asked,kneeling down so she could look him in the eye properly._

_“Papa said my type of love for Iwa-chan is wrong.” He said,reaching up and putting his own hand on top of the hand that his mother put on his head._

_“There’s no wrong type of love,Tōru. You’re just a kid,you’re only eight years old.. How do you love Hajime-kun?” She asked,tilting her head to the side._

_“I wanna be his prince,mama! I wanna be able to stay by Iwa-chan’s side forever and ever!” He said cheerfully,grinning up at her. “He’s a.. He’s my soul.. Soulfriend!”_

_“Do you mean a ‘soulmate’,Tōru? You’re allowed to have Hajime-kun as a soulmate,Tōru,but don’t tell papa about it,okay? Papa’s not fond of soulmates ‘cause he doesn’t believe in them.” She told him,pulling him close and rubbing his back. “You have to wait until you’re a bit older to tell Hajime-kun that,okay? Soulmates have to be together for a long time before they can truly be soulmates.”_

_“But how come I can’t just tell him now?” Oikawa asked as he peered up at her,his messy bangs covering part of his still bruised eye._

_“Because you can’t skip straight to the happy ending,Tōru. You’re a strong boy,right? Stay by Hajime-kun’s side and make a happy ending for yourselves,alright? Can you promise me that?” She asked him softly,rubbing his back. Oikawa looked down and debated for a minute,before he raised his head and grinned._

_“Of course,mama! I’m strong! I’ll be happy with Iwa-chan forever and ever!”_

**_You never said it back_ **

_“Hey,Iwa-chan,do you know what a ‘soulmate’ is?” Oikawa asked one day,looking over at his best friend. At eight and a half years old,he wanted to know what his beloved Iwa-chan could know._

_“What do you mean? Why does it matter what a ‘soulmate’ is?” Hajime asked,raising an eyebrow as he looked over at him. “It’s just people like our parents,right? It’s just when people get married.”_

_“But what if they get a divorce,Iwa-chan? Then they’re not soulmates anymore,right? ‘Cause soulmates have to stay together forever..” Little Tōru said quietly,frowning a bit._

_“Well it happens on t.v. all the time,Dummykawa.. People stop caring about one another all the time,so soulmates probably don’t even exist.” Little Hajime told him thoughtfully,his third-grade brain working to figure out an answer that would keep Oikawa calm but also get him to stop asking questions._

_“What if you had a soulmate and they left?” Oikawa asked curiously as he leaned towards him,looking up into his eyes._

_“Just shut up,Crappykawa! They’re not your soulmate if they leave!” Iwaizumi snapped._

**_So why do I still care for you?_ **

_He could remember the sweet names all of his fangirls had called him,how they had all been so much kinder to him than Iwa-chan had. He could remember being dumped,how Iwa-chan had blamed it on his obsession with volleyball,and how he hadn’t tried to fight for any girl’s love. The only love Tōru ever wanted was Iwa-chan’s,and that was the love he could never imagine actually getting._

**_Stranger, that's all I see_ **

_He could remember when Ushijima approached him,how he had insulted his beloved team,and he could vividly recall telling him that his useless pride was something to remember. His pride was the only thing Tōru had been blessed with,and he intended to keep being as prideful as possible._

**_When I look into your eyes_ **

_He could remember the day they had lost to Karasuno,and how Iwa-chan had blamed himself. He knew it was his own fault,that if he had never injured himself in middle school then he would have been fast enough to get the ball,but it was all his own fault. He remembered slapping him on the back to cheer him up,and how alone he felt when he stood with his team._

**_A soulmate who wasn't meant to be_ **

_He could remember the days he had been collapsed in bed,his whole body aching from practicing with his bad knee. He knew what would happen if he kept playing,but he prayed every night for the ability to keep playing. He needed to keep playing volleyball,he needed to beat Ushijima with Iwa-chan and make his mother proud. He needed to keep working,to keep playing,to keep laughing. He needed to keep being strong,but he never once felt strong._

**_Stranger, who knows all my secrets_ **

_He could remember the nights he was left alone in the gym,practicing his tosses until a teacher eventually came to yell at him over it._

_Oikawa tossed the ball into the air,swinging his arms behind himself and tightening his stance as he prepared to launch himself into the air. He spiked the ball,watching it slam into the gym floor with a satisfying,echoing slap._

**_Can pull me apart and break my heart_ **

_He could remember the day Iwa-chan had stopped him from hitting Kageyama,and how he had cried into his chest after practice that day. His mother’s condition had worsened,his own knee was aching,and Kageyama had stared at him and asked for his help. He had regretted swinging at him the second he had done it,but he had been too overwhelmed to think clearly that day. He was sick of people telling him he wasn’t good enough,sick of his coach telling him that he could never beat the people born with talent. He wasn’t blessed like Kageyama,all of his skills had come about due to his own hard work,and his mental state suffered as a result of that._

**_A soulmate who wasn't meant to be_ **

_He could remember Hajime’s anger about his injury,could remember how hard his friend had slapped him in response to it. He could remember how the rest of his middle school team wouldn’t even look at him when he had hobbled in the gym,how everyone had been looking at Kageyama instead. It had taken him two months to return to playing without a limp,but he had to suffer leg cramps nightly as a result of forcing himself._

**_Wish I could go back to the day we met and leave you be_ **

_“Tōru,this is Iwaizumi Hajime. You two will be playing together today,okay? His mommy and I need to go talk for a while.” The sweet voice of his mother rang out. Little Oikawa could hardly hear her,just staring in awe at the boy in front of him. While he was pale,scrawny,and ‘sickly-looking’ as the neighbors called him,the boy in front of him was intimidating. Tanned skin that reminded him of his chocolate milk when his mother didn’t add enough syrup,black hair that reminded him of his older brother’s boots that he always tried to steal,and dark brown eyes that reminded him of when his mother put a little_ **_too_ ** _much chocolate syrup in his chocolate milk._

_Needless to say,little Tōru was smitten,but intimidated. He had never met someone like ‘Iwaizumi’ before,and he didn’t exactly know how to feel. Clutching onto his mother’s skirt,he just peered out at the boy with the tiniest tint of pink on his own pale cheeks. While his mother apologized for his shy behavior,the taller boy marched right over and grabbed his hand._

_“I’m Iwaizumi,didn’t you hear your mother? She already said my name,so you should introduce yourself properly as well!” The boy snapped. Tōru was in absolute shock,just standing there and staring at him. Before Iwaizumi’s mother could even reply,Tōru found his own voice._

_“I’m.. My name is Oikawa Tōru..” He said softly,stumbling over his words a little. When he saw the grin the other boy gave,he felt his own lips curve upwards. “It’s nice to meet you,Iwaiz.. Iwazo..” He frowned as he realized he couldn’t quite pronounce it,his mother trying to help him sound it out._

_“Say it like ‘ee’ ‘why’ ‘zumi’.” She spoke slowly,Oikawa trying to repeat after her. He had always struggled with his pronunciation,and it frustrated him that he wasn’t able to pronounce his new friend’s name properly._

_“Just call me ‘Iwa-chan’! It can be your special name for me!” Little Hajime spoke up,leaving both the mothers and little Tōru in shock for a second. Before he could stop himself,a huge grin broke out on little Tōru’s face._

_“It’s nice to meet you,then,Iwa-chan!” Tōru said,grinning at him brightly. It was a true,genuine smile that hurt his cheeks from how wide it was. As Iwa-chan pulled him away,he turned back to wave at his mother._

_“Be home before dinner,and don’t go too far away!” She called as she waved. “Look out for each-other,boys!”_

_“We will!” The two called in unison,Iwa-chan’s grip on Tōru’s hand tightening as they walked happily. The park was right around the corner,so they weren’t going to be in danger._

_“How old are you,anyway?” Iwa-chan asked as they walked. “I’m five,and my birthday’s in June!”_

_“I’m five,too! I was born in July,and mama said that I’m pretty ‘cause all babies born in July are pretty!” Little Tōru bragged proudly. He earned a laugh from the other boy,who just shook his head and let go of his hand._

_“Boys aren’t supposed to be pretty,but you look like a girl,so I guess it’s fine.” Iwa-chan said,before pointing at the sandbox. “Let’s play in that!” He told him,running over to it. Oikawa followed him,grinning as he did._

_“Hey,hey! Iwa-chan,give me a nickname too! It’s silly if only you have a nickname..” Oikawa said,earning a confused look from the other boy._

_“Like what? ‘Prettykawa’?” He asked sarcastically. Little Tōru nodded excitedly,making Iwa-chan laugh. “I won’t be calling you that,dummy!” He said. As Oikawa began to whine and beg for a nickname,Iwa-chan just gathered up the sand from his corner into a hill,ignoring him._

_“I just want a nickname,too! I like ‘Prettykawa’! Call me ‘Prettykawa’!” He whined,waving his arms childishly. He stomped in the sand,before he began to cry after a second. In shock,Iwa-chan looked up at the boy,just staring at him._

_“Why are you crying?” He asked,listening as the boy began to cry and wail even louder. “Oikawa,why are you crying?!”_

_“I stepped in poopy!” The little boy sobbed out finally,lifting his foot to reveal the now dirty shoe. Instead of helping him fix his problem,and instead of fetching his mother,Iwa-chan just stared at him before bursting into laughter. “It’s not funny,Iwa-chan! Stop laughing!” He whined._

_“It’s just.. I thought of a nickname for you..!” Iwa-chan said between giggles. His small body shook with laughter as he held his hand out to Oikawa,helping him out of the sandbox and taking him over to the sink so they could try and clean his shoe off._   
_“Really..? A nickname? You’ll really give me one!?” Oikawa asked,smiling at him excitedly. His tears were now dried,and his anger over his dirtied shoe had faded because of his excitement. “What is it?! Did you like ‘Prettykawa’ after all?!”_ _  
_ “It’s.. It’s ‘Crappykawa’!” Iwa-chan said as he turned the faucet on,shoving the shoe under it and coughing at how smelly it was. Oikawa’s excitement turned to anger quickly at that. 

_“Iwa-chan,that’s so mean!” He shouted,drawing the attention of one of the parents. When the father approached to see what the problem was,Iwa-chan grabbed the newly-dubbed Crappykawa’s hand and took off running,leaving the crap-covered shoe in the sink and the water still running. Stumbling after him,little Tōru gripped onto his hand,confused as to why they were running. Hearing the disgusted father shout after them to come back and clean up after themselves,little Tōru decided not to let go of Iwa-chan’s hand,and not to go back after his shoe._

_That day,’Crappykawa’ and ‘Iwa-chan’ promised each-other to not tell their parents about what had happened at the park,and Oikawa never spoke about what had happened to his missing shoe even when he had to return home with only one shoe on. His mother had never managed to get the answer out of him,and after that he was known as ‘Crappykawa’ by Iwa-chan._

**_Sit and look pretty_ **

_“Iwa-chan,let’s go watch a movie!” Seven-year-old Oikawa whined out,tugging on his best-friend’s shirt. They were supposed to be playing during break,but the other kids had mentioned a movie called ‘Godzilla’,and he desperately wanted to see it now._

_“Dummykawa,we can’t go off and watch a movie unless your mama let’s us and we get money!” Little Hajime snapped,sighing. “Who cares about ‘Godzilla’? It’s just some monster movie.”_

_“My mama will take us,then! I’m certain mama will take us! She likes watching movies,just like I do! You’ll watch it with me,right?! Iwa-chan,you hafta promise!” Oikawa whined as he waved his arms._

_“If your mama will take us,of course I will,Dummykawa!” Iwaizumi snapped at him,not in the mood to deal with the tantrum that would occur if he turned his friend down._

_“Then it;s a promise,right?!” Oikawa asked,holding his hand up with his pinky sticking out. “If you break it,you have to swallow a thousand needle,’kay?” He asked,grinning._

_“Fine. It’s a promise.” Iwaizumi sighed,wrapping his own pinky around Oikawa’s. “If I break it,I’ll swallow a thousand needles.” He promised._

_Two days later,little Tōru and little Hajime arrived at the theater. The boys were radiating pure excitement now,rambling about how they both wanted to get popcorn and soda._

_Little Tōru never once forgot the expression of pure joy that had been written on Iwa-chan’s face during the movie. While he himself hadn’t cared much for it,Iwa-chan was radiating happiness and excitement over the movie._

_“I love Godzilla! Roaaarrrr!” Iwaizumi yelled as he ran outside after the movie had ended. Oikawa squeaked and laughed as he chased him,before he tripped and skinned his knees. He didn’t cry this time,standing up and grinning at his beloved Iwa-chan._

_“I liked it,too! Let’s watch it at home sometime!” He said excitedly._

_“It’s a promise,Dummykawa!” Iwaizumi said excitedly._

**_Never should have called_ **

_He could vividly recall the day his brother had officially moved back in with him,and how he had called Iwa-chan to brag about how he could see his nephew more often. His call was declined like it always was,but he was still happy to send a picture of himself and Takeru._

**_Never should have helped_ **

_He could vividly recall the day of his father’s funeral,and how Iwa-chan squeezed his hand the entire day. The boy had refused to let go of his hand,but Tōru hadn’t shed a tear the entire ceremony. His father felt like a stranger,but he didn’t hate the man. He didn’t know how he felt about him,but he was certain that he didn’t hate his father._

**_Never should have kissed_ **

_“Iwa-chan,let’s go out today! My brother gave me some money for my birthday,so I want to go and enjoy today.” Tōru said as they walked home one day. It was blisteringly hot,but the boy wasn’t sweating nearly as much as Hajime was._

_“Shittykawa,now isn’t the time. We can hang out tomorrow or something,but I’ve got to handle some stuff for my mom today,and I’ve also got a shift at work.” Hajime said,sighing. He tugged on his shirt a few times,his sweat causing it to stick to his body. He had never been fond of sweating,something that only Oikawa would know about him. He had never said it aloud,but Oikawa had noticed it after spending so many years with him._

_“But it’s my birthday! Iwa-chaannnnn! You’re so mean!” Tōru whined,earning an elbow in the side from his best-friend. Despite the pain from the jab,he felt like his heart had skipped a beat for a second. “Didn’t you at least get me a present?” He asked as he rubbed his side,pouting a bit as he looked at him._

_“Of course not,Shittykawa. I’ll give you money or something tomorrow,but I can’t do anything today. I promised Hana-chan that I would take over her shift so she could spend her anniversary with her boyfriend today.” Hajime sighed,reaching out and ruffling Oikawa’s hair. It was what he always did when he wanted to stop talking about something,and Oikawa usually backed off,but today he didn’t._

_“Hana-chan’s shift again,huh? You promised you’d take today off,you know? It’s not fair for you to always be the one looking out for your coworkers when they can’t even cover for you today.. You should at least be able to spend today with me,you know? I’ll only ever have one seventeenth birthday.” Oikawa pressed on,earning another jab in the side from his friend._

_“You’re drowning in presents from your little ‘fans’ anyways,so I don’t need to give you a present,Shittykawa. Be glad I don’t hit you for talking about Hana-chan and the others like that.. She’s been dating her boyfriend for a year now,after all,so today’s special for her.” Iwaizumi snapped._

_“And today is special for_ **_me_ ** _,Iwa-chan! I turned seventeen today! We’ve been together for twelve years of our lives,so why is her one-year-anniversary so important when someone else could’ve taken over her shift?” Oikawa asked,before pausing as he thought of everything Hajime had already said. Realizing that his best-friend was in love with someone scared him,but the fact that it wasn’t_ _himself_ _Iwa-chan loved absolutely petrified him. He wasn’t the most important person to his best-friend anymore,and he felt ready to fall apart at that fact. He wasn’t ready for this,he could_ **_never_ ** _be ready for Iwa-chan to love someone else._

_“Shittykawa,why do you have to act like this? You’re not a little kid anymore,stop complaining about everything! Act your age for once!” Iwaizumi snapped,turning to look at him._

_When Oikawa leaned down and pressed his lips to Iwa-chan’s,everything froze. As Oikawa pulled away,he felt a rough hand fly across his face. The regret flooded both boys immediately,but neither of them said anything after that for a few minutes. Standing there in silence,Oikawa stared at the ground before raising his head and looking at the boy he had known for twelve years at this point. He saw the disgust,the sadness,and the betrayal,and then he panicked. Instead of talking to him,instead of facing what he had just done,Oikawa Tōru turned and ran away from the man he loved._

_For a few days after that,Oikawa didn’t leave his room. He didn’t answer any texts,and he didn’t even eat. He drank the water bottles he had in his room,drinking just enough to keep himself from dehydration. He drowned himself in watching volleyball videos,praying that he would never have to face Iwaizumi again,even though he knew that was impossible._

_It took a week for Iwaizumi to show up at his house. He had blown up Oikawa’s phone with texts,pissed that the boy hadn’t been going to practice with the rest of the team. Summer or not,they had a schedule to keep,and Oikawa was supposed to be there. He had never missed a single practice without a good reason,and he had never ignored Iwaizumi for so long. The boy had resolved to turn Oikawa down completely,not wanting to hurt his friend._

_“Oi,Shittykawa,open the door.” Hajime said,knocking on the door. He didn’t get a reply,the boy just sighing. “If you don’t open it,I’ll pick the lock. You know I’ll do it. Open the door,Shittykawa!” He said,getting progressively louder as he knocked on the door. He couldn’t hear Oikawa’s voice at all,and it was starting to make him anxious._

_After a while of standing outside of Oikawa’s room,Hajime grabbed the key from his brother and opened the door. Oikawa was sprawled out across the floor,the boy absurdly pale. He wasn’t moving,and he didn’t look like he was breathing at first. Hajime nearly broke down upon seeing his best-friend,running over and checking his breath. In a panic,he just picked the boy up and took him to his brother,who decided it was best for them to go to the hospital._

_The car ride to the hospital felt horrible,and every red light felt like a nail in a coffin._

_“Stupid Shittykawa..” He said softly as he looked down at the boy he was holding,glad that he could see him breathing._

**_Never should have said_ **

_It took two days for Oikawa to wake up. Nine days after he turned seventeen,Oikawa Tōru opened his eyes for what felt like the first time his entire life. Instead of a warm ‘welcome back’,he received a slap across the face from his dearest Iwa-chan._

_“Just because I call you a dumbass doesn’t mean you have to act like one,Shittykawa! Do you understand what the hell you’ve put everyone through!? The whole team has had to stop because of you! Are you trying to do all of this shit?!” He yelled._

_“Iwa… Chan…” Tōru muttered quietly,his throat too dry to properly talk. He didn’t care about his stinging cheek,and even in his dazed state he knew he probably deserved it. Forcing himself upright and looking around the room,his brown eyes soaked in his surroundings. “Thir.. sty..” He croaked out. He heard a sigh,before a bottle of water was lifted to his lips. He tilted his head back as Hajime slowly poured the water into his mouth,Oikawa taking small gulps as he drank it. He was a prideful man,but his body felt too heavy to actually move._

_“Did you do all of this because of what happened back on your birthday? Listen,I’ll spend your birthday with you next year,and I won’t bring up that whole.. Well,that mistake you made,alright? Let’s just pretend it never happened,Shittykawa..” Iwaizumi said,his voice as gentle as he could make it in his pissed-off state. He pulled the water away when Oikawa signalled he had drunk enough,putting the cap back on it silently._

_“Yeah.. Mist.. Mistake.” Oikawa forced his voice out,before coughing a few times. Iwaizumi just patted his back silently,Oikawa’s slender body shaking from the force of the coughs. When he finally regained his composure,he looked up and grinned at Iwa-chan like always. “I didn’t mean it like that,anyways,you know?” He asked. Iwaizumi just nodded and ruffled his hair,knowing fully well that he had just been lied to but ignoring it. Neither boy could handle losing the other,after all._

**_Stranger, that's all I see_ **

_After he had woken up,Oikawa Tōru returned to his normal life. He had to stay in the hospital for another few days,of course,but life returned to normal after he was released. He went back to being himself,returned to practice,and even began to take up more shifts at work. He and Iwaizumi were both back to themselves,though Oikawa’s heart ached whenever he saw his best-friend._

_A month after school had let out,Tōru saw Hana for the first time. She was a gorgeous foreigner from Germany,based off of what Iwa-chan had told him. She wasn’t on a date with her ‘tall,handsome’ boyfriend,though. Standing beside her was Iwa-chan himself,holding her hand and laughing as he kissed her cheek. She was trying to get away from him,laughing and telling him what Oikawa could only assume was for him not to kiss her while they were in public. His blood boiled,but he didn’t move an inch towards them. Takeru tugged on his shirt,calling his name loudly with a bright smile._

_“Uncle,let’s go play in the arcade! I don’t wanna go to the pool today! Let’s go to the arcade!” The boy said excitedly,Oikawa just looking down at him blankly. He snapped out of it,reaching down and ruffling the boy’s hair before grinning._

_“Of course,Takeru. But don’t think you’re going to beat me in anything!” He told him,forcing himself to look happy. The little boy just stared up at him,before he suddenly turned his head._

_“Hey,isn’t that uncle Iwaizumi? Hey,uncle! Uncle Iwaizumi!” Takeru asked,starting to shout and wave his arms after spotting the man. Oikawa covered his mouth and pulled him into the crowd._

_“Takeru,you were mistaken. I thought it was Iwa-chan at first as well,but it wasn’t him. It was just a stranger that looked like him_ _._ _” He lied. Takeru just stared up at him for a second before reluctantly nodding,accepting his uncle’s obvious lie._

**_When I look into your eyes_ **

_It took Oikawa a few days to work up the courage to confront Iwa-chan about that day._

_“How come you were out with ‘Hana-chan’ if she has a boyfriend?” He asked one day,during the middle of a private practice round the two were having._

_“When did you…? Oi,Shittykawa,what the hell are you talking about? Were you stalking me or something? How do you even know about Hana-chan?” Iwa-chan asked,glaring at him. “What do you even think you saw,and why do you expect me to tell you about it?”_

_“We’ve known one another for twelve years,Iwa-chan.. But_ _you’re_ _Hana-chan’s boyfriend,aren’t you? How come you didn’t tell me? I know you’re not the type to go out with a girl just because they got dumped,so I know she wasn’t dumped or anything,and I know you’re not the type to go ‘hang out’ with a girl in a relationship,so you’re the one dating her,aren’t you?” Oikawa asked,grabbing his best-friend’s collar and pulling him up. The couple of inches of height he had on his friend made him look properly intimidating as he glared down at him. “For a year,Iwa-chan! You’ve lied to me about this for a year,haven’t you?” He asked angrily._

_“Fuck off,Shittykawa! Get your hands off of me!” Iwaizumi shouted as he pushed him away. “Don’t touch me,and stop acting like you have any place to question my decisions! I don’t have to tell you when I’m dating someone,and I don’t have to tell you anything,so stop acting like you have the right to question anything!” He shouted. Oikawa just stared at him blankly,before he just clenched his fists._

_“Fine,don’t tell me anymore.” He spat,turning and stomping away. “Head home,Hajime.”_

_“Hajime..? You’re really going to call me out by my first name,Shittykawa?! Get pissed all you want,but Hana-chan’s my girlfriend! You’re just a stupid Shittykawa!” Hajime shouted,storming out._

**_A soulmate who wasn't meant to be_ **

_He remembered the day he hurt his knee and he went to the hospital alone. His mother had passed out a few days prior,and he didn’t want her to force herself out of bed,so he had hobbled his way to the hospital alone. He had been scolded by his doctor,and even the nurses reprimanded him. His mother had been quite upset with him for injuring his knee as well,but he didn’t tell her anything about it. He had injured it after getting into an argument with Hajime,but it wasn’t a big deal to him anymore. He had never felt that numb before,but he still managed to smile through the pain of being forced to sit out of games. He would have to go to physical therapy,and his doctor had told him to stop playing volleyball,but neither of those things were possible for him._

**_Stranger, who knows all my secrets_ **

_He remembered the day his mother was first hospitalized after collapsing at home. He remembered running home,his eyes wide and full of excitement as he gripped his ‘Best Setter’ award as tightly as he could. He remembered running into the house,calling out for her,and not hearing a reply. He remembered finding her sprawled out on the floor,remembered how pale she looked as she lied there. That was the first time he had ever called an ambulance,and that night was the first night he had slept by his mother’s side as she laid in a hospital bed._

**_Can pull me apart and break my heart_ **

_He remembered the day he lost his mother,and how hard he had cried that night. He remembered calling his brother,sobbing into his pillow for hours straight,and how he had stared at his phone screen,praying that Iwa-chan would somehow know he was in pain. He had never prayed for much,had never complained much when his mother was hospitalized and he was forced to take on extra shifts to help pay the bills. He had never complained to her while she was wasting away,and he had never asked her to stay alive when he knew that she was suffering. She had raised him to be less selfish than that,after all._

**_A soulmate who wasn't meant to be_ **

Oikawa Tōru wasn’t a person to keep secrets,but even he had his own secrets. He was a loud-mouthed,arrogant,and overall ‘annoying’ bastard. He was a ‘Shittykawa’ through and through. He was the ‘Great King’,the one and only ‘Grand King’ of the court,but there was nobody waiting for him when he returned home from the hospital. His mother didn’t greet him at the door with a warm smile,his father didn’t scold him for being a brat,and his older brother didn’t shout at him for wearing his clothes. His house wasn’t a home when there was nobody but him there. 

His small family home,the one he had been raised in his entire life,would no longer be his home after today. His bags were packed,and the moving truck was waiting for him outside. Shortly after he had hurt his knee,shortly after he had promised his mother and Iwa-chan that they would go to nationals and win,he had lost his mother to cancer. He had never told Iwa-chan,but Ms.Iwaizumi knew. He couldn’t have stomached watching Iwa-chan cry for him again,and they had fought just before that anyways. 

The day he had gone to the Iwaizumi household to ask Iwa-chan’s mother not to tell Iwa-chan about his mother’s passing,he had never felt so alone. He couldn’t fall apart when his team relied on him,and he needed his ace to be in top form. When Ms.Iwaizumi agreed to keep his dirty little secret,and when he explained that there would never be a proper funeral,he had never felt so empty. Oikawa Tōru just wanted to ignore the fact that he was alone. 

Rising to his feet,he sighed and headed towards the bathroom,washing his face and brushing his teeth. He had bathed the previous night,but his nightmares had gotten worse over the last year. He looked into the mirror,noting the bags under his eyes and his dull eyes. He just patted his face dry and put some make-up on,covering the bags so that nobody could ever see. He had become an expert in covering up his exhaustion after many sleepless nights,so he knew nobody would notice. 

Tōru knew everything,even if he wouldn’t say it. He knew how Iwa-chan only thought of him as a friend. He knew how his teammates cared about Iwa-chan more than they cared about him. He knew how Kageyama would go places,and how the Karasuno crows were flying high now. He knew how angry Iwa-chan would be once he realized he had disappeared. He knew that,after today,he wouldn’t be ‘Oikawa Tōru’. There was no ‘Great King’ or ‘Grand King’ if there was no Iwa-chan. 

Stepping out of the bathroom,Tōru stripped his shirt and pants off,changing into some casual clothes. He wouldn’t be staying on the campus for long,mainly because he was just going to hand in his jersey. 

He skipped breakfast,mainly because he had already packed up his bowls and chopsticks. The only thing of ‘his’ that he was leaving behind was his mother’s shrine,so he sat down in front of it and smiled at the picture bitterly. 

“I’ll be gone after today,mama. Takeru and bubs promised to take care of you and the house,so you don’t need to worry about anything.. Iwa-chan’s probably gonna be upset and break something,ya know? I’m sorry that I haven’t told him about you yet.. He doesn’t need to know,’cause he doesn’t tell me anything either.. And,I.. I won’t apologize about my sexuality today.. I’m sorry that I always apologize for it,but you knew even before I did,and today I don’t want to apologize to you so much.” He said softly,forcing back tears as he bowed his head. He couldn’t look at the shrine directly for too long,his heart aching. His knee hurt,but he ignored it as he forced himself to his feet. “I’ll be home later to help the movers,mama,so I’m sorry.” He said,flicking the lights off as he walked through the house. He grabbed the backpack he had packed the previous night,walking out and locking the door behind himself. 

The walk to school felt longer than ever that day,and his knee felt like it ached worse the closer he got to campus. His heart pounded in his chest as he walked,but he kept his head up and a fake smile plastered on his face. 

Stepping into the gym made his heart swell with emotions. Some of the first-years were crying,the third-years all looking equally as sad. Examining the group,he immediately took note of Iwa-chan,who looked distressed from all the crying. 

“Hey,what’s all this about? You can’t go crying!” Oikawa forced his voice out,swallowing the lump in his throat. “I’ve just gotten here,you can’t cry when I haven’t even left yet.” He grinned,feeling arms being wrapped around him. Kindaichi was only a couple of inches taller than him,and the amount of strength behind the hug actually hurt. “Can’t… Breathe…” He wheezed out after a few minutes. 

“Sorry,senpai!” Kindaichi said as he released him,stepping back and bowing. “I promise that me and the rest of the team will make it to nationals before I graduate! I’ll make you proud!” He shouted. Oikawa just laughed and ruffled his hair,telling him everything was fine. He was confident in his now ex-teammates. 

“Listen up,you guys!” Oikawa called out,his voice ringing through the gymnasium. His ex-teammates soon surrounded him,most of them drying their tears. He just gave them a huge,genuine grin to comfort them. “I’ll start off with you bratty first years,alright? Kindaichi-kun,you’ll be an amazing second-year,so stay confident. Kunimi-kun,put a bit more trust in your teammates,and believe in them.” He said,seeing the two start to tear up again. 

“Yes sir..” They both said through sniffles,Oikawa just grinning at them. 

“Second-years,I’m trusting you.. You guys are the future of Aobajohsai.” Oikawa said,chuckling as he looked at them. “Yahaba-kun,you’re not filling my shoes,you’re making a pair of your own. Dig your soles into the sand and scream with all of your heart that you own the court. You’re not going to be captain next year for nothing.” He said,watching the other lower his head. “Watachi,please keep moving forward. You’ve got the brilliance to save any ball.” He told his friend,grinning. “Mad Dog-chan.. No,Kyōtani-kun,please listen well to Yahaba-kun from now on,and respect your elders. Grow with your team,sharpen your fangs,and don’t let go when you bite down in a game.” He told him,receiving a slight glare. The boy didn’t recoil for once as Oikawa patted his head,but his irritation was obvious. “You second-years are the dandelions sprouting through the concrete,the roses that will bud every year until they become the prettiest ones in the garden. Keep it up.” He ordered. 

“Yes sir!” Yahaba and Watari called out in unison. Kyōtani just muttered it,but he didn’t look at him until Yahaba punched his shoulder and scolded him. After he was scolded,Kyōtani repeated his words louder and faced Oikawa,earning a chuckle from the older male. 

“Third-years,we’re moving out.. Mattsun,I hope you keep playing volleyball and stay good friends with everyone.. Makki,you should keep being yourself and keep enjoying life to the fullest.. And Iwa-chan,I.. I am glad that I met you back then.” Oikawa said,forcing a bright smile. “Us third-years are officially picked flowers. We’re no longer growing in the concrete because we’ve planted our roots elsewhere.. Just wait and see where we’ll go.” He announced. He laughed when Matsukawa threw an arm around his shoulder and ruffled his hair,before he stepped away from his group. “I have to go hand in my jersey and head home,but I’ll see you guys next time,alright?” He asked with a smile,watching as people began to split off into their groups. 

“Of course,Tōru-kun. We’re all gonna meet up next weekend,so we’ll see you then,right?” Hanamaki asked,relaxing when he saw Oikawa nod. 

For once,Oikawa didn’t look back at Hajime. He didn’t feel the need to stare at him today,he didn’t feel the need to soak in every detail of his face. He’d spent the majority of the previous night,as well as the majority of his morning,reflecting on the years he’d spent beside Iwaizumi.He’d spent too long by his side,and now he needed to leave before he did something he would regret. 

“Mizoguchi-sensei,Irihata-sensei,thank you.” Tōru said,bowing his head deeply as he held his jersey out to the two. “I’m glad that I experienced an Aobajohsai with everyone here.” 

“Oikawa-kun,we both trust you to keep moving forward.. Please be happy in the future.” The two said,taking the jersey from him. Tōru raised his head and smiled at them,glad he was able to train under their supervision for so long. 

“I’ll be off,now.” He said,heading to the door. He felt Iwaizumi grab his arm,but he just pulled away.

“Shittykawa,let’s talk.” The boy said,his voice stern and unwavering. 

“Let’s talk next time,Iwa-chan. I have to get home and help my mother out.” He told him casually,shrugging him off like usual. “Call me later or something,but I’m not in the mood to talk to you right now. Stay and have fun with the others.” He said,not looking at him. “I’ll see you later,Iwa-chan.” He said as he walked off. Once he was far enough away,he turned back and threw his arms up,waving and grinning at him as tears streamed down his face. Once he was sure Iwa-chan saw,he turned back around and disappeared into the crowd.

That night,Hajime Iwaizumi found himself at a familiar doorstep,knocking on the same familiar door,and waiting for a reply. It took only a few minutes before the door slid open,and instead of Shittykawa’s usually grinning face greeting him,he was greeted by little Takeru. 

“Uncle Iwaizumi? Sorry,mama said not to answer the door until she was done in the kitchen..” He said. 

“Hey buddy,where’s Crappykawa at?” Iwaizumi asked as he leaned down. “Did he go out or something?” He asked,looking up when he heard Miyagi call out for Takeru. 

“Take-.. Oh,it’s just you,Hajime-san.” Miyagi said as she walked in. “What’s up? Tōru didn’t say you’d show up today..” 

“What do you mean? Where’s Shittykawa at,anyway? I wanted to drag him out to hang out with the other new graduates,but he hasn’t answered any of my texts.” Iwaizumi asked,sighing. 

“Tōru moved out today,and we moved in a few years ago.. Akihiro decided to take over the household since Tōru’s not here anymore..” Miyagi replied,pulling Takeru to her side and wrapping an arm around him as she faced the man before her. 

“Shittykawa did _what?_ What do you mean he ‘moved out’? Where’s his mother at? Akihiro can’t just take over the house out of nowhere,and Shittykawa wouldn’t just leave without saying anything to me!” Iwaizumi spoke,his voice getting progressively louder as he stepped inside. “Just because we fought the other day doesn’t mean you get to hide,Shittykawa! Come out!” He called out,stomping towards Oikawa’s room. He wouldn’t wait for a reply,his heart racing as he looked around. “Shittykawa,come out already! It’s not funny.. It’s not.. Where the hell are you,Shittykawa?” He choked up as he looked around the empty room,seeing the blank walls and the empty bed. There wasn’t even a stuffed animal left behind,but Oikawa’s signature cologne burned his nose as he breathed in the sight of it all. 

“Hajime-san,Tōru left today.. He said for us not to tell you about it,but he’s got an apartment now.. And what do you mean about his mother? She died earlier this year,how come you don’t know that? Are you just not feeling well?” Miyagi asked anxiously as she approached. She had sent Takeru to the living room to keep him out of the ‘grown up’ business,not wanting him to hear any of this. 

“Don’t fuck with me!” Iwaizumi shouted,slamming the side of his fist against the wall to try and redirect the pain he was feeling to something physical. If he was in actual pain,then maybe it wouldn’t hurt after his injury healed. “Shittykawa’s just out with his mom,right? He’ll be back soon,right? Tell me,Miyagi-chan!” You’re just bullshitting me,aren’t you?!” 

“Hajime-san!” A sharp voice shouted,Iwaizumi jerking around to face Akihiro. The tall boy shook his head as he looked down at Hajime,seeming disgusted with him. “Come outside with me. You’re not doing this in front of my family.” He ordered,heading back down the stairs. Iwaizumi stumbled after him,his heart racing as he tried to make sense of the thoughts that now flooded his head. 

“Akihiro-san,where’s Tōru?” He asked once they made it outside. He couldn’t say that stupid nickname right now,he couldn’t think of Oikawa right now. He needed to just think of a location,just think of going somewhere and finding him. He needed to see him,to make sure he was okay and talk all of this out. 

“Tōru’s not living here anymore,Hajime-san. He moved out earlier today,with a moving truck and everything.. He told me he wasn’t gonna tell you about it,so I can see why you’re pissed off,but don’t shout in front of my son ever again.” Akihiro said,trying to keep his voice as calm as possible despite his anger. “Be glad I don’t hit you for it.”

“Where’s he at? Where’d he move to? Why wouldn’t he tell me your mother died? Why wouldn’t he tell me anything about all of this shit?!” Hajime asked,trying not to shout again. 

“You don’t have the right to blame him for all of this shit. You’re selfish,Hajime-san. I can usually stand ‘ignorant’ people,but I can’t stand you. Tōru loved you,and you fucking _knew_ he loved you. You chose to ignore that he loved you,and you chose to ignore his feelings. I’m not gonna tell you where he moved,you can go and fuck yourself.. Now get the hell off of my property.” Akihiro snarled out,stomping back into his house. 

Hajime Iwaizumi was left standing alone in front of the Oikawa household that hot July night. There was no rain to hide his tears,and no thunder to drown out his sobs. 


	2. Lamentations of the Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is Hajime's story,taking place three years after the first chapter. As Hajime tries to work through his feelings,he begins to wonder if there is a happy ending possible for him and 'Shittykawa'.

(This chapter’s song is “You’re the Last Thing on My Mind” by Aron Wright,so credit goes to the original artist for the lyrics! This song felt like the perfect one to describe how Hajime would feel after Oikawa’s disappearance.)

**_‘On the other side of this closet door_ **

“Mom,where are all of those pictures?” Hajime asked one day. Oikawa had disappeared two weeks prior,and the boy was finally ready to try and sort out his thoughts. 

“They’re in my closet. I told you that I had made scrapbooks,right? Almost every picture I have is of you and Tōru-chan together. You two have always been together.” His mother told him,reaching out and ruffling his hair. “I’ll get them for you.” 

“I can get them myself.” Hajime told her,pushing her hand away and heading to her room. Standing in front of the closet door,he took a deep breath and gathered his courage. He had never been able to acknowledge how he felt about Oikawa,but he knew looking back on everything would help him. 

Sliding that closet door open was the thing that terrified him the most. Looking down at the stack of boxes,he just knelt down and grabbed the first one,staring down at the scrapbook. He lowered himself further,just sitting on his butt as he cracked the book open. 

“Ah,this one’s from when we were babies..” He muttered numbly,staring at the very first picture. His heart already ached as he looked at them,sighing a bit. His family had moved away before he was even a year old,but they’d moved back because of his father’s job.

He slowly flipped through the book,taking in each and every picture. Once he was done with one,he grabbed another,slowly making his way through the scrapbooks until he made it to the final box. Cracking it open,his eyes widened at the sight of the cover. A picture of him and Oikawa curled up with each other when they were kids,holding hands as they slept,filled his view. The memories he had been suppressing for so long flooded his mind. 

**_You and I are packed in boxes pictures taken from before_ **

_ “Iwa-chan,let me sleep over!” Little seven-year-old Tōru demanded one day,Hajime staring at him before giggling.  _

_ “It’s not like I’d say no,Dummykawa. It’s a weekend after all.” He replied,holding his hand out. “Let’s walk home already,dummy.” He added,his heart racing when he saw a huge grin on his best-friend’s face.  _

_ “Hey,Iwa-chan,we’ll be friends forever,right?” Tōru asked as he grabbed his hand,Hajime grinning.  _

_ “Of course,Dummykawa. I’m the only one who could handle how dumb you are,after all.” He told him confidently. “I’ll never leave you.”  _

_ “Iwa-chan,that’s so mean!”  _

_ \------ _

_ “Crappykawa,do you think we’re gonna be together forever?” Eight-year-old Hajime asked one night,staring out his window. When he didn’t hear a reply,he turned to face his friend,seeing the sad look on his face. “What’s wrong?!” _

_ “It’s just.. Well,my papa says that friends don’t stay together..” Tōru said,sniffling and wiping his eyes. Hajime panicked a little,trying to think of a way to calm him down.  _

_ “Then we’ll just be more than friends! We’re best-friends,right?! If you love someone,you’ll never have to separate!” Hajime said,grabbing his hand and squeezing it tightly. “We’re even closer than best-friends,Crappykawa!”  _

_ “There.. There’s nothing closer than that,Iwa-chan..!” Tōru started to cry even more,Hajme just gripping his hand as his mind raced with ideas. Remembering the book his father had read to him the previous night,he perked up.  _

_ “We’re soulmates,Oikawa! There’s nothing closer than that,and soulmates are meant to stay together forever,so we’ll be fine!” He told him,grinning as confidently as he could. “So don’t worry about it! I’ll always be on your side,’cause we’re partners for life!” He said. Tōru pounced on him,hugging him as tightly as he could and crying into his chest. Hajime held him tightly that night,rubbing his back and trying to comfort him.  _

_ \---- _

_ “Iwa-chan,I’m nervous..” Oikawa whispered one day. It was their first day of middle-school,and both boys were anxious. Gripping onto the strap of his bag,Hajime just nodded and walked silently for a bit. When he felt Oikawa grab the back of his shirt,he turned to face him. That was Oikawa’s usual way of seeking comfort since he had banned holding hands,so he wasn’t very surprised.  _

_ “We’ll be fine,Crappykawa. We’re together,right? We’re joining a new team,but we’re still gonna be together.” Hajime said,grabbing his friend’s hand and smirking. “Don’t tell me you’re scared.”  _

_ “I.. Of course I’m not scared,Iwa-chan!” Tōru snapped,yanking his hand back and grinning. “I’ll race you to the gym!” He shouted,taking off running. Hajime laughed as he chased him,not surprised by his friend’s actions. With Oikawa around,he couldn’t give into his temptations to run and hide.  _

_ \-----  _

_ “Iwa-chan!” Tōru called out as he threw an arm around his friend’s shoulders,kissing his cheek with an excited grin.  _

_ “Oi,Crappykawa,calm down! We’re still in the middle of practice.” Hajime snapped,elbowing him with a laugh.  _

_ “Woah,are you two homos or something?” One of their teammates,Riku,asked,Hajime nearly flinching at how harsh his tone was.  _

_ “Of course not,it’s just a good-luck charm.” Tōru said,frowning as he looked at the taller boy.  _

_ “That’s not normal,dude. That’s nasty.” The guy said,Hajime clenching his fists.  _

_ “What,would you have a problem if we were homos or something? My mother raised me to respect how people feel about one another,regardless of gender.” Hajime snapped,his tone coming out harsher than he meant.  _

_ “Well go be homo somewhere else!” Riku snapped,trying to shove him. Hajime braced himself for the push,his eyes widening when he saw Tōru punch the boy instead.  _

_ “Don’t try to touch Iwa-chan! We’re not homos,we’re just friends! You’re not allowed to touch him!” Tōru shouted,his whole body trembling. Hajime knew how scared the boy was of fighting,but he couldn’t bring himself to speak up as he watched the fight that broke out.  _

_ Tōru had been punished by the school and put on a probation period by their team captain because of the fight,but Hajime couldn’t even bring himself to face him after Oikawa was sent home early that day. He was terrified as he came to grips with reality. Believing things would be fine just because they were together was stupid. People wouldn’t accept them,and Oikawa would end up hurt again because of it.  _

_ Instead of thanking him or checking up on him that day,Hajime texted him that night to tell him never to kiss his cheek again. He had decided to stop holding hands with Tōru,to force the other to stop kissing and touching him as much as possible,in order to protect both of them.  _

_ \---- _

_ “Tōru,why can’t I tell Hajime about the fact that your mother has passed?” Hajime heard his mother ask one day. He had just returned from a date with his girl-friend,and had stopped in his tracks outside of the kitchen door upon hearing that question.  _

_ “If I see Iwa-chan cry again because of me,I think I’ll end up losing my mind.” Tōru told her,his voice more hollow than Hajime had ever heard it before. “We have a game soon anyways,and I couldn’t forgive myself if this kind of thing hurt the team’s performance or something.” He added. Hajime clenched his fists as he listened in,before deciding he wouldn’t listen anymore and left the house as silently as he’d come in.  _

_ “Stupid Shittykawa.. Stupid dumbass.. Fucking moron..” He muttered to himself as he walked,knowing he couldn’t say anything to his face. He wasn’t supposed to know anything,and ignoring Oikawa’s wish for secrecy would make him a scumbag.  _

_ Feigning ignorance was the thing Hajime Iwaizumi did best,after all. He had pretended not to notice Tōru’s feelings for him for years,had pretended to be oblivious to how hard he worked himself to the point of injury,and he had lived in blissful peace despite his own emotions his whole life.  _

**_On the other side of this bedroom door_ **

Staring at the scrapbook,Hajime was shocked to see teardrops rolling off the cover. He hadn’t even realized he’d begun crying,reaching up to wipe his face and chuckling bitterly to himself. He couldn’t make up for anything he’d done. He couldn’t hate Tōru for disappearing when he had forced it onto him. 

The very last scrapbook,at the very bottom of the final box,was the one that made him a sobbing mess. The pictures were all glued in lopsided ways,the little notes beside them his own handwriting.

A picture of him dressed as a dragon and Oikawa as a knight,the two holding hands and grinning.  **Crappykawa looked more like a Prettykawa.**

A picture of him in a Godzilla onesie,gripping Tōru’s hand while the other was dressed in an alien onesie.  **Alienkawa and Godjime- Partners in crime.**

A picture of him and Oikawa at an aquarium,the two of them holding hands as they stared up at the fish.  **Crappykawa reminds me of an angelfish.**

A picture of him and Oikawa on their first day of school,the two grinning at the camera as they held up peace signs.  **First day of school! Together forever!**

A picture of him and Oikawa on their first day of middle-school,the two grinning and holding up peace signs just like they had so many years prior.  **We’re going to be partners forever.**

Stumbling to his feet,Hajime choked back a sob,stumbling out of his mother’s room to find her waiting for him. He threw himself into her arms and broke down,sobbing as he gripped onto her like a child. 

“I.. It’s been so long since I even thought of it.. I.. I’m such a piece of shit!” He choked out,forcing his voice out as best as he could. 

“Shh,it’s okay.. Hey,you’re fine.. You two are soulmates,right? You’ll find him again before you know it..” She said soothingly as she rubbed his back. 

**_There are phantom shadows dancing on the sunlit floor_ **

It took nearly an hour for Hajime to stop crying,the boy sniffling as he sat down at the kitchen table. He hated himself more than ever,but he also felt strangely better. He understood now that he loved Oikawa,and that he didn’t need to be afraid. 

“Why do I have to realize this when he’s gone..?” He asked,his mother just sitting down across from him. 

“You’ve known for years,Hajime.. Everyone’s known,actually.” She said,squeezing his hand comfortingly. “I’ve been trying to coax you into realizing it before it got to this point,but you’re pretty dense.” She laughed a bit,sighing when she realized he didn’t seem to think it was funny. “Would you like to hear a story?”

“I’m not a little kid anymore.. Hearing a story isn’t going to make me feel better..” He muttered. 

“Please,just listen.” She said. Hajime just took a deep breath and nodded,sighing a bit. 

**_I was dumb to think I'd keep you under lock and key_ **

“Well.. Once upon a time,there was a duo that wanted to be happy. They had been best-friends since they were babies,and they promised to be together forever.” She said. 

“I don’t need a story about my life.” Hajime snapped,earning a laugh. 

“It’s not about you two.” She said. “But the two girls were afraid.. Both of them were afraid of the world around them,terrified they would be forced apart,so they kept quiet about it until it was too late. When both of them were married and pregnant,they talked and talked. They had plenty of time,after all,since they were waiting for their little miracles to be born. The more they talked,the more honest they got. One day,they crossed the line and confessed to having been in love with each-other. One of the girls was terrified of losing the family she was trying to build,desperate to have a house that felt like a home,while the other.. The other wasn’t able to face herself. They wanted to be together more than anything,but they couldn’t just abandon their husbands and ignore their fears.. And one day,the one who couldn’t face herself welcomed a little miracle named ‘Hajime Iwaizumi’ into the world. Forty days later,the one who craved a family welcomed a little miracle named ‘Tōru Oikawa’ into the world. And before we knew it,we were both absolutely in love with each-other,and in love with you two. We wished you two could have the lives filled with happiness that the two of us couldn’t have.” She said,her voice cracking. Seeing her son staring at her in shock pushed her to continue speaking. “We both wanted so much for the two of you,and we prayed that you two would find happiness in any form.. One day,I realized I couldn’t take it anymore,and we moved.. I stopped all contact with her after leaving,but when we moved back when you were just a kid,she was there to welcome me home.. When you and Tōru-chan became close friends,we both kept our emotions bottled up.. The day you asked me what a ‘soulmate’ is was the day I should have told you all of this,because maybe then you two would be together right now,but I still couldn’t face myself.. Tōru-chan asked her about it as well,you know? And then,one day after he had slept over,you told me that you wanted to be together with him always,and I was so proud that you had realized things.. But you were getting more scared the older you got,and I couldn’t force you into it,so I shut my mouth when you two became too close.” 

“You.. You were in love with his mother..?” Hajime asked,scratching his cheek anxiously as he watched her nod. “Crappykawa and I would have ended up like this no matter what,because we’re both cowards.. Well,I’m the coward,not him..” He said softly. 

“Then become brave,Hajime.. You’ll find one another again without a doubt,and when you do,don’t let go of him again.. You’ll regret it your whole life if you lose him again.” She told him,smiling. 

**_It's like you're dripping from the ceilings_ **

“Oi,Hajime-kun,where should I put this box?” Takahiro asked as he held the box up. 

“What’s in it?” Hajime asked as he looked over. “Ah,that’s the box full of bowls and stuff,right? Just set it down on the counter.” He said. 

It had been two years since Oikawa’s disappearance,and Hajime had begun to ‘move on’ with his life. He had broken up with his girlfriend,got a new job,and focused on his college classes for now. He was still keeping a close eye out for Oikawa,but he had decided not to try and track him down until he got his degree. He wanted to become a man worthy of facing that dumbass again,but his heart was always aching. 

“Issei-kun,let me get that box,it looks heavy.” Takahiro said,taking the box from his friend and giving him a small smile. Issei just chuckled and grabbed a lighter box,taking it to the bathroom and setting it down since it was full of towels. 

While Issei and Takahiro had never separated,and while Hajime was good friends with both,it still made him a bit bitter to see how close they were while he was alone. They had agreed to help him with moving his things into his apartment,but he still couldn’t see them as anything but dorks. 

**_Wall to wall you're all I see_ **

Hanging up some of the pictures was awkward while the other two watched. They asked about them,but Hajime kept his explanations short. Even though they knew he was in love with Oikawa,he wasn’t exactly ready to tell them about everything. 

“We have that reunion soon,right? We all promised back before graduation that we’d meet up this year.. Do you think Oikawa will show up?” Issei asked suddenly,making Hajime freeze in the middle of hanging a picture up. 

“He promised he’d show,right? Crappykawa won’t break a promise,even if he’s been hiding for so long..” Hajime muttered,not looking at them. His hands were shaking now,Takahiro silently taking over putting the pictures up to let the other relax. 

**_Although everything around me is screaming otherwise_ **

That night,looking around his new apartment,Hajime Iwaizumi felt strange. In a week,he could see Oikawa again. He could shout at him and yell about how stupid he was,he could insult him and hug him and he could cry. He could watch as he gave a toast to how much their old teammates had grown,he could hear him as he bragged about how well he was doing in college. He knew Oikawa was smarter than he gave him credit for,so he was certain he was doing fine. Gripping his shirt,he screwed his eyes shut and prayed that Oikawa would show up. He couldn’t stand the idea of seeing his old teammates without Oikawa there. There was no way he could ever accept that. 

**_You're the last thing on my mind_ **

The seven days after moving into his new apartment,Hajime found himself absolutely distracted. While he tried to drown himself in the work he needed to get done,he realized quickly that it was impossible. He wanted to hear Oikawa’s voice at least once,and he found himself watching videos instead of working on an essay he needed to get done for class. Videos Oikawa had recorded of himself and their teammates,the ones Hajime had said he had deleted. They were the most precious things to him now. 

**_You're the last thing on my..._ **

Being scolded by his boss wasn’t fun,but explaining that he was excited to see someone important to him led to his boss promising to let him off of work early on Sunday. He was ecstatic about the prospect of being able to meet up with everyone again,his usually blank expression a soft and gentle smile for the rest of his shifts that week. He was smiling even during classes,and even as he walked home. 

**_When I go outside down our beat up steps_ **

When he went to tell his mother,she didn’t seem as excited as he was. 

“So you’re certain Tōru-kun will show up?” She asked,making him frown. 

“Of course he will,he promised everyone that he’d be there.” He said,not very amused that she doubted him. 

“Well don’t be too disappointed if he doesn’t show up,okay? I hope he’s there waiting for you,but he might not be there,Hajime..” She said,smiling at him. “I believe you two will work things out eventually.” 

“Of course we will,we’re soulmates.” He said,sliding his shoes back on as he got ready to leave. “I’ll call you and tell you about it Monday.” He said. She just nodded and waved him off,smiling softly as she did so.

**_Every crack is just an echo of the morning when you left_ **

Walking the street leading up to the bar,Hajime found himself staring at the ground. The cracked pavement beneath his feet reminded him of so many things. The days he had walked home with Oikawa by his side,all the way back to when they were still just two little brats. He’d be arriving a bit ahead of schedule,and he only prayed that the others would do the same. He wanted to see Shittykawa right away,and being away from him right now was ripping him apart. 

Turning his phone on,he looked down at the screen silently,looking at the last texts he had sent Oikawa. He had stopped texting him after a week of no replies. 

**Oikawa,call me.**

**How come you left?**

**I’m sorry,just pick up the phone,okay?**

**Listen,I need to talk to you. It’s important.**

**Where the hell did you even go?**

**If you’re so in love with me,why not face me?**

**It’s fine even if you don’t text me back,but you should at least text the others back. Ghosting everyone isn’t cool.**

He chuckled bitterly to himself,sighing as he ran a hand through his messy hair. He hadn’t tried to text him since then,and nobody on the team had heard from Oikawa since the day he disappeared,so seeing him today would be their first contact in three years. He would be able to see that dumbass face of his,and he knew he’d never let him go again. 

**_All the friends we knew seem to ask about you_ **

“Hajime-san! It’s been a while!” Shinji called out as he arrived,Hajime waving and chuckling. 

“It really has been a while,huh? I didn’t expect you,of all people,to be waiting here already.” Hajime said,making the other laugh. 

“Well Takahiro-san is already inside with Issei-san,but Shigeru-san and Kentarō-san will be a bit late because they got into another argument.” Shinji told him,Hajime nodding along. 

“And what about Kindaichi and Kunimi?” He asked,tilting his head to the side slightly as he looked at him. 

“They said they won’t be able to make it.. They said there was an electrical fire that started on-campus,and because he was the one responsible for it,Kindaichi has to stay and clean up. Kunimi said he’d stay behind and help him,but I’m betting he just doesn’t actually feel like drinking.” Shinji explained,chuckling a bit. 

“Ah,well.. Let’s go in,anyways,we’re blocking part of the sidewalk.” Hajime said,heading inside. 

“Any word from Tōru-kun?” Shinji asked as he followed behind him. Hajime froze mid-step,his chest tightening at the fact that he couldn’t bring himself to answer immediately. 

“Not yet,but I know he’ll show up.. Shittykawa keeps his word.” Hajime told him,his voice soft but unbending. 

“How do you even know he’s okay?” Shinji asked,staring at him curiously. 

**_I just tell them that you're doing fine I know it's true_ **

“It’s Shittykawa,no matter where he is,he’ll be fine.. He’s smart,even if I call him a dumbass.. He’s strong,even if he calls himself weak,so I know he’s just fine.” Hajime snapped,before lightening his tone and chuckling. “Now then,we should get to drinking,right? My poor underclassmen are late,and two of them won’t even show up,so I should at least drink for them.” 

“Right..” Shinji muttered,scratching his cheek slightly. Everyone knew not to question Hajime when it came to Tōru,especially not after the latter’s disappearance. Gripping his phone tighter,he stayed close behind his senpai. 

“We’ve been waiting on you,Hajime-kun!” Issei greeted him,apparently already a bit tipsy. 

“How long have you guys been here? I thought I’d end up being the first one here or something.” Hajime asked,raising an eyebrow as he took his seat. 

“Are you stupid? Of course you weren’t first! Alcohol was waiting,so we had to hurry to drink it!” Issei shouted,throwing an arm around his shoulder. Hajime jumped a bit and slapped his arm away without thinking,giving the other a sharp glare. 

“Don’t just do that out of nowhere,Issei-kun.” Hajime said strictly,his gaze unwavering now. 

“That’s Tōru’s spot,after all.” Takahiro said suddenly,making the others fall even quieter before they began to laugh. 

“Well,Shittykawa’s never changed since we were kids,after all.. He always came running after me,screaming out ‘Iwa-chan’ and clinging onto me.” Hajime said,chuckling as he took a swig from his glass. Setting it back down,he continued to speak. “He used to be shorter than me,but out of nowhere he shot up like a weed. The second he was taller than me he started to throw his arm around my shoulder like that. It was hella embarrassing back in middle-school.” 

“Seriously? That sounds exactly like Tōru-kun! He’s really never changed,huh? He used to be a real ‘king’.” Issei joked,earning a chuckle from Takahiro. 

“Do you remember the day he brought a stuffed alien to practice and said it was his baby because he didn’t want to use the dolls the home-ec class gave his girlfriend?” Takahiro asked,chuckling. “He cried when we all threw it outside,and his girlfriend even yelled at him because of it!” 

“That day was fucking hilarious! What about the day we all went to the shrine together during the summer festival and he got lost? He was crying like a baby when we finally found him!” Issei said,clutching his stomach as he laughed. 

“Oi,that day wasn’t funny! Shittykawa was seriously crying that day!” Hajime told him,before chuckling. “But it was kinda funny to see him try and dress up,I guess..” He added. 

**_I was dumb to think I'd keep you under lock and key_ **

After nearly an hour of drinking,Hajime finally addressed Shinji’s quietness. “Oi,Shinji-kun,how come you keep looking at your phone? Expecting a text from a girlfriend or something?” 

“It.. Well,it’s not that.. I didn’t wanna say it earlier,but Tōru-kun contacted me..” Issei said awkwardly,forcing his voice out. Hajime froze at that,the others going silent as well. 

“When? And what did he say?” Hajime asked once he mustered up the strength to speak. 

“He texted me earlier..” Shinji told him quietly,Hajime trying to lunge across the table to grab the phone. 

“What the fuck did he say!?” Hajime shouted,Takahiro grabbing him from behind and trying to pull him back into his seat. Issei did the same as Shinji jumped back,knowing Hajime would end up doing something he regretted if they didn’t stop him. 

“Hey,sorry we’re late,Kentarō decided to try and test my patience.” Shigeru said as he suddenly opened the door,freezing and staring at them awkwardly. “So,uh.. What happened?” He asked. 

“Hajime-senpai,what happened?” Kentarō asked. He had become a bit more of a mellowed out person because of Shigeru,but he was still as pissy as ever. 

“I’m good.” Hajime said as he snapped out of his rage and desperation,sighing and taking a few deep breaths to calm himself. Once the others released him,he took his seat again and looked at Shinji. “Just.. What did Shittykawa say?” 

“He said he couldn’t come because he’s in a tight spot right now..” Shinji told everyone after carefully choosing his words. “He said his roommate needs him right now,and that it’s more important..” 

“Something more important than seeing all of us again..?” Issei asked,frowning and shaking his head. “Tōru-kun wouldn’t choose a roommate over us,right?” 

“I talked to him about it,and I tried to convince him to at least stop by for a while,but apparently his roommate just got cheated on or something,so he’s not willing to leave their side..” Shinji explained,trying to keep everyone peaceful. 

“Get him on the phone,right now.” Hajime said,sighing a bit. “I won’t say anything bad,I just want to hear him..” 

“I can try,but I don’t know if he’ll pick up..” Shinji muttered,dialing the number anyways. He called twice,his eyes lighting up when Tōru actually answered. He put it on speaker immediately,greeting him excitedly. “Tōru-kun,you have to explain everything to the guys right now..” He said,his eyes widening when he heard faint sobs in the background. 

“Kōshi,calm down.. Please stop crying..” Tōru’s voice rang,more gentle than Hajime had ever heard it. “Listen,Shinji-san,I’ve already explained myself. I’m not leaving him when he’s like this.. Fuck,I wanna go and kick Daichi’s ass..” He added,his voice stern as he spoke into the phone. 

“You’re roommates with the Karasuno setter..?” Hajime asked before he could stop himself. “You’re choosing a setter from another team over our old teammates..? You’re choosing him over me?” 

“Iwa-ch.. No,Hajime-sama,please forgive me for not rushing to see your royal highness when I have a good friend having a breakdown.” Tōru hissed,sighing when the sobbing got louder. “I’m putting being here for Kōshi above going and drinking with you guys,because I’m not an asshole. Grow up,Hajime.” He snapped,hanging up. 

**_It's like you're dripping from the ceilings_ **

As silence filled the room,everyone just stared at the phone blankly. Gripping it tighter,Shinji turned it off and then slid it into his pocket. 

“That’s how it is..” The boy told the others,nobody looking at Hajime. They all knew it would be hard for him to be so firmly shut down by Tōru,and they were scared of how he could react. 

“Sorry,but I’ve gotta go..” Hajime muttered,standing up. “He said he’s with the setter from Karasuno,right? I know Daichi well,so I’ll just call him and get him to give me their address,and then I’ll go and work everything out.. I’ll go and drag Shittykawa home.” He said. The others were too afraid to move,but it was Kentarō who shut down his senpai’s ramblings by punching him. 

“Hajime-senpai,stop! If you do that right now,you’ll really be a scumbag!” The once ‘Mad-dog-chan’ shouted. Hajime stood there in shock,the others staring at them in terror. 

“You haven’t been the same since Tōru-kun left,but going through all of that is going too far,Hajime-kun..” Shigeru said once he had gathered enough courage to speak. “And now is clearly a bad time to do any of that..” 

“I just want to go see him,what’s so wrong with that?! The Shittykawa I know isn’t like that! He’d never choose someone over me,no matter what!” Hajime shouted,clenching his fists and glaring at them. 

“Hajime-kun,I’m sure you’ve realized this now,but Tōru-kun  _ has  _ changed.” Issei said,standing up and grabbing his arm. “Just sit down,you’ve had too many beers to think straight.. We’ll be kicked out if you cause a bigger scene than this..” 

“Get your fucking hands off of me! You have no clue!” Hajime yelled,shoving him roughly. Takahiro caught Issei before he could fall over,Shigeru putting an arm out to stop Kentarō from moving to hit Hajime again. 

“That’s enough,Hajime.” Takahiro said,his voice cold and strict for once. “I won’t stand for this any longer. You’ve really been a scumbag since Tōru-kun disappeared,and I won’t let you bully everyone just because you feel insecure. Do you want to know the truth? We’ve all been talking to Tōru,but he refuses to talk about you. Whenever we try and get him to talk about you,or even try to arrange a chance for you two to meet up,he says that he’s not ready to see you again,so shut the fuck up. Your opinion isn’t the only one that matters. If Tōru-kun wanted to see you again,he’d come back on his own,and that’s all there is to it.” He spat. Hajime lunged towards him,grabbing him by the collar and glaring at him. He drew his fist back to punch him,but he stopped when he felt Kentarō grab his arm. He tried to jerk his arm forward,his eyes widening when he realized he couldn’t move it at all. 

“I’ve been training,Hajime-senpai! You can’t beat me so easily anymore!” Kentarō snapped as he held him back,Shigeru stepping between Hajime and Takahiro. 

“All of you should just fuck off.” Hajime spat,jerking his arm away and leaving. He knew he was being selfish,and he couldn’t really decide whether it was the alcohol or his own anger that drove him to stumble back to his mother’s house.

**_Wall to wall you're all I see_ **

Hajime barely made it through the door before he collapsed into sobs. He had broken down many times before over that stupid man he was utterly smitten with,but this time hurt the worst. He had been turned away by Oikawa,and he wasn’t used to that. 

“Hajime,what.. Ah,Tōru didn’t show up,did he?” His mother asked when she saw him. She was worried,of course,so she grabbed the boy by the shoulders and hugged him tightly. “You’re gonna be okay,Hajime.. You’re fine,it’s fine..” She soothed him,rubbing his back gently. 

“Wha… What the fuck did I do wrong..? Why? Why am I not enough for him..? Why did he choose someone else..?” He sobbed out,gripping onto her. 

Hajime Iwaizumi was an ugly crier when he truly broke down,and the snot and tears running down his face proved it. He was sobbing loudly for nearly an hour before his mother had finally soothed him enough for him to properly answer her questions. 

“What happened..? How did he choose someone else,Hajime..?” She asked him softly,the boy sniffling as he tried to calm down. 

“He answered the phone and he said that he wouldn’t show up and I know where he is but all of the guys keep saying that it’s wrong of me to even try and approach him,but there’s nothing wrong with it,right..?! He’s mine,not anyone else’s,so why!?” He rambled,his voice getting progressively more high-pitched as he spoke. 

“Hajime,calm down.. Tell me everything that happened in detail,okay..?” She asked softly,the boy shakily nodding. 

**_Although everything around me is screaming otherwise_ **

It took barely fifteen minutes for the boy to explain the events of the day to his mother,but it took nearly twenty minutes for the woman to even speak. She was holding back laughter,understanding perfectly well just how spoiled Tōru had made him. 

“You became too confident,Hajime,and that’s a good portion of the reason all of this happened,you know..?” She asked,patting his back. “You’re used to him dropping everything and running to be by your side,but right now he can’t,so you’re pissed off.” 

“I’m not pissed off,and I’m not spoiled!” He snapped,sighing a bit as he ran a hand through his hair. “Do you understand how annoying this is..? He’s supposed to.. He’s supposed to stay alone if he’s not with me.. Fuck,that’s not right..” He muttered,sighing as he tugged on his hair. “I don’t want him to isolate himself,but I don’t want him to be sleeping in the same house as another man..”

“And you believe he’s going to sleep with a man who just got cheated on..?” She asked,raising an eyebrow. “Tōru is more innocent than you are,Hajime.” 

“I’ve not done anything that bad!” He said,his cheeks turning a light shade of pink as he looked away. “Well,I had slept with Hana a few times,but that wasn’t a big deal..” He mumbled,his mother punching his shoulder. 

“You are  _ so  _ lucky I hadn’t found out until after you two broke up! I would have died from worry had you knocked her up or something!” She scolded him,sighing a bit. “I definitely never would have left you two alone in your room together with the door shut,either..” 

“Hushhh!” He whined,his face a bit pink. “Geez,just hush..! That stuff is embarrassing to talk about..! Just tell me what I should do to get that stupid Shittykawa back..” 

“”First,start by calling him by his name properly. If your reunion with him is just you calling him names then you clearly haven’t matured at all.” She told him,making him sigh and nod. “Now here’s what you should do..” 

**_You're the last thing on my mind_ **

Exactly a month after the phone call,Hajime Iwaizumi appeared at a bar near Daichi Sawamura’s place. Waiting patiently for his friend,he took a seat in a booth silently. 

It took nearly fifteen minutes after their appointed time for Daichi to show himself,the two greeting one another awkwardly. 

“It’s been a long time,Daichi-san..” Hajime said,Daichi nodding as he sat down. 

“Yeah,it’s been a while since I last saw you..” The man said,ordering a drink calmly. “Anyways,what made you call me exactly..? You told me that you’d explain once we met up,so spill it.” 

“Well I’m here to look for Tōru,and I feel like you know exactly where he is.” Hajime said,putting his elbow on the table and his chin on his hand as he stared at him sharply. “So tell me,Daichi-san,where does Kōshi-san live..?” 

“I don’t think prying into such things is appropriate,Hajime-san,so tell me why you want his address first.” Daichi said strictly,Hajime barely keeping a neutral expression as he forced back the smirk that wanted to show itself on his face. 

**_You're the last thing on my mind_ **

“Daichi-san,from what I know,you were dating Kōshi-san for two years in highschool and for three additional years after graduating,correct? And then you two broke up a month ago because you cheated,am I right or wrong? I don’t believe it’s beneficial for either of us to pry into the other’s intentions,so tell me what I want to know and I’ll leave you be.” Hajime purred out,his words laced with venom as his sharp eyes deciphered every reaction Daichi had to his words. The widening and then narrowing of his eyes,the way he shifted his weight in his seat,all of it. Hajime needed to move carefully enough to destroy this man if he wanted to get Tōru back.

“And you think bringing that up is going to make me tell you Suga’s location? To put it simply,you know nothing about what has been happening for the last three years,and now you’re trying to slide in and snatch Tōru back,correct?” Daichi hissed,gripping his glass until his knuckles began to turn white. 

**_Although everything around me is screaming otherwise_ **

“To put it simply,I’m here to take back what’s mine. Tōru belongs to me,and Kōshi-san belongs to you,correct? The two of them living together is quite adorable,but I won’t allow it any longer. I’m not going to touch Kōshi-san.” Hajime told him,smirking as he stared at him. “I heard from a friend of mine about how possessive you are when it comes to him,so of course you feel insecure with Tōru living with Kōshi-san,so just give me his address and I’ll be on my way. After that,you can repair your relationship.” 

“There’s no repairing my relationship with Suga,so shut up about it. I’m not giving you his address,so screw off and stop being a creep.” Daichi snapped,his voice cold and strict. 

**_You're the last thing on my mind_ **

“The only one I want is Tōru,so what’s your problem with giving me his address..? I’m just taking back what’s mine. I’m not going to flirt with your ex,so chill.” Hajime said,sighing. He had angered the other too much,apparently,based off of this reaction. He had intended to bully him into submission so they’d both have a second chance,but Daichi didn’t seem to understand that. 

“Be glad I can’t hit you right now.” Daichi hissed out,not wishing to continue this conversation. 

**_You're the last thing on my mind_ **

“If I let you hit me will you give me his address?” Hajime asked,sighing. “I’ll be honest with you,I can’t stand the idea of being away from Tōru much longer.. We’re damn near four years apart at this point.. I haven’t seen a single picture of him,either..” 

“The hell? You two really fought badly,huh?” Daichi asked,chuckling slightly. “I still see Suga nearly daily,so our relationship isn’t even as bad as yours.” He bragged. 

**_Although everything around me is screaming otherwise_ **

“And how badly do you think you’re hurting Kōshi-san if you’re still bugging him daily?” Hajime asked,glaring sharply at him. 

“Not nearly as badly as Tōru has been hurting. He ran away from you and hid with us crows,after all.” Daichi told him,standing up with a smirk. 

**_I can only find my happiness in your eyes_ **

The two were glaring at one another after that,neither one willing to bend their wills,and it was Hajime that finally backed down. 

**_Although everything around me is screaming otherwise_ **

“Please just tell me Kōshi-san’s address.. I’ll even pay you for it if you want,I just can’t stand this anymore..” He pleaded. 

“I don’t need any money from you.. I’ll tell you,but only on the condition that you get him out of Suga’s house.. I can’t calm myself down if that bastard’s still living with him.” Daichi said,sighing and running a hand through his hair. 

**_You're the last thing on my…_ **

Everything was fine until Daichi got a phone call,and they were suddenly racing to the hospital.


	3. Lamentations of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (This is the first chapter centering around Kei Tsukishima and Tadashi Yamaguchi! The phone call Daichi got in the last chapter was from Tsukishima,but what will happen now? I’ll warn you ahead of time that this chapter deals heavily with depression,self-harm,and many other heavy topics,so please be aware of that before continuing. The song used for this chapter is ‘Hold On’ by Chord Overstreet. I recommend listening to it!) 

**_Loving and fighting_ **

“Tsukki,how come you’re always looking at your phone..?” Tadashi asked him while they were snuggled up. Kei Tsukishima had never been a person fond of cuddling,but Tadashi Yamaguchii was always an exception to that. With his head on the blond’s lap,the freckled boy looked up at him and grinned,making the blond scoff a little. It was an almost habitual thing for the two to end up like this after a study session,as it used to calm Tadashi down whenever he became upset,so Kei was no longer fazed by being a lap pillow. Since they were third-years now,the duo needed to focus on studying for university tests. 

“I’m just waiting for Tetsurō-san to text back is all.” Kei told him calmly. “I’ve been trying to get him to call me back for a week now,but he’s refused all of my calls.” 

“What do you need him for this time..? Hey,you don’t love him,right?” Tadashi asked,staring up at him. When he saw the shock on his friend’s face,he sat up immediately,his head bumping the other’s chin hard enough to make them both flinch. 

“What the hell was that for?” Kei asked,rubbing his chin with a sigh. 

“I just.. You like Tetsurō-san,don’t you..? How come you never told me? And for how long?” Tadashi asked,staring at him. 

“Hah..? Yamagcuhi,you don’t seriously think I need to tell you something like that,right? What happens between Tetsurō-san and I has nothing to do with you,even if we are friends.” Kei asked,raising an eyebrow. His cheeks were tinted just a little pink because he had just confessed to having a crush on the older male,but he wasn’t one to show his embarrassment that easily. 

“Right.. Sorry,Tsukki,but I think I’m gonna head home today.. I just remembered that I have to help my mom out with some stuff..” Tadashi muttered,standing up and grabbing his notebooks. 

“Oi,Yamaguchi,what’s wrong with you? Why are you acting like this suddenly?” Kei asked,standing up and trying to grab his arm. His eyes widened when he felt the strength the other shoved him away with,wincing as he fell on his butt. 

“I said that I have to leave,Tsukki. We can talk more tomorrow or something,but I’m leaving for now.” Tadashi said,shoving the notebooks into his bag and rushing out of the room. He nearly bumped into Mrs.Tsukishima,apologizing to her politely before rushing out of the house. Kei just sat there in shock,only snapping out of it when his mother came into his room to ask him about it. 

That night was rather rough for the young blond,and he found himself unable to sleep. 

“Sorry,Tsukki! I didn’t exactly mean to freak you out or make you worried yesterday,but I remembered that I had promised my mother I would be the one to cook dinner last night!” Tadashi said immediately upon seeing the blond the next day. Kei could tell he was lying,but he decided to let it go for now. 

“Right.. Just don’t say anything to Tetsurō-san or anyone else,okay?” Kei asked,relaxing a bit when he saw Tadashi nod. 

“Let’s get to practice,then.” Tadashi said,walking towards the gym. He had grown his hair out a little,but the boy had only become more manly since they were first-years,and even Kei had to admit that he was cool now,though he rarely said it aloud. 

**_Accusing, denying_ **

“Ya.. Yamaguchi..” Kei sobbed into the phone the second his friend answered,his whole body shaking. 

“Tsukki..?! Tsukki,what happened..?! Where are you?!” Tadashi asked worriedly,rushing out of his front door as he spoke. 

“It.. It’s Tetsurō-san..! He rejected me,Yamaguchi.. He’s so cruel..” Kei sniffled,wiping at his eyes desperately. 

“Where are you,Tsukki?” Tadashi asked softly,running towards his friend’s house quickly. His heartbeat was ringing in his ears,his eyes darting around to try and see if Kei was nearby for some reason. 

“I’m at the park near your place.. Please,just hurry..” Kei pleaded softly,hanging up the phone and sniffling. He wiped at his tears,trying to calm himself down. It felt like his heart had been shattered,and he wasn’t sure he could pick the pieces back up alone. 

It took only five minutes for Tadashi to make it to Kei,who was sitting on a bench. Even though he was a sobbing mess that was crying over another man,Tadashi hugged him tightly. Standing there,with his arms wrapped around his heartbroken best-friend,Tadashi Yamaguchi realized how hopeless all of this was. 

“Tsukki,it’s going to be okay..” Tadashi said softly,rubbing his back soothingly. “You’re going to be fine,okay? Tetsurō-san would have been lucky to have you,you know that?” 

“It.. It was fucking hopeless,Yamaguchi.. What the fuck was the point of the last three years? Why did he try and teach me anything if he’s just gonna be a bastard about it..? Why did he have to be the one I fell in love with?” Kei sobbed into his shirt,his arms wrapped around his waist tightly as he clung to him. His eyes widened when he was pushed away,looking up at his best-friend. His vision was distorted both because of his tears and because he had taken his glasses off,but he could practically feel the anger that was radiating off of Tadashi,and it kinda scared him. 

“Tsukki,the last three years haven’t been a waste! You’ve put so much work into volleyball,and that’s something Tetsurō-san could never take away from you!” Tadashi snapped,his fingers digging into Kei’s shoulders as he tightened his grip. He had suffered the last two years knowing that Kei loved someone else,and it pissed him off to be nothing but back-up all over again. “Look at me,you dumbass! Volleyball means more to you than Tetsurō-san,right?! I know it does,even if you won’t admit it to anyone else,because I’ve known you longer than you’ve known yourself! So stop trying to torture yourself,Tsukki.. Please,stop.. Don’t regret the feelings you have for someone because that’s as bad as throwing away the ‘you’ they helped create.” He pleaded,his voice cracking. He dug into his pocket,pulling out his handkerchief and cleaning his friend’s face gently. “You’re strong,Tsukki,so please stop considering yourself weak..” 

**_I can't imagine a world with you gone_ **

“Tsukki,let’s study together!” Tadashi said as he grabbed his friend’s shirt. The two had just finished up on their shifts at the café they worked at,but they both needed to work hard for their classes. 

“Hah? What class are you worried about?” Kei asked,raising an eyebrow as he looked at him. Since they were entering their second semester of college,and since finals were coming up,the duo had decided to move into an apartment together in order to save up some money.

“My economics class is kicking my butt right now,so just having you run some questions for me would be a big help.. I can help you in your history class.” Tadashi explained,a bit embarrassed to have to admit that he was lacking in a class. 

“Fine,but you have to make me a drink and help me with an essay. I can’t seem to figure out the wording,and it’s driving me insane.” Kei sighed,slipping his apron off and hanging it up. 

“Alright. Want the usual?” Tadashi asked,looking over and grinning at his friend. He had grown his hair long enough to put it in a bun,but the boy always had a few strands that framed his freckled face. Seeing the nod Kei gave,he set to work immediately. 

Tadashi knew more about Kei than anyone else,and that was something he took pride in. He knew that he loved volleyball,and that he had earned his spot on their college team because of his hard work. He knew that he loved strawberries,and that he wouldn’t drink anything from the café unless it was made by him or Tadashi himself. He knew that he loved dinosaurs,and that he still has a brachiosaurus plush on his bed. He knew that he loved classical music,but that his playlists consisted solely of rock music. He knew that he liked two sugars and some cream when he wanted to drink ‘normal’ coffee,and that he had started to drink coffee to seem more mature. He knew that his favorite color was blue,and that he used to wear all sorts of baby blue clothes when they were younger. He knew that he hates loud-mouthed,hot-blooded people,and that the only loud-mouths he can tolerate are their old teammates. He knew everything about him,but he didn’t know how Kei saw him. 

Kei knew more about Tadashi than anyone else,and that was something he knew to be a fact. He knew that Tadashi covered his mouth when he laughed because he was used to silencing himself so people wouldn’t pay attention to him. He knew that Tadashi hated crying in front of people because it made him feel weak. He knew that Tadashi was always behind him,but that he was never below him. He knew that Tadashi was always mindful of his words because he was scared he’d hurt someone. He knew that Tadashi’s voice always cracks when he wants to cry,and that he can’t make eye contact when he lies. He knew that Tadashi deserved to stand on the court instead of himself,because he also knew that Tadashi had put more work into volleyball than he’d ever. But most of all,Kei Tsukishima knew fully well that Tadashi Yamaguchi had been in love with him for years.

**_The joy and the chaos, the demons were made of_ **

“The wording should be flipped here.” Tadashi said as he leaned over Kei’s shoulder,pointing at the computer screen. “And over here,instead of saying ‘the day the comet fell,and the day the breeze blew strong,the strong scent of smoke flooded the world’ you should say ‘the breeze carried the scent of smoke from the burning embers surrounding the fallen comet’. Since you have to write it in english,you should probably vary your sentence structure to make sure your writing flows easily.” 

“How the hell do you know this kind of stuff when you don’t even know what the context is?” Kei asked,sighing as he fixed his mistakes. His habit of sitting on the couch with his feet on the table always pissed Tadashi off,but it was more comfortable than just sitting there with his feet on the floor. “Are you cooking dinner tonight,or am I?” 

“I’ll cook,but you’re not allowed to complain about your essay while I’m doing it.” Tadashi said,chuckling a bit. “And you’re not allowed to skip out on your vegetables,either. Drinking a strawberry frappuccino isn’t a meal,and you need to eat well so you’re prepared for your next match.” 

“Are you coming to watch again?” Kei asked,looking over as his friend walked to the kitchen. 

“Of course I am. I won’t have anything going on that day anyways,and I’ll even bake you a cake if you guys win.” Tadashi said as he began to slice some carrots. 

“Then I guess I’ll have to win,won’t I?” Kei asked,chuckling a bit. He had become a bit more expressive since he had broken down after being rejected a year ago,but smiling was still something he was foul at. He could smirk,scowl,glare,and grin at anyone and everyone,but his real smile was reserved solely for his moronic best-friend. 

“Of course you have to win,Tsukki. You’re the best.” Tadashi said with a gentle smile,continuing to chop the vegetables happily. 

“Shut up,Yamaguchi.” Kei muttered,a tiny bit of pink on his cheeks from the compliment. He was used to Tadashi’s constant praise,but it still flustered him sometimes. 

“Sorry,Tsukki.” Tadashi said,chuckling as he looked over at him. He flinched when he sliced his finger,cursing slightly. Kei was by his side in seconds after realizing the other had hurt himself,grabbing his hand and looking at the cut. 

“You’re a dumbass.” Kei said,pulling his hand to his face as he decided to tease him by licking his finger. Tadashi’s face exploded into a satisfying pink,Kei smirking as he repeated his actions. 

“Tsu.. Tsukki,quit it..! That’s so dirty..!” Tadashi whined,trying to pull his hand away. He was completely flustered,and Kei loved being the cause of it. 

“You’re so fucking cute..” Kei said without thinking,his own face exploding into color when he realized what he’d said. The two just stared at each-other in dumbfounded shock before they both began to laugh,Tadashi covering his mouth like always. 

“Wha.. What does that even mean,Tsukki..? What,do you like me?” Tadashi asked teasingly. “I got a bit hurt,so now you’re worried?” He grinned at him cheekily,his eyes widening when Kei nodded. 

“Yeah,I do.. Got a problem with it? I like you,so I’m gonna keep flirting with you,and you’re not allowed to complain.” Kei told him,smirking slightly at how flustered and panicked Tadashi looked now. 

It took a month after they first began dating for Tadashi and Kei to have their first proper fight.

After leaving the apartment for a few days so he could help Hinata and Kageyama,Tadashi was shocked to find Tetsurō curled up in his bed,with Kei fast asleep beside him. The two were snuggled close,Tetsurō having his arms wrapped around Kei’s waist and his face buried in his hair as they slept. Instead of getting upset and screaming,Tadashi just turned around and walked straight out of the room in silence. 

When Kei woke up to the smell of strawberries,he was confused. Slipping out of bed and heading to the kitchen,he found himself freezing mid-step when he saw Tadashi icing a cake. 

“Yamaguchi..? When did you get back..?” Kei asked awkwardly,scratching his cheek as he stared at his boyfriend. He was panicking on the inside,but he looked completely calm on the outside.

“Just a while ago.” Tadashi said calmly,before looking over at him. “Now let’s have a nice little chat,hm? You have a hell of a lot of explaining to do,Tsukishima.” He added,smiling menacingly. Kei’s blood ran cold as he stared at the boy,knowing he was fucked. 

“Well.. Last night I bumped into Tetsurō-san and we went for drinks,and then we came back and I guess we fell asleep together..” Kei said,not looking at him. 

“And you thought it was appropriate to go drinking with someone who broke your heart? And to then bring said person back to the apartment you share with your boyfriend? And to bring them into the bed you share with your boyfriend?” Tadashi asked,staring at him seriously. “Do you genuinely think I’ll be fine with anything you do just because I’m always chasing after you,Tsukishima?” 

“Yamaguchi,don’t pull this.. Listen,I fucked up,but it’s not like I slept with him. We’re just friends now.” Kei said,sighing a bit. “You know that I don’t think that way. We’ve known each-other for years,and I’ve never once seen you act like this.” 

“Well it’s not like I’ve dated anyone besides you,so of course I’ve never acted like this! Bringing another man into our bed isn’t appropriate,even if you’re ’just friends’ with him! You were in love with him!” Tadashi snapped,his voice getting progressively louder. 

“Can you please just calm down?! Fuck’s sake,Yamaguchi,I’m in love with you,not Tetsurō-san!” Kei shouted,starting to lose his temper. He looked over when the door to the bedroom opened once again,staring at Tetsurō. 

“Ah,Tadashi-chan,good morning. Sorry that I borrowed your boyfriend last night,but I needed a bit of a pick-me-up and ended up drinking too much.” Tetsurō said upon realizing Kei needed assistance to get out of this. 

“You’re sorry you borrowed him?! Are you fucking serious?! You were literally sleeping with him and holding him like he was yours!” Tadashi snapped,grabbing the boy by the collar angrily. Kei grabbed his arm,gripping it tightly. 

“Yamaguchi,that’s enough! I’m not doing this shit with you anymore! Just hear us out!” Kei shouted.

“Four-Eyes,let go of him. It’s my fault this happened,Tadashi-chan,not Kei-kun’s fault.” Tetsurō said,putting his own hand over the one gripping his shirt. “Listen,Kenma and I got into a bit of a fight so I left and I bumped into Kei-kun. He didn’t even want to talk to me,but I pestered him into drinking. We both drank a bit too much and he let me crash here,but I guess I passed out or something. We didn’t kiss or fuck or anything,so just relax.” He said,relaxing once Tadashi released him and Kei let go of Tadashi. 

“Then can I ask one more thing..?” Tadashi asked,stepping away. He was fighting back tears,his bottom lip trembling. “Can you please get the fuck out of here,Tetsurō-san?” 

“Of course.. I’m sorry,alright?” Tetsurō said,sighing as he grabbed his jacket and then left. As goofy as he was,he knew he had fucked up. 

“Yamaguchi,I’m sorry.” Kei said,grabbing his hand and squeezing it. He ignored Tadashi’s weak attempts at pulling away,gripping his hand tightly. “Hey,I said I’m sorry.. I won’t do it again,okay..? I was bad,but I didn’t really think you would hate it this much.. You won’t leave me,right?” 

“Please just leave me alone for a while,Tsukki..” Tadashi begged him softly,his voice cracking as he spoke. The freckled boy was trembling,trying his best not to completely break down. He knew what Kei had done,but he couldn’t bring himself to be angry anymore,and that hurt him worse than anything. 

“Of course.. I’ll just go to our room,and we can talk when you’re ready..” Kei said softly,retreating to their room. He collapsed on the bed,sighing as he put his head in his hands. He had fucked up,and he knew it was wrong of him to make Tadashi stay with him,but he couldn’t just let him go. 

It took an hour before Tadashi finally calmed down enough to go to their room,and he entered it silently. Sliding himself into Kei’s lap,he wrapped his arms around him and gripped onto his shirt tightly,sniffling a little still. Kei held him close,before just falling back onto the bed so Tadashi was on top of him. 

“I’m sorry,Yamaguchi.” He said softly. “I didn’t want any of this to happen,but I didn’t think about how it would make you feel,and I’m a piece of shit for that.” 

“I shouldn’t have gotten that angry at you.. I’m sorry.. I’m sorry,Tsukki.. I won’t ever leave you,so please don’t ever do that sort of thing ever again.. I’m sorry,Tsukki..” Tadashi whimpered out,gripping onto him tightly. He buried his freckled face in Kei’s chest,just listening to his heartbeat as he tried to block out all of the bad thoughts that were flooding his head. He didn’t want to think of himself as a spare,but when he shut his eyes he could still see Kei and Tetsurō cuddling,and the possibility of seeing it again terrified him. 

“Shh,I’m sorry.. I’ll never do it again,I promise.. We’re here,we’re together,and that’s all that matters,right?’ Kei asked,rubbing his back as he tried to calm him down. He felt his heart sink when he noticed the bruise that had developed on Tadashi’s arm from when he had grabbed him. “I’m sorry for hurting you..” He said softly. 

“It doesn’t hurt..” Tadashi muttered as he held onto him tightly. 

**_I'd be so lost if you left me alone_ **

Two months after the ‘cheating’ scandal,Kei Tsukishima dumped Tadashi without explanation and left him crying in their apartment. 

‘It’s been nearly two weeks,but I haven’t seen him on campus since that day..’ Kei thought to himself,sighing. The two were always together,so being alone was a foreign feeling for him. Rubbing the back of his neck,he decided he would head over to Tadashi’s house before going to work. 

Nearing the apartment building they once shared,Kei stopped upon seeing Tadashi sitting on a bench. The boy was talking to a man he had never seen before,which made Kei’s blood boil. He watched them silently,glad he hadn’t been spotted. 

“How are you really doing,Tadashi-chan?” The boy asked,his black hair tucked behind his ear. 

“I told you that I’m fine,Seiki-kun..” Tadashi said,not looking at the man. 

“I’m not stupid,Tadashi-chan. I know when you lie because you can’t look me in the eyes when you do it,and I know you haven’t been taking care of yourself the last few days.” ‘Seiki’ told him. “And you did something bad again,didn’t you? How long had it been since an ‘episode’ of yours?” He asked. Kei watched in shocked silence as the boy grabbed Tadashi’s hands,and watched in utter shock as he saw the boy pull up Tadashi’s sleeves to reveal bloodied bandages. He covered his mouth to keep himself from making a noise that could draw attention. 

Kei Tsukishima wasn’t a dumbass. He had always known of Tadashi’s depression,but he had never really tried to force the boy into talking about it. Had he known it would have gotten this bad,though,he would have done anything he could to help him. 

“They’re not bad,and they’re not even deep..” Tadashi said as he pulled his hand free,standing up. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore,Seiki-kun..” 

“It doesn’t matter whether they’re deep or not,Tadashi-chan! You’re doing it again,aren’t you? Blaming yourself for something you can’t change is stupid,Tadashi-chan! Those sorts of scars never just ‘disappear’,and you know that!” Seiki snapped,grabbing his hand once again. “Listen,there’s a meeting on-campus tomorrow,so you should come.. I won’t force you into it,but please at least tell someone about it before you hurt yourself too much..” He pleaded in a gentler tone. 

“I just need to feel _something,_ Seiki-kun! I can’t stand this numb feeling.. I just.. I feel so empty and I just black out and I don’t even realize what I’m doing until afterwards and.. Just,FUCK!” Tadashi rambled,running a hand through his hair. It was tied back messily,the freckled boy just trying to calm himself down. “I’ll show up tomorrow,okay? I just can’t do this right now..” He said,jerking his other hand away from Seiki and walking away. 

“Tadashi-chan,just take care of yourself..! Please..” Seiki pleaded,deciding not to chase after him. 

For the first time in a long time,Kei Tsukishima didn’t know what the hell to do. 

**_You locked yourself in the bathroom;_ **

After a sleepless night,Kei Tsukishima went to school tiredly. The walk there was lonely,the boy painfully aware of how Tadashi wasn’t behind him or beside him like he used to be. They had spent the majority of their lives together,and yet he had thrown it away like garbage. He truly hated himself for what he’d done,but he’d decided to talk to Tadashi today. 

Kei Tsukishima was anxious when he realized that Tadashi wasn’t at school again,though the boy endured until lunch. He suddenly had a sinking feeling in his stomach out of nowhere,and he panicked. Standing and rushing away from the table full of his teammates,he took off towards Tadashi’s house,his heart racing. He barely avoided getting hit by a car,though his pace didn’t slow until he was halfway there. He stopped for a second,panting and clutching his stomach. He had decent endurance,but he was a volleyball player,not a long-distance runner. Once he had caught his breath enough,he began to run again,praying that Tadashi would be completely fine. 

Upon his arrival to the apartment,Kei ruffled through his pockets,pulling out his keychain. He had kept his key to the apartment in case he realized he’d forgotten something,and he thanked his lucky stars that he had. With trembling hands,he unlocked the door,taking a few deep breaths as he braced himself. 

“Yamaguchi..! Oi,Yamaguchi! You’re here,right?” He called into the dark apartment. He flipped the lights on as he walked through,examining the mess. The apartment was a wreck,with a pizza box on the ground in the living room and a few beer cans scattered around it. It disgusted him to see,mainly because he knew that Tadashi didn’t even like alcohol.

Making his way towards the bedroom,he opened the door,flipping the light on and looking around. There was an empty first-aid kit on the ground,band-aids and wrappings strewn about near the kit and on the bed. There was blood on the sheets,a broken glass on the floor,and clothing strewn about the room. Realizing Tadashi wasn’t there,he turned and flicked the light back off. 

“Yamaguchi,if you’re hiding,then stop.” Kei said as he headed towards the bathroom,putting his hand on the knob and trying to turn it. He mentally cursed when he realized it was locked,deciding that he couldn’t leave unless he knew for sure that Tadashi was okay. “Yamaguchi,I’m going to break down the door if you don’t answer.” He warned. 

**_Lying on the floor when I break through_ **

After hearing no answer for nearly five minutes,Kei threw his shoulder against the door,wincing a bit when he just bounced back. Stumbling back a little,he steadied himself and then launched himself at the door again,slamming his shoulder against it once again. After repeating the process for a few minutes and realizing that it wasn’t working well,he decided to do the only other thing he could think of and kick the door in like he’d seen in movies. He doubted it would work,but after only two kicks right near the knob,he was shocked to see the door nearly come off its hinges. The sight inside the bathroom made his heart freeze. 

Tadashi was curled up on the ground,blood leaking out of his wrists. There was an empty pill bottle on the counter,and a bloodied knife was beside the freckled boy,his eyes barely open. Kei panicked immediately,rushing over to his side. He’d expected many things,but not this. His mind was racing,but it was also empty. 

_“Tsukki,let’s go to the movies!” Little Tadashi demanded one day,his chubby,freckled cheeks puffed out as he pouted. “We can watch a dinosaur movie if you wanna,I just wanna hang out!”_

_“Tsukkiii! I got you a present!” Middle-school Tadashi called out happily,holding the box out. “Happy birthday,Tsukki!” He told him with a huge grin on his face. Inside the box was an expensive pair of headphones that Kei treasured._

_“Tsukki,you’re so cool!” Highschool Tadashi said as they walked home together,smiling at him. “You’re the best,Tsukki!”_

_“Tsukki,I got in! We can go to the same college!” Tadashi had told him earlier this year,a smile on his face. “We should live together,don’t you think?”_

**_I pull you in to feel your heartbeat_ **

“Think,Kei.. Fuck,think! Now isn’t the time to fall apart!” He muttered to himself as he panicked. “First thing you do when you find someone injured is check their pulse..” He said,pulling the boy close and putting his ear to his chest. He didn’t care about the blood seeping into his clothes,his eyes filling with tears of relief as he heard Tadashi’s heartbeat. He grabbed his phone and called the police,trembling as he did so. 

**_Can you hear me screaming "Please don't leave me!"_ **

“I need an ambulance,please! Please,tell them to hurry,it’s an emergency! He’ll die! He’ll die at this rate,please!” Kei begged the operator,his voice choking up. The woman was trying to get him to calm down and think clearly,but his mind was racing too much for him to even register her words. He looked down at the boy when he heard him cough,his eyes widening when he saw his eyes starting to close. 

“No,no,no! Yamaguchi,keep your eyes open! Come on,you can’t do this to me! Yamaguchi,please! You promised me you wouldn’t leave me,right? So.. So please,please don’t leave me! Yamaguchi,please! I’m sorry,okay?! I’m an asshole,I’m a scumbag,I’m a piece of shit,but you can’t leave me! Anyone else can disappear,but not you! Not like this! Please,Yamaguchi! Please don’t leave me!” 

**_Hold on, I still want you_ **

The ambulance took ten minutes to arrive and collect the boys,Kei now completely silent. He was in shock,his clothing soaked in blood as well. He watched as they tried to stop the bleeding,before putting his face in his hands as he trembled even harder. 

‘Please.. I’m begging you,whoever is out there.. Whoever could save him,please.. Please let Yamaguchi live.. I’ll spend my whole life trying to repent for my mistakes,so please.. I’ll never leave him,and I’ll never steal his fries ever again.. I’ll give him the whole world,just keep him alive,please..!’ 

**_Come back, I still need you_ **

“We’re losing him!” One of the paramedics said,Kei’s heart racing as he watched them work. 

“Yama.. Yamaguchi,please..” Kei pleaded,trembling as he stared at the boy. “Please,I need you to be here.. You’re my everything,you know that? I love you so much..” 

**_Let me take your hand, I'll make it right_ **

“Sugawara-san,please come to the hospital..” Kei pleaded into the phone. 

“Tsukishima-kun? What’s going on?” Kōshi asked,a bit confused. 

“It’s Yama.. They said I should call some people just in case..” Kei whimpered out,gripping the phone tighter. “Please,I just.. I need you to be here.” 

“I’m on my way.” Kōshi told him. “I’ll be there soon.” He promised. Kei hung up after that,calling Daichi next. 

Half an hour later,Kōshi arrived with Tōru in tow,Kōshi hugging Kei immediately upon seeing him and rubbing his back to try and soothe him. 

“What happened,Tsukishima-kun?” Kōshi asked softly once the other was no longer sobbing so badly. 

“I.. I dumped him a couple of weeks ago and then yesterday I overheard this guy talking to him about how he needed to stop hurting himself and I was gonna talk to him about it today but then he didn’t show up and I was gonna wait until after school to visit him but I got this really bad feeling during lunch and I found him and he had taken a bunch of pills and hurt himself and I.. Fuck,what do I do..?” Kei rambled,Kōshi just rubbing his back as he tried to soothe him. 

“You need to clean up.” Tōru said,grabbing Kei’s hand once he finally stepped away from Kōshi. “You look crazy right now,Tsukishima-kun.” He told him,pulling him to the bathroom. Kōshi followed the duo,wetting a paper towel and handing it to Tōru since he was tall enough to reach his face comfortably. 

With Kōshi and Tōru’s help,Kei was soon free of blood besides his bloodied clothing and he was beginning to calm down. When the trio left the bathroom,they found Daichi talking to the receptionist,the man trying to find out where Kei had gone while Hajime stood beside him. Tōru just slung an arm around Kei’s shoulders and steered him back to the waiting room,pushing him down into a seat. He didn’t want the boy to be forced to hear Kōshi tell the others about everything,and he didn’t want to face Hajime. 

“Daichi-san,relax.” Kōshi said as he walked over to the man calmly. “If you freak out then you’ll hurt Tsukishima-kun.” 

“Suga? He called you too,didn’t he?” Daichi asked as he looked at him. “What happened? I’ve never heard him be so emotional before..” 

“Yamaguchi-kun tried to kill himself. I’ve already called Asahi-kun and Kageyama-kun,so those two and Hinata-kun will be here soon.” Kōshi told him,sighing a bit when he saw the look on Hajime’s face. “Tōru’s here as well,but don’t you dare do anything stupid in front of Tsukishima-kun.” He said seriously. Hajime just nodded and disappeared in the direction Kōshi pointed him in,stopping and staring as he watched Tōru hold Kei. The two had never even been kind towards each-other,but Tōru was hugging Kei as if he was his best-friend. 

‘Crappykawa.. No,Tōru has matured.’ Hajime thought as he walked over. 

**_I swear to love you all my life_ **

“You’re all here for Yamaguchi-san,correct? He’s stable now,but he hasn’t woken up yet. We had to pump his stomach in order to save him,but he’s lucky to be alive right now.” The doctor said an hour after they had arrived. 

“So he’s going to be okay..?” Kōshi asked,barely managing to keep Kei seated. 

“Yes sir,but there’s no way all of you can go in his room at once. At most I’ll allow two at a time,but that’s all.” The doctor told them. They all nodded,Kei heading to Tadashi’s room first. 

Seeing Tadashi on an i.v. freaked him out,and seeing how some of the cuts on his arms had stitches made him feel like an even bigger piece of shit. 

One by one,people filed in and out of Tadashi Yamaguchi’s hospital room,but not once did Kei leave his side. Holding his hand the entire time,Kei watched and listened carefully to every action and word the others spoke as they looked at the unconscious boy. 

Kei had already come to a decision,and that was to never leave Tadashi’s side again. He would smother him in love and affection from now on,and he’d never leave him alone. He’d never break his heart,and he’d never let him hate himself ever again. 

“Yamaguchi,I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to hurt you.. I’m so sorry.” Kei said softly once they were finally alone. “I swear I’ll make you happy.. I’ll love you forever.” 

**_Hold on, I still need you_ **

_“Tsukki! Tsukki,what’s going on? How come you’ve got a suitcase?” Tadashi asked,tilting his head to the side like a freckled puppy._

_“I’m not gonna be here after tomorrow,Yamaguchi. I don’t love you anymore.” Kei said,his eyes widening at his own words. “I’ve never actually loved you,ya know that?”_

_“I love you,Tsukki!” Tadashi said,fading into the darkness._

**_A long endless highway, you're silent beside me_ **

_“Tsukki,let’s go out on a date! I wanna see the stars!” Tadashi said excitedly,grabbing Kei’s hand. They were suddenly in the car,Kei staring ahead into the darkness as he drove. It was pitch black,but Kei was more concerned about how quiet Tadashi was beside him._

**_Driving a nightmare I can't escape from_ **

_“Tadashi,what makes you happy?” Kei found himself asking as he looked over at his lover._

_“Are you stupid..? I’m happy with you,Tsukki!” Tadashi said,reaching out to grab his hand. The second he touched the boy disappeared,leaving Kei alone._

**_Helplessly praying, the light isn't fading_ **

_“Kei,I love you.” Tadashi said softly as he kissed his lover’s head. “You are so loved.. But it’s time to wake up,Kei.”_

_“Tadashi,close the curtains..!” Kei whined as he rolled over to the other side of the bed only to fall._

**_Hiding the shock and the chill in my bones_ **

_“Kei,what’s wrong? You look scared..” Tadashi asked softly as Kei woke up,putting a hand out to touch his forehead. “You’re burning up..”_

_“You’re ice cold,Tadashi.. Are you even alive?” Kei asked,staring at him._

**_They took you away on a table_ **

_“I can’t find Tadashi anywhere,have you seen him?” Kei asked Kōshi,who pointed towards a man in a gown. Each step he took towards the doctor was another two steps the doctor took,wheeling a table away with a paling Tadashi laying on it._

**_I pace back and forth as you lay still_ **

_“A young man was found bleeding out in his house today and has been taken to the hospital for treatment. He’s in critical condition.” The reporter on t.v. said,smiling brightly as he spoke._

**_They pull you in to feel your heartbeat…_ **

_“Tadashi Yamaguchi,death at approximately 7:24 p.m.” The doctor announced. “Cause of death- suicide.”_

**_Can you hear me screaming, "Please don't leave me!"_ **

_“Tadashi.. Tadashi,no! Please! Please don’t leave me!” Kei screamed out into the darkness._

“Tsukki..? Tsukki,wake up..” A soft voice called. Tadashi had just woken up to the whimpers of the other,gently putting his hand on his head to try and soothe him despite the pain that shot through his arm from moving. Kei began to wake up,his eyes fluttering open. He slowly sat up,feeling the hand move away from his head as he did so,and stared at Tadashi in silence for a minute. 

“Your eyes are open again..” Kei said softly,a few tears rolling down his cheeks as he looked at him. “You’re alive,right..? This isn’t some sort of sick nightmare,right?” He asked softly. 

“I’m sorry,Tsukki..” Tadashi said softly,giving him a weak smile. “I’m sorry for making you so scared..” 

“Don’t bother apologizing,you idiot..” Kei said softly,sliding onto the bed and wrapping his arms around the boy carefully. “I have a lot that I need to tell you,Yamaguchi.. And a lot to try and repent for.” 

“Repent..? There’s nothing you need to make up for,Tsukki.. I was the one who messed everything up..” Tadashi said softly. 

**_Hold on, I still want you_ **

“Tadashi Yamaguchi,I have loved you for so fucking long it’s ridiculous.” Kei said,forcing the words out despite his embarrassment. “You mean the world to me,and I’m a fucking idiot for letting you feel this way.. I know that you don’t think it’s my fault,and I know that you’ll never blame me for anything I’ve done to you,but please just listen to me for now.”

For once,Tadashi Yamaguchi was left utterly speechless. Unsure of what else to do,he just nodded. 

“How do I put this? Well,um.. Fuck it,this is going to be really messy and I’m going to sound like an idiot,but that’s okay.. You’ll never really understand this,but I don’t think I really ‘loved’ Tetsurō-san. I know I admired him,though,and I probably misinterpreted that feeling of admiration into love,but the only one I could actually see myself with is you.. From that first day you began to chase after me,I’ve been running ahead,expecting you to follow close behind,but I ignored you when you stumbled,and that’s my fault.. I’m a selfish asshole who likes to ignore the feelings of everyone around him,and you’re the only person I could never live without,so seeing you hurt like this.. Seeing you curled up on the bathroom floor like that,and seeing you in pain at all.. All of it scares me more than anything,Tadashi.. I’m sorry for always telling you to shut up,and I’m sorry for abandoning you again.. The team started to realize that we were together,and they’re all homophobic,so I was scared and broke up with you because I didn’t want anything to happen,but I don’t give a shit anymore.. To me,you’re all that matters.. You mean so much to everyone,and seeing you hurt made everyone else hurt.. The others even went to the apartment and cleaned everything up,you know? They said it was a mess,but that it was all they could do to help us out.” Kei rambled,pressing his forehead to Tadashi’s and staring into his eyes. “I love you so much it hurts,you know?” He asked,chuckling when the other broke down into tears. 

“Tsu.. Tsukki,I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry..” Tadashi whimpered out,leaning into him. His arms hurt horribly,but he still gripped onto Kei’s shirt until the other pushed his arms back down onto his lap. 

“Will you take me back,Tadashi? I promise I’ll never leave you again,and I promise I’ll protect you..” Kei asked softly,looking down at him. He was caught off-guard when Tadashi leaned up and kissed him,his cheeks turning a light shade of pink from the contact. 

**_Come back, I still need you_ **

A month after Tadashi’s hospitalization,the couple found themselves to be closer than ever in both a physical and spiritual way. They were utterly helpless if they weren’t together. 

“Tsukki,I’m gonna be late coming home tonight. I’m going to study with Matsuhiro-senpai in the library.” Tadashi spoke into the phone,Kei just nodding before realizing Tadashi couldn’t tell. 

“Ah,then be careful walking home. I’ll cook dinner,so don’t stay out too late,’kay?” Kei asked. 

“Of course,Tsukki! I’ll see you later,okay? Love you,bye-bye!” Tadashi said cheerfully,waiting to hear the ‘I love you too’ before hanging up. 

Kei Tsukishima was quite annoyed now. With his boyfriend studying with another guy,he himself would be alone for the majority of the afternoon. Sighing and heading towards their apartment building,he decided that he would make Tadashi’s favorites in order to entice him into coming home early. He didn’t want his boyfriend to be with some guy unless he was there as well. 

Two hours later,Tadashi Yamaguchi was practically sprinting through the door in excitement. After Kei had called to tell him what he’d cooked for dinner,the boy had left his study session early and ran all the way home. Kei was sitting on the couch,his face buried in a book to hide his smirk. 

**_Let me take your hand, I'll make it right_ **

“Tsukki,let’s go on a date!” Tadashi demanded one day,making Kei stop and look at him in surprise. 

“What kind of date could you possibly want to go on?” Kei asked,raising an eyebrow. 

“I wanna go to the aquarium! It’s been forever since we last went!” Tadashi said,doing his best puppy eyes. Kei’s cheeks tinted a bit pink at the sight,the blond looking away to try and gather his thoughts. 

“Fine,but you have to promise that you won’t buy a giant stuffed animal this time..” Kei muttered,clearing his throats. “You always buy one when we go out somewhere,and last time you decided to buy a giant shark stuffed animal and you wouldn’t stop snuggling it.” 

“Were you jealous,Tsukki?” Tadashi asked as he leaned close,grinning at him cheekily. “I love you more than I could ever love a stuffed animal!” He said,watching as his boyfriend’s face exploded into a light shade of pink. 

“Yeah,yeah.. Shut up,Tadashi..” Kei muttered,pushing his face away as his blush deepened. 

“Sorry,Tsukki.” Tadashi said,giggling as he kept walking. 

**_I swear to love you all my life_ **

“Tsukki,look! Look at the fish!” Tadashi said excitedly as he stared into the aquarium excitedly. He looked like a puppy,which made Kei think he was rather adorable. 

“I’m looking,Tadashi.” Kei said,chuckling a bit as he followed his boyfriend. He was hardly looking at the fish,thinking that seeing Tadashi was the best view he could ever have. 

“No you’re not! Tsukki,look! They have crabs and all sorts of rays and everything!” Tadashi whined,pointing at the animals excitedly as he began to list them. Kei just listened,casting glances at the aquarium as he walked. 

“We’ve been here for nearly four hours,Tadashi.. Don’t you think we should just go to the giftshop and leave?” Kei asked,raising an eyebrow as he grabbed his boyfriend’s hand. Tadashi puffed out his cheeks and pouted as he looked over at the blond,his eyes widening when he was suddenly pinned to the glass. “Stop pouting,Tadashi,or I’ll make you stop.” Kei purred out with a smirk,knowing exactly how to fluster his boyfriend. 

“Tsukkiii! You can’t just do this out of nowhere!’ Tadashi whined,his cheeks stained bright red now. “Let gooo! I’ll die if someone sees this! It’s so embarrassing!” 

“You’re too cute when you’re flustered,so I can’t. It’s your fault,really.” Kei said,chuckling a bit as he laid his forehead on Tadashi’s shoulder. “I’ll buy you anything you want from the gift shop,but you have to kiss me.” He told him,smirking and winking as he stepped back. Tadashi’s face was a deep shade of red as he stared up at the blond,puffing out his cheeks a little. 

“You’re so mean,Tsukki..” He muttered,Kei just grabbing his hand and leading him towards the gift shop slowly. 

“We’re around ten minutes away from the gift shop,so you’d better hurry.” The blond said,smirking as he walked with him. 

**_Hold on, I still need you_ **

“Tsukki,there are people around,I can’t do it right now..” Tadashi whined softly as they passed the shark exhibit,Kei smirking as he looked down at him. 

“We’ve done worse than just kissing in front of others,so what’s the problem? You didn’t care when we went drinking with the others the other day.” Kei said,watching as Tadashi’s blush darkened. 

**_I don't wanna let go_ **

“Tsukki,I can’t do it here eitherrr! This isn’t fairrr!” Tadashi pouted,looking up at him. “And let go,people are staring at us..” 

“Let them stare,I’m never letting go of you. If they have something to say,then let them say it.” Kei said,casting a glance at the stingray exhibit. “Hurry up and do it,we’re nearly there.” 

**_I know I'm not that strong_ **

“Tsukki,please.. This is killing me..” Tadashi whined,looking up at him cutely. “Pretty please? I’ll do anything you want later,but not right now…” 

“If you’ll do anything I want later,I’ll take you to a crowded place and make you kiss me there.” Kei smirked,making Tadashi’s cheeks darken. They were too close to the gift shop,so Kei had already accepted the fact that Tadashi wouldn’t kiss him. 

**_I just wanna hear you_ **

“Tsukki,look at me.” Tadashi said as they finally made it to the gift shop. The tall blond turned to look at him,his eyes widening when his boyfriend pulled him down and kissed him deeply. Pulling away after a few seconds,the shorter boy winked and smirked despite the blush on his own cheeks. “You promised to buy me anything,right? They have a limited edition seal stuffed animal on sale,so I want it.” 

“Yes,of course..” Kei said,his face a bright pink as he headed into the gift shop with his boyfriend. 

**_Saying, "Baby, let's go home."_ **

“Tsukki,thanks for the new plush! Do you wanna stop and get food,or should we cook when we get home?” Tadashi asked smugly as he held the stuffed seal,looking up at his boyfriend. 

“Baby,let’s go home.. I don’t think I can handle anymore teasing.” Kei said,making Tadashi’s own face go bright red. 

**_"Let's go home"_ **

“Let’s go home,then,Tsukki…” Tadashi muttered,gripping Kei’s hand tightly as they left the aquarium. 

“I’m punishing you for being such a cutie once we get home.” Kei warned him,chuckling at the blush the other had. 

**_Yeah, I just wanna take you home_ **

“Tsukki! Talking about perverted stuff when we’re in public is so embarrassing!” Tadashi whined quietly,Kei just laughing. 

“Who said it was perverted? Yeah,I just wanna take you home and make you cook for me.” Kei said,flicking his forehead. “You’re the pervert for assuming things.” 

**_Hold on, I still want you_ **

“Tsukki,that’s so mean! What,you don’t want me if I’m a pervert when you said it in a perverted way?!” Tadashi asked,puffing out his cheeks as he pulled his hand away childishly. 

“Hold on,I still want you and you know it,so don’t pout. I love you more than anything,you moron,so don’t you ever question that.” Kei said,reaching out to grab his hand. 

**_Come back, I still need you_ **

“Then come catch me,Tsukki!” Tadashi said,laughing as he ran away from his boyfriend. “I’ll cook dinner tonight if you can!” 

“Oi,come back! I still need you so I can get home! I’m bad with directions and you know it!” Kei said with a chuckle,chasing him happily.


	4. Lamentations of the Ace

(This chapter is the first-possibly the last depending on whether or not I come up with something else for them- installment to Bokuto and Akaashi’s story! The song is ‘Honeybee’ by ‘The Head and the Heart’. Sorry for the wait on this chapter,but I ended up writing much more than usual for this one!) 

**_Honeybee_ **

When Kōtarō was younger,he never really understood why some people seemed so ‘bored’ with everything around them. Indifference wasn’t something he could comprehend,nor could he accept it. He couldn’t stand people who half-assed life,and he could never understand people who half-assed volleyball. 

When Keiji was younger,he never really understood why some people seemed so ‘enamored’ with everything around them. Happiness wasn’t something that came easy to him,nor did he want it to. He couldn’t stand people who were overly energetic,and he could never understand people who lived solely for volleyball. 

But after Kōtarō met Keiji,he began to understand that the people he had spent his whole life looking down on for being ‘bored’ were living their lives to the best of their abilities. After meeting Keiji,Kōtarō began to understand that everyone sees things differently,and that those ‘cold’ people were just as wonderful as he himself was. 

And after Keiji met Kōtarō,he began to understand that the people he had spent his whole life insulting were living their lives for a purpose. After meeting Kōtarō,Keiji began to understand that everyone was different,and that those ‘overconfident’ people were just as sensitive as he himself was. 

“Akaashiiii! What kind of insect do you think I’d be?” Kōtarō called out in the middle of practice one day,making Keiji stop his serves and look at him. 

“What are you talking about,Bokuto?” Keiji asked,raising an eyebrow. “Why do you need to know what kind of bug you’d be?” 

“Well.. It’s for this thing in my art class,you know? It’s something awesome! Just tell me!” Kōtarō whined,making Keiji just sigh. 

“You’d be a honeybee,Bokuto. You’re gentle and kind,but you can take your opponents down if you want to.” The setter told him. 

“Then Akaashi would be a dragonfly,right?” Akinori asked Kōtarō since he’d listened into the conversation. 

“Of course not! Akaashi is a firefly,’cause he lights up my whole world and makes the shadows disappear!” Kōtarō grinned,laughing when he saw the tiny blush on Keiji’s cheeks. “I think I’ll be in top form today,so toss to me,Akaashi!”

**_Could you imagine where our lives would lead?_ **

“Bokuto,there’s a girl watching you over in the third row.” Keiji told the ace,who just looked over and smirked. Since he was only a first-year,Keiji was still new to the ‘babysitting Bokuto’ club. 

“I just need you to be watching me,Akaashi. Get the ball to me and watch.” Kōtarō said,satisfied with the tiny blush that appeared on the setter’s cheeks. The two snapped back into focusing on the ball,which made its way to Keiji after a long rally. Tossing it up,the setter watched as Kōtarō spiked it down,his eyes lighting up. His own hands stung at how intense it was,the boy just stopping and staring at his hands in shock. “You just had your ‘moment’,didn’t you?” 

“My.. moment?” Keiji asked,looking at the taller boy in confusion. 

“The moment you get hooked on volleyball. You just had yours,didn’t you?” Kōtarō asked,grinning at him. “Right now,you want to set another ball and watch me spike it,right? Watch me destroy our opponents?” He asked,throwing his head back and laughing when Keiji nodded. “Then let’s do it again!” 

“Of course,Bokuto.” Keiji said,his lips curling up a tiny bit into a smile. “So let’s hurry up and win,Bokuto.” He added,giving the ace an eager and ‘bloodthirsty’ look in his eyes. 

**_That silly ring, it wasn't meant to be_ **

“Bokuto,spike straight through their middle blocker!” Haruki shouted as he hit the ball back into the air after it was spiked into him. 

“You don’t have to tell me twice! You ready,Akaashi?!” Kōtarō shouted as he watched the ball in the air. Keiji nodded silently,jumping as he set the ball. Kōtarō swung his arm down,his eyes widening when he hit the ball out of bounds. 

“Here it comes..” Yamato said,sighing a little. 

“It’s going to be Bokuto’s first tantrum of the day,isn’t it? Think Akaashi can pull him out of it?” Shūichi asked curiously,the others nodding. 

“Dammit! Akaashiiii,don’t toss to me for a while!” Kōtarō shouted,Keiji just nodding. 

“As you wish,Bokuto.” The setter said,making the others cover their mouths to stop themselves from laughing. 

“Whaa…?! Akaashhhiiiiiii! That’s so meannn!” Kōtarō whined,waving his arms childishly. 

“Akaashi,why not just tell him he’s cool? That always picks him up.” Yamato asked,tilting his head to the side. 

“Our senpais told me not to feed into his ego too much.” Keiji told him calmly,his attention returning to the game completely. 

It took only losing four points to the other side for Kōtarō to snap out of his ‘emo mode’,Keiji visibly relaxing at the sight of the ace’s grin. He set the ball to him once the other called for one,watching as he blasted through the middle blocker. 

**_Luckily you saw in me_ **

“I’m Akaashi Keiji,it’s nice to meet you.” Keiji said,bowing slightly as he held his application out to Yutarō,who was the captain of Fukurōdani during his first year. 

“Ah,it’s nice to meet you,but you’ll probably want to meet Bokuto before you officially join.” Yutarō warned,Keiji shaking his head. 

“I’ve already seen him in action. He’s a star.” Keiji said,making Yutarō smirk and laugh at his words. 

“Then just be the moon,then. Fukurōdani runs best when the star is surrounded by other stars.” Yutarō told him confidently,smirking. 

Shortly after joining,Keiji was made into Kōtarō’s babysitter,as well as his ‘favored setter’. Playing with Kōtarō made his heart race and made him want to give it his all,so babysitting him meant nothing to him. 

“Akaashi,your tosses are so easy to spike!” Kōtarō said one day,looking over and grinning. “How come you’re such a cool setter?” 

“I’m not a cool setter,Bokuto.” Keiji said,a bit confused. “You’re the cool one for being such an amazing ace.” 

“Waah,Akaashi!!! That’s so nice!” Kōtarō shouted,throwing an arm around his shoulder and grinning. “You’re the best,Akaashi!” He told him happily,making the smaller boy smile a tiny bit. Kōtarō’s face lit up when he saw his expression,thinking he was absolutely beautiful. 

**_Something I couldn't see_ **

“Akaashiiii! Toss to me some more! I didn’t go to your classroom and lie to the teacher about needing you during classes,so I deserve a reward!” Kōtarō whined as he held the ball up. They had trained during lunch,but the energetic second-year was desperate to spend more time with his beloved setter. 

“Bokuto,I don’t think you earn a reward by following school rules. I got into big trouble the day you told Mr.Fukinaga that I had to go to the gym during classes.” Keiji said,sighing a little. 

“But I was good today,right?! I didn’t embarrass you in front of your friends,right?” Kōtarō asked energetically. 

“They aren’t my friends,and since school is officially over for today,I’ll toss to you. In exchange,you have to promise me you’ll keep behaving,okay?” Keiji asked,holding his pinky out. “If you try to drag me out of class again,I’ll definitely stop tossing to you.” 

“Okayyy!” Kōtarō said happily,wrapping his pinky around Keiji’s and grinning. “I promise I’ll be a good boy from now on! I just suddenly thought of you and I couldn’t focus on class anymore so I ended up going to your classroom so I could see you,but when I saw you I wanted to play volleyball so I lied.” He rambled,watching Keiji’s face turn bright pink before grinning. 

**_Honeybee_ **

“Bokuto Kōtarō,if there was one person you could play volleyball with again,who would it be?” An interviewer asked one day during Kōtarō’s second year in college.

“Without a doubt,it’d be my old setter,Akaashi. He might not have seen any of his sets as anything special,but I never get the same satisfaction out of spiking with other setters.” Kōtarō said without hesitation,grinning. 

“What team does he play on now?” The interviewer asked,making Kōtarō shake his head. 

“Akaashi probably doesn’t play on a team anymore,but he was a great setter!” The ace told the woman confidently. “I loved to spike his tosses!” 

“How long did you play with him?” She asked curiously. 

“For two years,back in highschool. He’s a year younger than me,but if we were the same age I would have played with him for all three years. He’s wonderful!” Kōtarō said,grinning at her. “Anything else you’d like to know?”

“What does this mysterious man look like?” She asked. 

“He’s beautiful,inside and out.” Kōtarō told her confidently,giving a thumbs up. “I haven’t seen him since I graduated,but I miss him!” 

“Why don’t you try to get into contact with him?” She asked,scribbling his words into her notepad eagerly. 

“Because we got into a fight when I graduated. I won’t talk about the reason behind it,though.” Kōtarō said,clearing his throat. “Is that all,ma’am?” 

“Oh,yes sir.. Forgive me for taking up your time.” She said,bowing apologetically as Kōtarō walked off. 

‘Nobody needs to know about back then.. I’m sorry for bringing your name up,Akaashi.’ The ace thought with a small frown on his face as he disappeared into his team. 

**_I can't imagine how my life would be_ **

_“Hey,Bokuto..” Keiji called out softly as the two walked home together for the last time. “I,um.. Well,I like you.”_

_“I like you too,Akaashi!” K_ _ōtarō said cheerily. “We’re friends,after all!”_

_“I like you in a different way,Bokuto.” Keiji said,staring at him. Kōtarō froze and looked at him in shock,before clearing his throat._

_“I can’t return those feelings,Akaashi. You know I’m leaving soon.” Kōtarō said,looking away. “Let’s head home,yeah?”_

_“Why?! Why do you act like this? Why always call out for me if you don’t like me,Bokuto?!” Keiji asked,clenching his fists._

_“It’s not like I don’t care about you,it’s just that I’m not gonna be here for you soon. You’re an amazing setter,but I’m no longer your ace,so we both need to grow up. Me acting like a spoiled kid because you’re around won’t help anyone.” Kōtarō said,sighing._

_“You really don’t like me back?” Keiji asked,trying to calm himself down. He was trembling a little,his usually neat hair sticking out messily._

_“No,I don’t. Sorry,Akaashi.” Kōtarō lied,beginning to walk again. “Now let’s go.. I have to pack when I get home.”_

**_If all your gravity did not hit me_ **

“Now let’s get this party started!” Second-year Kōtarō shouted as he unzipped his jacket,throwing it behind him. Keiji caught it,sighing and folding it neatly. 

“Bokuto,don’t you think you should be a bit more mature? You’re stressing poor Akaashi out.” Yutarō asked,chuckling as he watched the duo. 

“Am I really stressing you out,Akaashi?” Kōtarō asked the younger boy worriedly,looking down at him. 

“Of course not,Bokuto. I’ll always support you from behind,so just count on me.” Keiji said calmly,staring up at him. Kōtarō threw his head back as he laughed,picking the boy up by the waist and spinning him. Keiji panicked and struggled,making the rest of their teammates laugh as they watched. 

“Bokuto,take it easy! You’ll make him sick!” Yutarō scolded,Kōtarō just laughing as he fell backwards. He held Keiji close,making sure the other landed on top of him. 

“That was fun,right Akaashi?!” The ace asked excitedly as he looked up at the boy laying on top of him. Instead of replying,the setter bursted into laughter,everyone on their team stopping and staring in shock. 

“Bokuto,don’t do that! Is your head okay?” Keiji asked between giggles as he looked down at the ace. Poor Kōtaro’s face felt like it was on fire,Keiji sliding off of him and holding his hand out to help him up. 

‘Shit,he’s fucking perfect..’ Kōtarō thought,gay panic filling every inch of his being. 

“Akaashi,you can laugh? I’ve never seen you even smile!” Haruki asked,Keiji just nodding. The setter’s expression had returned to the look of indifference he always had,but his eyes had a strange sparkle in them. Haruki’s words were enough to make Kōtarō snap out of it,the male looking away as he forced himself to his feet without Keiji’s help. 

**_Oh, don't you see?_ **

“Hey,draw a mustache on Akaashi’s face next!” Haruki whispered to Yutarō,who was holding a marker. He carefully reached out,his eyes widening when a hand gripped his wrist. 

“You can do what you want to my face,but leave Akaashi out of this.” Kōtarō whispered,his eyes completely serious. 

“When did you wake up..?!” Yutarō asked,his eyes wide as he stared at the ace. 

“Halfway through you two drawing the third volleyball on my face.” Kōtarō said,letting go of his hand and looking at the sleeping boy. They were on the bus,on their way back from a practice match,and the duo had fallen asleep together. Keiji was snuggled into Kōtarō,with the ace’s jacket wrapped around him like a blanket as he slept peacefully. 

“We’ll leave Akaashi alone for now,but we’ll get him later.” Haruki said,grinning at the ace. 

“Try it and I’ll spike a ball straight into your face.” Kōtarō said seriously,giving him a menacing smile. Yutarō and Haruki both flinched away at the sight,returning to their own seats so they wouldn’t induce the ace’s wrath. Everyone on the team loved Keiji,but they also knew that the setter was oblivious to just how scary an angry Kōtarō was. Yutarō himself had only seen it once,and that was when Keiji collapsed during the middle of practice and nearly got hit with a ball. Kōtarō had nearly choked Yutarō for hitting that ball,and nobody dared to push their luck with the setter or the ace after that. 

After nearly an hour,they finally made it back to Fukurōdani’s campus,Kōtarō carefully and gently tapping Keiji’s shoulder. The boy just whined and snuggled closer,making the ace gay panic once again. 

“Oi,Yutarō,take a picture for me.” Kōtarō whispered as he carefully held his phone out. Yutarō did as told with a sigh,thinking Kōtarō looked ridiculous. With four volleyballs and a few words on his face,Kōtarō was grinning as if he was the happiest man on the planet just because Keiji was snuggling him. 

It took another fifteen minutes before Keiji was finally awake,the boy in a bit of a daze as he snuggled even closer to Kōtarō’s side. He snapped awake fully when he realized the bus was no longer moving,looking over at Kōtarō,who was pretending to be asleep. 

“Bokuto,wake up.. We’re back at school.” The setter whispered. Realizing nobody else was on the bus,he slowly leaned over and pressed a kiss to the ace’s cheek,his own cheeks flaming up into a blush. He stood up and snuck off of the bus,his cheeks a dark red now. 

Once Keiji was gone,Kōtarō’s own eyes opened,his cheeks turning bright pink as well. “He’s so fucking cute..!” 

**_Darling, my honeybee_ **

During Kōtarō’s third year,he was accepted into his dream university. When he told Keiji,he was surprised by the pain in the setter’s eyes. 

“What’s wrong,Akaashi? Aren’t you happy for me?” Kōtarō asked,Keiji just nodding. 

“Of course I’m happy,but you’ll be really far away,won’t you?” Keiji asked,looking up at him. 

“Well yeah,but it’s not like we can’t talk on the phone. I’ll stay up all day and all night just to talk to you!” Kōtarō told him happily,grinning cheekily. 

“You can’t do that,Bokuto. You’ll be playing volleyball there,so you should focus on volleyball and not on old friends.” The setter said. 

“Well you’re never going to be some ‘old friend’. Akaashi is just Akaashi,no matter what!” Kōtarō said confidently,grinning at his friend.

“If you’re going somewhere far away,you have to promise me you’ll take care of yourself,Bokuto.” Keiji told him,staring up at him. 

“I might act childish,but I’m not a baby,Akaashi! Just wait and see!” Kōtarō told him,grinning cheekily. “I can take care of myself,so you don’t need to worry about me!” 

“I know.” Keiji said as he turned away. He walked over to the basket full of volleyballs,grabbing one of them. “Want to practice spiking?” 

“Of course!” Kōtarō said happily as he got into position. 

**_But here we are_ **

“Hey,Akaashi! Akaashi,what’s wrong..?” Kōtarō called out to the first-year one day during practice. Keiji was uneven on his feet,wheezing a little as he tried to catch his breath. 

“Everyone,back off and give him some space!” Takeyuki ordered as he walked towards the setter. His eyes widened when the boy collapsed,Yamato catching him and laying him on the ground carefully. Kōtarō was beside them in seconds,Yutarō spiking a ball towards them. He was completely unaware of what had happened,too absorbed in practice to notice. Kōtarō moved himself in front of Keiji protectively,the ball slamming into his back barely a moment later. 

“Yutarō,what the hell man?!” Haruki shouted,Kōtarō standing up and walking over to the captain. The ace seemed to be in a daze,grabbing the shorter man by the collar and yanking him up to his height. 

“If you _ever_ spike a ball that close to Akaashi,whether he’s in top condition or not,I swear I’ll kill you.” The ace snarled out,everyone on the team watching in terror. 

“Oi,Bokuto,that’s going too far!” Haruki said,patting his shoulder. “We should get Akaashi to the nurse’s office for now,so you should carry him there,yeah?” He asked anxiously. Kōtarō let go of the captain and walked over to Keiji,picking him up bridal style. 

“I’m staying with him until he wakes up.” The ace said,the others on the team just nodding. They were all too scared of the ace to say anything,watching as he carried the setter out of the gym. When the door shut behind them,Haruki collapsed onto the ground,letting out the breath he had been holding. The others did the same,even the managers seeming scared. 

“I’ve never seen Bokuto like that before..” Yamato muttered,trembling as he sat on the ground. 

“I understand him getting upset that Akaashi collapsed and nearly got hurt,but that was fucking terrifying..” Haruki said,sighing as he finally caught his breath. 

“Petition to never piss Bokuto off?” Yutarō asked,the others agreeing immediately. 

**_After all the messes and confessions_ **

“Bokuto,please use your umbrella!” Keiji called out. He was still just a first-year,still a noob in taking care of Kōtarō. 

“No way,Akaashi! You’ll have to catch me first!” Kōtarō shouted as he ran around in the rain. Holding his own umbrella,the setter ran after his ace,sighing as he did so. He couldn’t catch him for the longest time,but after nearly half an hour he finally caught him. 

“Bokuto,please dry your hair and use your umbrella. If you catch a cold,things will become troublesome.” Keiji pleaded,Kōtarō just pouting. 

“Fine,but only ‘cause you caught me..” The ace said childishly,starting to dry his hair with a sigh. 

“Akaashi,you already caught him? It took us an hour to catch him last time!” Yutarō said,puffing out his cheeks and sighing. “You’re definitely Bokuto’s newest babysitter!” 

“Huh..?! I don’t need a babysitter!” Kōtarō whined,clearly not amused. 

“I’ll work hard at my duties.” Keiji said,his own uniform soaked. He had dropped his own umbrella halfway through chasing Kōtarō,so he was now freezing from the rain. 

“My place is nearby,so come on.” Kōtarō said as he pulled Keiji close,holding his umbrella with one hand. “I’ll let you borrow some of my clothes while I wash our uniforms.” 

“You don’t need to worry about me,Bokuto.” Keiji said as he grabbed his own umbrella. “I’ll clean my uniform at home.” 

“You live further away,right? You’ll get sick,so just come to my house.” Kōtarō said,puffing out his cheeks. Keiji just sighed and nodded,pressing close to him so they could share the umbrella. Kōtarō made him walk on his other side,not wanting him to walk on the side closer to the street just in case. 

Two hours later,and Kōtarō was woken up by his mother entering his room,in a daze from her laughter until he looked down at the sleeping Keiji next to him. Curled close to Kōtarō,in one of his giant shirts,Keiji looked completely at peace. He was fast asleep,holding onto Kōtarō’s arm as if it was a stuffed animal. 

“Is that Akaashi? What happened?” His mother whispered. 

“He got soaked chasing me in the rain earlier,so I let him borrow some clothes and I guess we fell asleep..” Kōtarō said,holding his phone out to her with his free arm. “Take a picture.” 

“Kō,you have to stop taking pictures of him. Your phone is full of them.” His mother said,taking the phone from him regardless. Kōtarō pretended to sleep as she took the picture,before grinning when she handed the phone back to him. 

“Love you.” He whispered to her. “Now get out before you wake him up.” 

“Of course.” His mother sighed,walking out of the room with a giggle. 

When Keiji woke up half an hour later,he carefully slipped off the bed and went to the bathroom,grabbing his clothes and folding up Kōtarō’s uniform as well. Grabbing his umbrella,he went back into the room and kissed the ace on the cheek before he left the room,his face burning once again. 

Once he was sure Keiji was gone,Kōtarō sat up with a laugh,his own cheeks tinted a slight shade of pink. “Gah,he’s really way too cute..” He whined,pouting a bit. 

**_To the stars_ **

During his third-year of highschool,Kōtarō realized just how close they had become,and it made him really happy. 

“Aghkaashiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!! Let’s go practice!!!” The ace called into the classroom,the second-year students not even looking at the door. It was nearly a daily occurrence for Kōtarō to come seeking Keiji out,so they were all used to his antics. 

“Bokuto,please don’t yell so loudly when people are trying to eat during lunch. And my name is ‘Akaashi’,not whatever you just said.” Keiji sighed as he stood up,putting the lid back on his bento. He had missed breakfast,so missing lunch annoyed him a little. 

“Bokuto,let Akaashi eat! He said he missed breakfast!” One of the other students said,earning a harsh glare from the setter. 

“I’m fine practicing with a star player.” Keiji snapped at the girl,walking over to the doorway. 

“You can eat if you’re hungry,Akaashi. We can just stay after practice this afternoon.” Kōtarō said,frowning. 

“I’m fine,Bokuto. Let’s get going.” Keiji said,grabbing his sleeve and pulling him away from the classroom. The other students didn’t miss the smirk that the ace casted into the room as he followed his setter. 

**_That we never really owned as ours_ **

Late one August night during his second year,Keiji was awoken by a phone call. Sighing and grabbing his phone,he answered it with a sleepy ‘hello’. 

“Akaashi,are you awake?” Kōtarō asked,his voice quiet and full of anxiety. 

“Well I am now.. What’s wrong,Bokuto?” Keiji asked with a sigh,forcing himself upright. 

“I’m outside of your house.. Can you come on a walk with me? You don’t have to come if you don’t wanna,but I wanna see you right now..” The ace whimpered into the phone,making Keiji’s heart jump. 

“I’ll be outside in a minute.” Keiji said softly,hanging up and throwing one of his favorite hoodies on. The hoodie was giant on him,but he didn’t mind because Kōtarō had given it to him. The cat-eared hoodie was something that he had complimented Kōtarō for having,and then the ace had bought him one as well so that they could match. 

Heading out of his room and downstairs,the boy made it out the front door unnoticed. Seeing Kōtarō sitting on his front steps,he sighed and walked over. 

“Where do you want to go?” Keiji asked,putting a hand on his shoulder gently. 

“Ah,it’s a surprise.. I’ll show you.” Kōtarō said,grabbing his hand and leading the way. Keiji followed him in comfortable silence,not caring that it was midnight and the streets were nearly empty. Staring at Kōtarō’s back made him feel safe,and holding his hand made him happy. 

It took half an hour for Kōtarō to stop walking,the boy at the base of a mountain trail. “Will you come with me,Akaashi?” 

“I’ll follow you anywhere,Bokuto.” Keiji said without hesitation,smiling a bit when he saw the grin on the ace’s face. The two walked the trail together,stopping when they made it to the clearing that was halfway up. Looking out at everything,Keiji was amazed at how beautiful it looked. 

“Isn’t this place beautiful,Akaashi? I come here sometimes,and I wanted to show it to you.” Kōtarō said,motioning to everything. 

“What happened,Bokuto?” Keiji asked softly. 

“I decided to apply to my dream school,but it’s really far away from here.. So I wanted to at least show you this place,just in case I get in and I leave.” Kōtarō said,not looking at him as he stared up at the stars. “Please wait for me to return to you,Akaashi.. Please stay right here and wait for me to come back,but don’t come chasing after me.. And if you fall in love,please treat her well.” 

“I don’t want to promise that sort of thing.” Keiji said,gripping his hand. “Because you’re the one I love,so I’ll always try to chase you.” 

“I’m asking you to dispose of that feeling,Akaashi.. I want you to find happiness.” Kōtarō said softly,staring out at everything numbly. 

“You _are_ my happiness!” Keiji snapped,yanking his hand away. “This is cruel,Bokuto!” 

“I know.. I’m an asshole,right?” Kōtarō asked,reaching out and pulling the boy to him by grabbing his collar. Pulling him up,he kissed him sweetly and then pulled away. “I’m sorry.” He said softly,seeing the pained look in the setter’s eyes. Keiji just clenched his fists and ran away,Kōtarō sighing and sitting down on one of the benches silently. 

**_And if our world comes tumbling down_ **

“Keiji,how do I clear this level?” Kenma asked,sighing. The two were roommates,living in the same apartment alongside Kuroo. 

“What do you mean? You just need to dodge more.” Keiji said as he looked over the boy’s shoulder at the game. 

“Thanks.” The pudding-haired setter said as he kept playing. Tetsurō watched them,thinking they were absolutely adorable. He tried to take a picture,both boys looking at him instantly. 

“What do you want a picture for?” Kenma asked,glaring slightly. 

“I just wanted to send a picture to Bokuto!” Tetsurō whined,Kenma absolutely shutting down the idea. 

“Bokuto left us all behind,Kuroo. I don’t want anything to do with him,especially not right now.” Kenma said as he snuggled into Keiji’s side and peeked out at Tetsurō. 

“Akaashiii! Stop snuggling my boyfriend!” Tetsurō complained,scooping Kenma up and carrying him to their room,much to the smaller male’s annoyance. 

“Since you two are about to go at it,I’m going out for a few hours.” Keiji said. 

“We’re not doing anything!” Kenma said,struggling to get away from Tetsurō,who just smirked. 

“See you later,Akaashi.” Tetsurō said as he kicked their bedroom door shut. Keiji just left the apartment,deciding to go shopping for now. Everyone’s worlds had shifted since Kōtarō had left. 

Staring down at his phone,Keiji’s eyes widened as he saw the interview that had been posted. His cheeks turned a tiny shade of pink as he stared down at his screen,just turning his phone off silently after watching the entire interview. 

**_I never could forgive myself for leaving out_ **

During his second year of college,Keiji found himself getting more depressed. While Kenma and Tetsurō were living peacefully,he had nobody that he loved besides Kōtarō,who was still far away. Walking home one day,Keiji stared down at his phone when he felt it buzz,smiling when he saw a text from Haruki asking him when they could all meet up for drinks again. Most of the team had stayed in the area,so they met up pretty often. 

Before he could respond to Yamato’s text,Keiji looked up to hear a loud honk,his eyes widening when he saw a truck flying at him. He gripped his phone,screwing his eyes shut since he knew he didn’t have the time to get out of the way. The truck slammed into him,and his world went black. 

It was Kenma who got the call from the hospital,but it was Tetsurō who called Kōtarō in a panic. When the other didn’t answer,he called him repeatedly. It took an hour of constant calling for Kōtarō to answer the phone since he had just finished a few practice matches against another team. 

“Hey,hey,hey.. What’s up,Kuroo? You’ve called me nearly a hundred times. It’s been a while,man.” Kōtarō said with a chuckle. 

“Bokuto,Akaashi’s hurt! He got hit by a truck and then taken to the hospital and he’s in the E.R. right now but we don’t know what’s going on with him..” Tetsurō rambled,Kōtarō freezing. 

“Akaashi.. You’re telling me Akaashi’s hurt?” Kōtarō asked,his mind racing now. “Take care of him for me until I get there,Kuroo..” 

“Bokuto,don’t be brash,okay..?! I’m sure he’s fine,but don’t do anything stup-” Tetsurō said,Kōtarō hanging up and sprinting out the door. 

“Oi,Bokuto,help clean up!” His captain called out,his eyes widening when he saw the boy run straight out of the gym. He chased him quickly,managing to cut him off. “Oi,where are you going,Bokuto?!” He shouted,putting his arms out so the other couldn’t pass him. 

“Get the _fuck_ out of my way before I kill you.” Kōtarō snarled. “Akaashi got hurt,so I don’t have time to waste on you.” 

“Your old setter? What happened to ‘im?” The man asked,confused. 

“It doesn’t matter,just get out of my way!” Kōtarō shouted,shoving him. He was too pissed off,not wanting to think of anything besides getting to Keiji. 

“Calm down first! Geez,you’re gonna do something you’ll regret at this rate,Bokuto! Calm down,okay? You need to order a plane ticket and pack up first,right? Let me and the others help. If someone important to you is hurt,then we need to be there to support you.” His captain said. Kōtarō just took a few deep breaths,nodding as he tried to calm himself down. 

**_You're the one_ **

It took Kōtarō two days to make it to the hospital,mainly because he was planning on taking time off of the team and because of how long the plane ride was. Tetsurō blocked him from going into Keiji’s room,putting his arm out. 

“We need to talk,Bokuto.” Tetsurō said. “Akaashi got pretty badly injured,and he might not wake up..” 

“He’s going to die..?!” Kōtarō asked,clenching his fists. 

“No,it’s not that.. He’s in a coma,Bokuto,so we don’t know when or if he’ll actually wake up.. I just wanted to let you know ahead of time.” Tetsurō warned,sighing a bit. Kōtarō nodded and walked into the room when Tetsurō moved out of the way,his eyes widening when he felt his cheek start to sting suddenly. He turned his head to look at the one who had slapped him,Kenma glaring up at him like a feral cat. 

“If you _ever_ leave Akaashi again,I’ll fucking kill you.” The small boy spat,stomping over to Tetsurō. “Let’s head home for now. I haven’t showered in two days and I feel like shit.” 

“Yeah.. Let’s go home..” Tetsurō said,honestly terrified of his boyfriend right now. 

Kōtarō turned to look at Keiji,his heart breaking as he stared at the injured boy. Keiji had all sorts of tubes connected to him,stitches on his cheek,and a long trail of stitches down his stomach. His right leg was in a cast,and his left ankle was wrapped up as well. He was pale,but he was breathing. 

**_You are the only one_ **

A week later,Kōtarō was still anxious. He had all but moved in with Tetsurō and Kenma,but he was practically living in the hospital. 

“Bokuto! Are you going to visit Akaashi again?” One of the nurses asked when she saw the boy. 

“Yeah,he’s still just laying there,though,so I brought a new book to read to him today.” Kōtarō said happily,stopping to talk to her. 

“Really? What book is it today?” The nurse asked curiously as she leaned towards him to look. 

“It’s called ‘Yurito and Kamie’s Moonlit Night’. It’s actually a decent book according to Kenma,so I wanted Akaashi to hear it.” Kōtarō told her calmly,holding the book up calmly. 

“So you really think he can hear you?” The woman asked,Kōtarō nodding and laughing. 

“It’s Akaashi.. I know he can always hear me,even if he’s in a hospital bed.” The ace told her confidently. “I’ll see you later,Ms.Yōkiro.” He added before heading to Keiji’s room calmly. A few other nurses greeted him as he passed,the boy waving at them calmly. 

When he made it to Keiji’s room,he flopped down in the chair beside him and smiled. “I’m back,Akaashi. I saw Ms.Yōkiro again today,but she didn’t seem to think you could hear me,so I was a bit annoyed.” Kōtarō told the limp boy. “You’re still as pretty as ever,but Mr.Yue said your stitches will leave scars. Your leg should heal well,but you’ll have to do rehabilitation to build up your strength again,so I’ll have to be your legs for a while.. But instead of focusing on that stuff,how about I start reading..?” He spoke softly,looking at the boy. Cracking the book open,he began to tell the tale of two women who braved the darkness of a storm-swept sea. 

**_Such a fool_ **

Two weeks after Keiji’s hospitalization,after Kōtarō had already left for the night,Keiji began to hear things. 

It began slowly,starting with little faint beeps and the sound of the life support machine he was hooked up to,but soon enough he felt like he could hear everything. Laying in the hospital bed for hours,only hearing a nurse come in to check on him occasionally,he began to hear more. He could hear the drip of his i.v.,the air from the ventilation system,and even the t.v. in the room beside his. 

Keiji was there,but he wasn’t there. He could hear,he could faintly feel,but he couldn’t move. He couldn’t open his eyes,and he couldn’t speak. Laying there was torture,the boy feeling like he was surrounded by darkness. 

Two days after he began to hear things,Keiji realized that Kōtarō’s daily visits made him happy,but they also terrified him. Based on what Kōtarō had said,he’d still be suffering when he woke up. But Kōtarō’s presence helped comfort him,though he did feel horrible about letting the other see him like this,and he could take solace in the fact that the other was by his side. 

**_I took your love and I bent all the rules_ **

Three weeks after Keiji’s hospitalization,Kōtarō was beginning to get angry. 

His captain was telling him that the team needed their ace,and that he’d be kicked if he didn’t return,so he had quit the team. 

Kenma was telling him that going to the hospital everyday was pointless,and that he was probably burdening the nurses,so he was pissed off. 

Tetsurō was trying to get him to at least practice volleyball for a while,but Kōtarō was focusing solely on Keiji’s hospitalization. 

Walking into the hospital,Kōtarō waved at the nurses calmly,seeing the pity in their eyes. Everyone was giving up on Keiji,and it pissed him off more and more everyday. He couldn’t understand why people didn’t believe him when he said that Keiji would wake up. 

Walking into Keiji’s room,Kōtarō was shocked to see Mrs.Akaashi there,the woman talking to the doctor about what the best course of action was. Kōtarō was pissed when he heard the woman mention pulling the plug,but he forced himself not to yell when he heard her express concerns about how to pay the hospital fees. Instead of yelling,Kōtarō promised her that he’d pay all of Keiji’s hospital bills himself,ignoring the anxious look she had. He wouldn’t let Keiji disappear. 

**_You took the blow and didn't let it show_ **

Four weeks after his hospitalization,Keiji could see light,and he was overjoyed. After Kōtarō’s daily stories,and after hearing Kenma’s voice occasionally,he knew he had to wake up soon to thank them. 

He could see himself,eventually,after a lot of focus. Looking down at his ‘hands’,he was disgusted to see just a shadow. He wasn’t ‘him’,but a shadow. The ‘real Keiji’ was right in front of him,but he couldn’t become ‘himself’. He didn’t know why,but he felt like he had to return to ‘himself’ if he wanted to wake up. He needed to make it through the barrier if he wanted to see Kōtarō again. 

**_Stuck around to let me know_ **

“Hey,Akaashi,please hurry up and wake up..” Kōtarō pleaded softly one afternoon,looking down at the boy with tear-filled eyes. He had been brave for too long,and he felt like falling apart now. “It’s been a month,you know? I’m sorry for everything I did wrong.. I’m sorry for leaving you,and I’m sorry for lying to you before I left.. I hope you know that I love you,and that I’m never gonna let you go when you wake up.. I’ll quit volleyball,and I’ll become a man that will make you happy if that’s what it takes.. If giving everything else up would make you wake up,I’d do it..” The ace sniffled,wiping at his eyes. 

Keiji was screaming and cursing at him,but his body wouldn’t move. His eyes wouldn’t open,and his mouth wouldn’t move,but his mind was screaming and calling the ace a ‘moronic,owl-looking,boot-licking piece of shit who refuses to listen to him’. 

**_Built a family of our own_ **

Keiji was slowly recalling things,little by little,but he felt like it wasn’t enough. He dragged his memories to the surface,looking around into the light. There were images of him painted around the ‘room’ of his mind,the boy reaching out and touching the one closest to him. 

_“Bokuto is a star,so I want to be the moon that shines brightly beside him,but I’m not like Kageyama.. I’m just a normal setter.” Keiji told Kenma,making the other setter look at him in confusion._

_“What are you talking about? You’re not a normal setter,Akaashi,because you’re Bokuto’s setter.” The pudding-haired boy said._

_“Anyone could be Bokuto’s setter.. If I didn’t go to school with him,I wouldn’t be his setter.. He and I would be nothing to one another.” Keiji said,looking down at the floor._

_“I feel the same about Kuroo sometimes,you know? I want to watch him keep growing,because the top is where he belongs,but I know he’s got to do it alone.. I’m playing volleyball for him.. Everything is for him,but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it sometimes.. That’s why I want to play a real match against Hinata,you see? I want to say that the time I’ve spent playing volleyball was both for him and myself.” Kenma told the boy,who just nodded._

_“I’ll keep playing for the star and for myself,then..”_

**_Look around_ **

As Keiji went through his memories of the years he’d spent with Kōtarō,another memory caught his eye. Reaching out to touch it,his eyes widened as it began to play. 

_“Akaashiiii! Akaashiiiii! Aghaaashiaiaaiiaia!” Kōtarō shouted,making the setter groan._

_“Bokuto,my name is Akaashi,so please pronounce it correctly.” Keiji said with a sigh,watching the ace just grin._

_“Come to the store with me today! I need your help studying,so I’ll bribe you with a bunch of candy!” Kōtarō demanded,the setter just sighing._

_“Do you even know what kind of candy I enjoy?” Keiji asked curiously._

_“You like lemon-flavored things because you enjoy bitter tastes,which is also why you like that nasty rapeblossom with soy sauce.” Kōtarō told him without hesitation. “If it’s spicy or bitter,you like it.”_

_“How did you know that?” Keiji asked,genuinely surprised._

_“I’ve seen you eat it a few times,and you always look really happy when you get any,so I made a good guess.. I did good,right? Praise me,Akaashi!” Kōtarō said,their teammates laughing at them._

**_We made a garden of the love we found_ **

As Keiji reached out to another memory,he paused and sighed,his eyes widening when he suddenly ‘fell’ into it. He felt like he was really there,felt like he was back to his body. 

_“Hey,Akaashi,let’s go to the zoo.” K_ _ōtarō said one day. “I heard they opened a new exhibit.”_

_“Why would you want to go just for a new exhibit?” Keiji asked,raising an eyebrow as he looked over._

_“Because they have a new rare species of owl that is really cool.. I wanna see it.” Kōtarō said,puffing out his cheeks. “Pretty please?”_

_“This has to be the last time,Bokuto. If I end up bringing home another owl plush,my mother will kill me.” Keiji said,making the ace laugh._

_“Your mother loves me,so all I have to do is tell her I bought it for you and she’ll give up immediately.” Kōtarō grinned. “So we can go,right?”_

_“Of course,but only if you behave the entirety of practice.” Keiji said,sighing a little. Kōtarō did just that,staying upbeat even when he missed a few spikes. Even Keiji was surprised by how well-behaved the ace was,though he was really happy to see it._

_It was nearly 7:30 p.m. when the duo finally arrived at the zoo,Keiji actually rather interested in seeing what the new owl actually looked like. Kōtarō absolutely refused to stray further than five feet from Keiji,staying as close to him as possible without getting in the way of the other guests._

_“Akaashi,look at the butterflies!” The ace said energetically as they walked through the butterfly garden. Keiji just let out a ‘hm’ and looked around him,his eyes widening when one landed on his nose. Kōtarō took a picture with a laugh,showing it to the setter with a grin. “It spread its wings right when I took the picture,so the wings look like your eyes.” He said,making Keiji chuckle._

_“I guess so,Bokuto.” The setter said,staring at him as he was swarmed by butterflies. As loud and excited as the ace was,animals and bugs all seemed to love him. He flipped his own phone out and snapped a picture when the other wasn’t looking,a gentle smile on his face._

_Eventually,the duo made their way to the new exhibit,Keiji staring at it in amazement. The Northern spotted owl,which had apparently been shipped from America in hopes of entering it into a breeding program the zoo had set up,was just sitting on a branch calmly. Kōtarō was staring at it as well,not even blinking as he did so. Both boys were speechless as they stared at the average-looking owl,completely amazed by every move it made._

_Before they left the zoo that day,Kōtarō had bought him a stuffed animal based off of the owl,and Keiji had walked home while holding it tightly._

**_So many reasons I would fight to stay_ **

Keiji was dragged once again out of the paradise of his memories with Kōtarō,the boy grasping at the darkness desperately. There were no more memories for him to dive into,and he was scared of the darkness surrounding him. 

He could still hear Kōtarō’s stories,so even in the darkness he didn’t feel lost. 

He could still feel Kōtarō’s presence,so even in the darkness he didn’t feel alone.

He could still tell when the lights in his room were on or off,so even in the darkness he knew there was light. 

He could still exist,but he couldn’t wake up,and that terrified him. 

He wanted to see Kōtarō and Kenma and Tetsurō. 

He wanted to go on stupid double-dates and set the ball to Kōtarō again and see all of their old teammates again.

He wanted to tell his parents wholeheartedly that he was in love with Kōtarō,and he wanted to stop sleeping with a stuffed owl being the only thing beside him. 

He wanted to sleep in the same bed as Kōtarō,he wanted to hug him and kiss him and yell at him and laugh with him. 

He wanted so many things,and laying on a hospital bed,unable to open his eyes,was something he didn’t want. 

**_You're the courage when I fade_ **

“Bokuto,you have to return soon. Taking your classes online is fine,but you’re our ace,so just come back until your friend wakes up.. Please,I know you said you were quitting,but you shouldn’t just give up on your dreams that easily..” Kōtarō’s captain,Mikaoki,pleaded. 

“I’m sorry,Mika,but I can’t leave him. I have to be here when he wakes up or else I’ll be betraying him all over again.” Kōtarō sighed. “I’ll return to the team eventually,or I’ll find a new team,but I can’t leave Akaashi.” 

“Bokuto,you can’t just abandon your teammates for your friend.” Mikaoki said,not sure how to convince the other to calm down. 

“I’m sorry,but I’m staying.” Kōtarō said,hanging up and returning to Keiji’s side. Keiji was the only one he needed. 

**_Take a look at what we've made_ **

Keiji was beginning to lose his mind three months after his hospitalization. He couldn’t force himself to wake up,though he had begun ‘returning to his body’. He was no longer just a shadow,as his once shadowy hands now looked normal. He could see his feet,and his arms had slowly ‘grown back’,but he couldn’t move his body yet. 

“The wolf disappeared into a puff of smoke,the wisps of which lingered in front of the man’s nose. Their journey had come to an end,but man and beast would always be friends.” Kōtarō read aloud,looking down at the limp Keiji. “I hope you liked that one,Akaashi! It took forever to get through,but Kenma told me that you would probably like it ‘cause of the characters.. I’ve gotta go now,but I’ll be by tomorrow..” The ace said,his voice getting softer as he spoke. He was beginning to give up hope,though he was trying to remain optimistic. He had heard stories of people ‘sleeping’ for years,but he didn’t want that. Kōtarō wanted to hold Keiji again,and see his beautiful eyes staring back at him. He wanted to hold him and spoil him forever. “I’ll be back tomorrow,but I’ll end up being later than usual.. I have to work a morning shift instead of a night shift ‘cause my manager said I shouldn’t be so picky about shifts when I’m still a relatively new worker..” He told the boy,giving his hand a quick,gentle squeeze before standing up. “See you tomorrow,’kaashi.” He said as he left. 

**_But here we are_ **

Four months into his hospitalization,Keiji was able to feel his fingers,though only barely. He wanted to cry from happiness the first time. 

“Akaashi,I love you.” Kōtarō said one day,squeezing the ‘sleeping’ boy’s hand as he sat beside him. “I’ve been trying to be positive,but it’s getting harder,you know? I’ve already finished the year off online,and I’ve been working hard at the store,but it’s making me anxious.. Seeing you like this is terrifying..” The ace said,his whole body trembling from his sobs. “I can’t.. I can’t take this much longer,Akaashi.. I’m scared..” He whimpered out,gripping onto his hand tightly. He jumped when he felt Keiji’s fingers twitch,staring in shock. His trembling almost completely stopped as he pulled the boy’s hand closer to his face,staring from up-close as he saw his fingers twitch again. A huge,goofy grin broke out on his face,the boy wiping his eyes with his free hand and grabbing his phone to call Tetsurō. 

“What’s up,bro?” Tetsurō asked as he picked up the phone. “Why are you calling when you’re still at the hospital? You don’t leave until they make you,so you’re still there,right?” 

“Akaashi’s hands moved! His fingers moved,Kuroo!” Kōtarō shouted energetically,his eyes sparkling now. 

“Huh? So he’s awake?” Tetsurō asked,a bit confused. “Calm down,bro,what exactly happened?” 

“I was talking to him and his fingers moved but he’s still out of it,but it’s awesome,right?! Him moving is a good sign,right?!” Kōtarō asked excitedly,looking over and apologizing when a nurse scolded him for being so loud. 

“Of course it’s a good sign,but you should relax,alright?” Tetsurō asked,chuckling. “Don’t upset the nurses,dude.” 

“I already apologized,it’s just.. I’m really happy.” Kōtarō said softly,staring at the boy happily. “He’s so cool,being able to move even a little like this..” 

**_After all the messes and confessions_ **

Five months into his hospitalization,Keiji woke up. Exactly 160 days after he was hit by the truck,he finally opened his eyes again. At first,the light was blinding,so he blinked a few times to try and adjust. His head was pounding at the sudden ‘new world’ he saw,trying to force his head up. His muscles ached too much for him to even move,but even being awake at all made him happy. 

When the nurses first saw him awake,they were all excited as well. One of them called Kōtarō immediately,knowing he’d be pissed if they didn’t call him first. 

When Kenma first saw him awake,the pudding-haired boy was so happy he broke into tears. 

When Tetsurō first saw him awake,the messy-haired boy was beyond happy to know he had ‘returned’ to them. 

When Kōtarō first saw him awake,the ace broke into tears and sobbed out his name. Keiji couldn’t move to comfort him,which irritated the hell out of him,but Tetsurō made the ace calm down before he could accidentally hurt the ex-setter by hugging him too hard. 

“Aghasshiiiiiiiiiiii!” Kōtarō wailed,throwing his head back as he cried,Tetsurō the only thing keeping the ace from pouncing on Keiji. He couldn’t quite speak yet,but Keiji did shed a few tears of happiness. 

**_To the scars_ **

It took two days after he woke up for Keiji to be able to speak properly and to sit up on his own,though his arms did hurt like hell because of it. 

“Good morning,Bokuto.” Keiji said as the ace came in. 

“Morning,Akaashi! I brought all sorts of snacks today,and I even brought a new book with me!” Kōtarō told him,radiating excitement. “I could hardly sleep last night!”

“Did you bring the mirror like I asked?” Keiji asked curiously,thanking the male when he set the handheld mirror into his hand. He stared at his reflection,disgusted by the scar on his cheek. 

“Don’t make that face,Akaashi! What’s wrong?” Kōtarō asked,puffing out his cheeks as he stared at him. 

“It’s just really ugly is all..” Keiji muttered,sighing a bit. The boy had always been careful to avoid getting hurt his entire life,mainly because his mother had always told him that people who have scars have a harder time getting married. 

“It’s not ugly at all! If I had a scar on my face,would you call me ugly?” Kōtarō snapped,watching as the boy shook his head. “Of course you wouldn’t,because scars don’t make you ugly,even if they’re on your face.. Scars from your wrists,to your legs,and even to your face,are just there. They just show you’ve lived,right?” He asked,kissing his cheek. Keiji flinched away,making the ace sigh. 

“That line is so cheesy,Bokuto..” Keiji said,looking away. He jumped when he felt the other kiss the scar on his leg,his eyes widening when the man kissed his stomach through the hospital gown where another scar was. The boy kissed the scar on his arm from the glass,and then finally kissed his cheek all over again. 

“You’re beautiful,Akaashi,and it’s not just on the outside.. You’re beautiful because you’re you,ya know? I couldn’t live if you died,so you have to be even more careful from now on,okay? No scar will ever change my opinion of you,and I’ll kick anyone’s ass if they try to bug you.” Kōtarō said happily,grinning at him. “You’re the best,Akaashi.” He said,smirking at the slight blush that appeared on Keiji’s cheeks.

**_That we never really owned as ours_ **

A week after he first woke up,Keiji was beginning physical therapy. It took him a while to work up the energy to even try it,but it hurt like hell. Kōtarō grabbed his legs carefully,gently sliding them off the bed carefully. 

“Let’s just wait until the nurses come,Akaashi.. Trying to do this without them could end badly,right?” The ace asked said worriedly. 

“No way,Bokuto. I want out of this bed immediately,so you had better hold my hands and fucking hold me up.” Keiji hissed,clearly unhappy with the idea of being in the bed for much longer. Kōtarō gripped his arms to help keep him up,sighing as he did so. Keiji immediately fell into his arms,his legs too weak to keep him up. Kōtarō helped him back to his feet properly and chuckled. 

“Are you okay?” The ace asked worriedly,Keiji just nodding. Kōtarō stepped back slightly,still holding Keiji up carefully as the other slowly took a step. 

The two were slowly but surely making slow steps around the room,though they both jumped when the nurses came in to scold them for trying to practice without supervision. Looking at one another,the duo began to laugh at how angry the nurses were. 

**_And if our world comes tumbling down_ **

Two weeks after Keiji woke up,he was slowly making progress on building up his leg muscles again. He was able to make himself sit up without assistance now,but he still relied on Kōtarō and the nurses to help him move around. 

“Akaashiiiiiiii! Listen to this,Kenma called me stupid last night and Kuroo agreed! Isn’t that mean?!” The ace asked him,waving his arms around as he pouted in his seat. 

“Bokuto,you’re actually a little smart,but don't let that get to your head.” Keiji told him,making the ace laugh. 

“Don’t you remember your first year? Everyone said the reason my ego was so big was ‘cause you wouldn’t stop praising me,but now you act like you hate it.” Kōtarō said,making the ex-setter blush. 

“I didn’t praise you that much..” The boy muttered,not looking at him. 

“Akaashi,you literally kept saying I was a star player. Every single time anyone brought me up or I was nearby,you’d always compliment me. You’ve been in love with me for forever!” The ace teased,watching his blush deepen with a chuckle. 

**_I never could forgive myself for leaving out_ **

A month after he had begun physical therapy,Keiji was able to walk around for short bursts,earning permission to leave his room as long as he had someone with him. So,Kōtarō took him to the roof. 

“Isn’t it pretty,Akaashi!? It’s been forever since you’ve gotten any fresh air,right?! The flowers are blooming,and it’s starting to get even warmer out here!” The ace said energetically,Keiji just nodding and looking out at everything in silence. It was nearly sundown,and the reflection of the sun on the glass panes of the buildings was absolutely stunning. 

“When I’m discharged,let’s go to the zoo.” Keiji said suddenly,Kōtarō turning and staring at him in shock. 

Instead of questioning his motives,the ace just nodded and squeezed his hand. “You need to get better first,and then we can go out on as many dates as you wanna.” 

“I went to that place at least once a month,you know? The one on the mountain,I mean.. It really does look beautiful there.” Keiji said softly. 

“I’m sorry for leaving you,Akaashi.” Kōtarō said,gripping his hand even tighter. “I’ll make it up to you,I promise.” 

**_You're the one_ **

Two months after he had woken up,Keiji was officially discharged from the hospital,and Kōtarō was eager to drag him out on all sorts of dates,but they had to go to the apartment first,which annoyed him a little. 

Walking into his apartment,Keiji was shocked to see the entirety of their old team sitting there,everyone greeting him happily. 

“We’ve been waiting on you for what feels like forever,Akaashi!” Haruki said energetically,grinning. 

“It’s been a while,Akaashi!” Wataru greeted him happily,smiling a bit. 

“We’ve all missed you,especially at the bar.” Akinori said,chuckling a bit. 

“Yeah,not hearing you curse at us when we’re all drunk makes drinking less fun.” Tatsuki admitted,holding up a beer can. 

“It was my idea to bring beer and stuff,but we all wanted to greet you.” Yamato added,rubbing the back of his neck with a chuckle. 

“Oh shove it,Yamato! I was the one who said we should bring alcohol!” Shūichi snapped at the other male,the two glaring at one another playfully. 

“It’s about time you came back,Akaashi. We’ve all been waiting on you for months,you know? You should thank Kenma for setting all of this up.. Even if he hates being surrounded by people,this was all his idea.” Tetsurō said. Kenma looked up from the group when he heard his name,smiling a tiny bit. 

“Welcome home,Keiji.” The pudding-haired boy said. Keiji’s eyes welled up with tears,the boy reaching up and wiping them. 

“I’m home.” The ex-setter choked out softly,Kōtarō rubbing his back and grinning cheekily. 

Keiji spent his first night home drinking with old friends,laughing as they told him stories of their adventures over the last seven months. He ended up falling asleep while he was snuggled into Kōtarō’s side,leaving the other stuck there for the entire night. 

**_You are the only one_ **

Two days after his discharge,Keiji was dragged out of the apartment to go on a date. Kōtarō was eager to visit the zoo again so he could see the animals,but he really just wanted to spend time with Keiji and have a reason to spoil them.

“Akaashiiiii!! Hurry up!” The ace whined impatiently,a few steps ahead of the ex-setter. 

“Bokuto,I’m walking as fast as I can.. I told you,my back hurts.” Keiji said,sighing as he tried to quicken his pace. He bumped into Kōtarō when the boy stopped out of nowhere,barely stopping himself from falling over. 

“Then just get on my back,Akaashi! We need to get there early so we can see the animals when they’re first waking up!” Kōtarō demanded. Keiji shut that thought down immediately,but he eventually gave in and latched onto the other’s back. 

“Aren’t I too heavy for you to carry me all the way to the zoo?” The ex-setter asked,his arms wrapped around Kōtarō’s neck. 

“Of course not! You’re light as a feather!” The ace said cheerfully. “Oh,and I decided to get my degree here instead of leaving again,so I’ll be going to the same university as you from now on.” 

“I thought I told you that I’d be fine for the next few years while we both finish up school?” Keiji asked,sighing a little. “You can’t completely abandon your dream school because of me,Bokuto.” 

“I’ve already made up my mind! The second I saw you curled up in the hospital,I knew I needed to stay by you,so I won’t leave you again.. Let’s go out on all sorts of dates and take cheesy pictures.” Kōtarō said,grinning as he carried the boy. They were getting all sorts of stares,but the ace moved with the utmost confidence. Too flustered by his boyfriend’s words,Keiji just hid his face in Kōtarō’s puffy hair. 

That night,Keiji returned to the apartment with a brand new stuffed tiger in his arms,making Kenma rather jealous. 

**_Won't you decide?_ **

“Kenma,we have to get going!” Tetsurō shouted early one morning,making the couple sleeping on the couch groan. Kenma was still just sitting on his bed,Tetsurō eventually going to fetch the boy himself. Keiji woke up on time to wave at the pudding-haired boy,watching as he was dragged out by his boyfriend. Kōtarō was still fast asleep,holding his lover tightly. 

“Bokuto,you have to wake up.. It’s time for the two of us to get started on the day as well.” Keiji said,sighing when his boyfriend didn’t even budge. He knew Kōtarō had been woken up as well,but he didn’t know how to make him wake up. Clearing his throat,he summoned all of his courage,his face bright red as he spoke. “Kōtarō,it’s time to wake up..” He said,his cheeks darkening. Kōtarō sat upright immediately,staring at his boyfriend with wide eyes. 

“What’d you say?” The owl-haired boy asked. 

“I said your name.” Keiji said,not making eye contact with him now. 

“No,no.. You said my first name.. Say it again.” Kōtarō told him,smirking when he tried to deny it. “Akaashi,either say it now or I’ll tickle you to death.” 

“Fine.. K.. Kōtarō..” Keiji muttered out,squeaking when he was suddenly thrown over the shoulders. Kōtarō stood up and carried him to their bedroom,ignoring his struggles. 

“We’re not going anywhere today.” Kōtarō said as he kicked the door shut. 

**_Won't you decide?_ **

“Akaashiiiiiiii! I said I’m sorry,okay? I’ll be good! I didn’t mean to go so far yesterday,I just got excited when you said my name!” Kōtarō whined,the other not even looking at him. “Please talk to me! I’ll be a good boy!”

“You’re not a dog,Bokuto,but I don’t plan on saying your name ever again.” The ex-setter said,sulking under the sheets. 

“Akaa.. No,Keiji..” Kōtarō purred out huskily,kissing his cheek through the blanket. “You can’t be mad forever.” The ace said cockily,bursting into laughter when he saw the tent lower on the blanket. “You’re hard after all the stuff we did yesterday?” 

“Shut up,you pervert!” The ex-setter shouted,his face burning from embarrassment. Kōtarō just threw his head back and laughed. 

**_I want you to soar_ **

“Keiji,why are you dating Bokuto? He’s an idiot..” Kenma asked,making Keiji laugh. 

“Kuroo is no better when Bokuto’s around,but Bokuto’s really sweet. He’s an idiot,but he’s my special little idiot.” Keiji explained,seeing the grimace on his friend’s face. 

“The fact that the four of us live together probably scares our neighbors.” Kenma muttered,still playing his game. 

“Oya oya oya?” Kōtarō called out from the kitchen. 

“Oya oya oya oya!” Tetsurō replied from the closet,where he was looking for a cleaning spray. 

**_Don't doubt anymore_ **

“Bokuto,please use your umbrella!” Keiji called out to his boyfriend,who sprinted into the outside air with a laugh.

“You just have to catch me,Akaashi!” The ace said cockily. 

After years of experience,it only took Keiji five minutes to catch his boyfriend.

**_(Little by little, we meet in the middle)_ **

“Akaashiiiiiii! You fuckin’ asshole! Ya owe me one!” Tatsuki slurred out,hiccuping as he downed yet another drink. 

“Oh shove it,dumbass! Dumbass! Stupid-head!” Kōtarō snapped,making Keiji laugh. 

“Says the dumbest one here! You stupid baby!” Yamato teased the owl-haired boy with a smirk,leaning over and kissing Keiji’s cheek with a laugh. 

“YOU LEAVE AKAASHI ALONE!!! AKAASHI’S MINE!” Kōtarō shouted,peppering kisses all over Keiji’s face eagerly. The ex-setter just sat there,laughing happily. 

**_Won't you decide? (What's your name?)_ **

“Akaashiiiiiiiiii!!!! How come you won’t look at meeee?” Kōtarō whined,puffing out his cheeks. “I want a kisssssss!” 

“Sorry,what’s your name again..?” Keiji asked,looking at him and narrowing his eyes. 

“Aaashiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!! That’s so cruel! Listen,I’m sorry that I stayed out last night! I wasn’t doing anything bad,I just got carried away working on my spikes..” Kōtarō said,giving his best puppy eyes. “I won’t do it ever again,okay? I’ll be a good boy,so just give me a kiss,pretty please?” 

“You’re not getting off that easy. You promised me that we could snuggle and watch movies last night. I had to third-wheel and watch Kenma and Tetsurō play MarioKart all night. Do you know how awkward that was?” Keiji asked,huffing and glaring. 

“You’re only mad because I wasn’t there to hold you,right?” Kōtarō asked,leaning towards him. “You’ve been extra cuddly recently,you know?” 

“Oh shut up! I’ve not been clingy or cuddly or anything! I’m not snuggling with you ever again!” Keiji snapped,puffing out his cheeks just a little. It was extremely rare for Keiji to get upset like this,but Kōtarō always had to take it seriously when he did. 

“I’m sorry,Keiji.. Won’t you forgive me?” Kōtarō purred out,grabbing his hand and kissing his knuckles. “I’ll never do it again.my love.. I’ll be good,so please don’t hate me,okay? I love you,baby..” He pleaded,making Keiji go bright red. Kōtarō’s flirting was truly a dangerous thing. 

Needless to say,Keiji was putty in his boyfriend’s hands once again that night. 

**_Won't you decide?_ **

“Akaashiiii! Don’t look at that dude like that!” Kōtarō whined,grabbing his lover’s hand. 

“Bokuto,we’re watching a movie. I have to watch the actors. And please be quiet,we’re in a theatre.” Keiji muttered,sighing. 

“But you’re staring at that buff guy too much..” Kōtarō muttered,squeezing his hand even tighter as he pouted. “You shouldn’t stare at anyone other than me like that.” 

“Bokuto,if you’re not gonna pay attention to the movie we should just leave.” Keiji said,sighing as he looked at his boyfriend. “Are you really jealous of an actor?” 

“I’m not jealous..! But.. But if he ever met you,he’d definitely wanna take you from me,and I’d have to beat him up for that.” Kōtarō said,pouting childishly. “You’re all mine,right?” 

“Of course. I decided I was yours the day I first saw you.” Keiji said,patting his owl-haired boyfriend on the head. Kōtarō let out a victorious laugh,leading the others in the theatre to turn and glare.

**_(I hope you can hear me, I needed you near me)_ **

“Akaashiiiiiiii! I know you can hear me!” Kōtarō called out to his boyfriend,who was barely five feet away. 

“Bokuto,please relax. I’m practically right beside you.” Keiji said,sighing. “I’m just trying to help Kenma unpack his bags.” 

“But you’re not looking at me.” Kōtarō complained,hugging his boyfriend from behind with a smile. “You promised to come to my next game,right? I’ve gotta play at my best,so you have to be there!” 

“Of course I’ll be there,but when I’m working on other things I don’t need to stare at you.” Keiji sighed. 

“You two are so close it’s disgusting.” Kenma said,making Tetsurō laugh since his boyfriend was sitting on his lap. 

“You two are literally cuddling right now!” Kōtarō pointed out. 

“Bro,don’t ruin this for me. Cuddling Kenma is therapeutic.” Tetsurō hissed. 

“And snuggling Akaashi is the absolute best!” Kōtarō snapped,huffing childishly. 

“Shut up!” Both Kenma and Keiji said in unison,making their boyfriends laugh. 

**_I want you to soar (you save my life)_ **

Kōtarō was covered in sweat,his heart feeling like it was beating out of his chest. They had already played two sets,and were currently at a tie. 

“Come on,Bokuto! An ace’s back is supposed to be inspiring,not trembling!” He muttered to himself,his teammates staring in fear. Everyone knew how hard it was to drag the ace out of one of his ‘depressive’ fits,and they terrified him. 

“You’ve got this,bro!” Tetsurō shouted from the stands,Kenma elbowing him in the side. “Akaashi’s gonna kill you if you lose after everything you did for good luck!” He shouted,making the ex-setter go red-faced as he elbowed Tetsurō as well. 

Kōtarō looked over at the stands,the boy grinning when he saw his flustered boyfriend and his grinning best-friend sitting there. Even pudding-head had come to encourage him,so he was really happy. 

“Are you guys ready to win this thing? I’m not just any ace,I’m Akaashi’s ace,so you guys just need to get the ball to me.” Kōtarō told his teammates with a grin. He couldn’t lose when he had everyone cheering him on. 

Needless to say,Kōtarō won his game while only letting the other team score half the final set. 

**_Don't doubt anymore (let's keep this between you and I)_ **

“Akaashiiiiiiii! Let’s go on a date tonight!” Kōtarō said,making the ex-setter sigh. 

“Bokuto,I’m too tired.. I just came back from work,and today was a rough day.” Keiji said,yawning and rubbing his eyes. 

“Then can I give you a massage? It could help you out a little..” Kōtarō asked,scooping the other up and carrying him to the bed. “Just lay down for now,okay? We can go on a date some other time.” 

“I just wanna snuggle for tonight..” Keiji muttered,snuggling into his boyfriend. He pouted a little when he was set down on the bed,though he watched in silence when Kōtarō stripped his shirt off and laid down beside him. 

“Wanna talk about what happened?” Kōtarō asked him softly. He knew his boyfriend liked his muscles,so he had hoped taking his shirt off would please him at least a little. 

“Not right now.. Maybe later,though.” Keiji said,laying his head on his boyfriend’s chest and listening to his heartbeat. 

**_And if our world comes tumbling down_ **

“Well maybe if you weren’t such a fucking idiot then Keiji wouldn’t have left!” Kenma shouted at the ace,his temper flaring up. Tetsurō was barely able to hold his ‘feral’ boyfriend back,sighing. 

“I’m sorry,bro,but I’m on Kenma’s side this time.. You should go find him. It’s raining too hard outside,and he didn’t even put a jacket on before he left.” Tetsurō said,Kōtarō just nodding and grabbing his own jacket. 

“If you don’t bring him back in one piece,I swear I’ll cut your fucking dick off!” Kenma growled out. “I will strangle you,Kōtarō!” He added,Kōtarō just quickly retreating outside to safety. 

Today was a rare occasion,one where Keiji had become too fed up with the childish ace and had left to cool his head. One too many drinks the previous night had left them both with bad hangovers,so Keiji’s mood was worse than usual from the second he’d woken up. 

Walking through the storm left Kōtarō completely soaked,but there was no way he could easily track down Keiji,so he continued to walk through the rain even as others ducked for cover under awnings. 

It took him nearly an hour to find Keiji,who was sitting outside of a store. Seeing his soaked boyfriend pissed him off,though he wasn’t sure why. 

“Why the _fuck_ did you leave the house in this sort of weather without a jacket?! You’re completely soaked!” Kōtarō shouted,Keiji just looking up at him with tear-filled eyes. 

“You just wouldn’t shut up,so I wanted to leave before this sort of thing happened! I just wanted to sleep all day,but you’re such an early-bird that it drives me insane! My head hurts like hell,I’m freezing,my clothes are completely soaked,and you’re not making anything better!” Keiji wailed out,making Kōtarō panic. 

“I’m sorry,baby.. Shh,I’m sorry.. Look,let’s just go home,okay? We can go home,shower,and snuggle in bed,okay? I should’ve shut up when you asked me to be quiet.” Kōtarō said softly,Keiji just nodding and sniffling. 

**_I never could forgive myself for leaving out_ **

Keiji Akaashi was completely enamored by Kōtarō Bokuto at first sight. 

**_And if our world comes tumbling down_ **

Kōtarō Bokuto was completely spoiled by Keiji Akaashi after the first time they spoke. 

**_I never could forgive myself for leaving out_ **

Keiji Akaashi was completely willing to give everything away for Kōtarō Bokuto. 

**_You're the one_ **

Kōtarō Bokuto would give his life for Keiji Akaashi anyday. 

**_You are the only one_ **

Keiji Akaashi promised to stay with Kōtarō Bokuto forever. 

**_And if our world comes tumbling down (the world comes tumbling down)_ **

Kōtarō Bokuto promised to never run away from Keiji Akaashi again. 

**_I never could forgive myself, I'll say it now (I never could forgive myself)_ **

Keiji Akaashi and Kōtarō Bokuto were both happily accepted by their parents when they came out. 

**_You're the one_ **

Kōtarō Bokuto promised to never let Keiji Akaashi cry again. 

**_You are the only one_ **

Keiji Akaashi cried a lot over his lover,though he never let Kōtarō Bokuto see. 


	5. Lamentations of the Setter

(This is a chapter about Tobio and Shōyō! As the ‘freak duo’ gets older,what will happen? The song for this chapter is ‘You and Me’ by James TW! Also,I’m really sorry about the wait,but I wanted to take a bit more time with this story than the others,which resulted in it being super long! Please let me know what you guys think about it!)  
 **_I didn't mean to hurt you_ **

“Hinata,you dumbass! Why are you always missing the spikes now?! I’m setting it perfectly!” Tobio shouted at his orange-haired boyfriend,making the shorter boy growl. 

“If you didn’t try to set the ball when I’m not paying attention then we wouldn’t have a problem!” Shōyō spat out,glaring at him. 

“Oh shut up! You’re so useless,I’m gonna quit getting the ball to you!” Tobio snarled,leading the first-years to flinch at their setter’s words. The third-year couple was a mess,and their younger teammates wouldn’t intervene out of fear.

“Fine then,Stupidyama! I don’t need you to set the ball! I can hit anyone’s ball!” Shōyō snapped,stomping over to Tadashi. 

“Ah,Hinata,maybe you shouldn’t be so angry..” Tadashi muttered,scratching his cheek nervously. “Just relax,okay? You two shouldn’t fight right now,we have a game coming up..” 

“Yeah,so go back to your royal boyfriend and don’t bug us.” Kei muttered. 

“Shut up,Tsukishima! He’s just being stupid! I’m going on a walk!” Shōyō snapped as he stomped out of the gym angrily.

“Oi,dumbass! You’d better hurry up and come back!” Tobio shouted,growling when he saw the orange-haired boy flip him off. “Fucking idiot..” He muttered,returning to the game and apologizing to his teammates. He and Shōyō had hit a rough patch in their relationship recently,so it wasn’t surprising to the others that they had another fight. 

Nearly an hour passed,and there was no sign of Shōyō,so Tadashi sent Tobio to find him. Checking around the vending machines with no luck,and then checking around the club rooms led to nothing. With a sigh,he headed into their classroom,finally finding his tiny boyfriend.

“Oi,dumbass! Wait,you’re crying..!?” Tobio called out,panicking a little when he saw the tears streaming down Shōyō’s face. 

“I.. I’m not crying! Screw off!” Shōyō snapped,covering his face and sniffling as he wiped at his eyes. “I’m not crying,so just leave me alone,Stupidyama!” 

“You’re clearly crying! Geez,you’re so sensitive.. Just calm down,okay?” Tobio told him,his voice getting softer as he walked over and pulled his boyfriend into his arms. “I’m sorry,okay? I didn’t mean to hurt you or make you upset like this,I’ve just been stressed out recently..” 

“It’s not ‘cause of that! You’ve been mean,and you said you wouldn’t get the ball to me anymore and that means no practice once the others leave and..” Shōyō sniffled,trying to stop crying. 

“I’m sorry,okay? I was just being stupid is all,okay? It’s not your fault,I promise.. We can practice for as long as you’d like,so just stop crying,okay?” Tobio asked softly,making Shōyō sniffle and nod. Tobio looked cold on the outside,and he was a total dork for volleyball,but he was utterly helpless when it came to Shōyō. He loved his boyfriend. 

By the time Shōyō returned home late that night,his hands were bright red from spiking. 

**_So why'd I let you walk out the door?_ **

“Stupidyama! Stupidyama! Stupidyama!” Shōyō chanted,making his boyfriend growl and lunge at him. Shōyō dodged him easily,laughing as he did. Tadashi watched them happily,though Kei looked disgusted. 

“Just stay in one spot so I can hit you,dumbass!” Tobio barked out as he chased Shōyō around the gym. The first-years watched on in amusement,thinking it was hilarious. “If you guys grab him,I’ll buy you meat buns!” He shouted,the first-years on the team lunging towards the orange-haired boy. 

“That’s so unfair,Stupidyama!” Shōyō whined as he dodged between everyone.

“All’s fair in love and war!” Tobio said cockily,smirking evilly as he finally caught him. “Now be prepared for punishment!” He added as he began to tickle Shōyō,making him throw his head back as he laughed. 

“Let go! Let go! I give,I give! I’m sorry!” Shōyō said between giggles,Tobio just chuckling and letting go. 

“I’ll let you off easy this time,but you owe the whole team meat buns!” Tobio said,making Shōyō whine. 

“Come on,senpai! Kageyama promised that we’d get meat buns!” One of the first-years whined. Shōyō’s face went bright red before he smirked. 

“Of course I’ll buy everyone meat buns! I’m your senpai,after all!” The boy said cockily,making the second-years laugh. 

“The first-years catch on quickly,don’t they? Hinata’s really just like the short senpai was last year,he’s got a weakness for being called ‘senpai’.” One of the second-years said,his friend laughing and nodding. Tobio just watched with a gentle smile. 

Shōyō’s allowance was spent solely on meat buns for the team once again that week,but he was just glad to be called ‘senpai’. 

**_You said that you don't know me_ **

“Oi,where’d the dumbass go?” Tobio asked Tadashi,who pointed at the gym door. 

“He said someone called him,so he went to meet up with them.” Tadashi explained. “He seemed excited,so I’m guessing Kenma is in the area for some reason.” He added,Tobio already halfway out the door. 

Walking around campus,Tobio eventually found Shōyō talking to Atsumu,which instantly pissed him off. Pressing against the wall around the corner,he decided to eavesdrop. 

“Atsumu,I’ve already told you that I won’t play with you and your friends.” Shōyō sighed,staring up at the taller male. “I’m a member of Karasuno.” 

“That’s not it at all,Shōyō! I just wanna be your setter for a match. I know you’d fall in love with my serves,so why keep denying it? Even just one match,not even an official one,with me and the others at the place I train at. That’s all I’m asking for,Shōyō.” Atsumu told him,sighing. “I’m interested in your power,so I want to see you spike. I want to see you score because of me.” 

“Doing that would be betraying Kageyama.” Shōyō said,stepping back and glaring a little. “That’s like cheating!” 

“Tobio won’t always be your setter,Shōyō!” Atsumu snapped. Tobio couldn’t control his temper anymore,stepping out from around the corner. 

“He’s right,Hinata. You need to get used to playing with other teams as well,so go play with them if you wanna.” Tobio snapped,glaring harshly at Atsumu now. He knew from first-hand experience what Shōyō did to setters,and he didn’t like that Atsumu was moving in on his boyfriend. 

“Stupidyama?! Since when have you been listening in?!” Shōyō asked,his eyes widening. “And what are you talking about?! There’s no way I can go play even a fake match with another team! That’s practically cheating!” 

“That’s not cheating,that’s life! If Karasuno is where you want your volleyball to end,then go ahead and be stubborn,but I’d take that chance without hesitation! You’re mine,but you’re also my rival!” Tobio snapped,making Shōyō even more upset. 

“Oi,Tobio,you’re going too far. If Shōyō doesn’t really wanna play with me,then I won’t force him,I just thought it would be a good experience. You two don’t need to fight over this..” Atsumu said,stepping between the two. 

“You’re such an asshole,Stupidyama! I don’t want to play with any other setter because you’re the best in my eyes!” Shōyō shouted,shoving Atsumu out of the way and marching over to his boyfriend. 

“Then let your volleyball end here! We won’t always play together,you idiot!” Tobio yelled,shoving the shorter boy angrily with more force than he’d meant to use. Shōyō stumbled back,before righting himself and growling. 

“Why can’t we,huh?! Why can’t we always play together,Stupidyama?! It’s like I don’t even know you when you act like this! I love you and volleyball,so I wanna be on the court with you forever! I wanna stand on the same court as you always,so I don’t wanna go play with anyone else!” Shōyō shouted,sniffling a bit. “Forget it.. Let’s just get back to practice so we can help put everything away.” He hissed as he stomped by Tobio,who just stood there silently for a few minutes before returning to the gym as well. 

Tobio and Shōyō broke up that day,the duo hardly talking after that. 

**_You don't know who I am anymore_ **

“Hinata,how come you and Kageyama aren’t talking anymore?” Tadashi asked the orange-haired boy as they walked to class. 

“I don’t need to talk to someone like him.. He doesn’t care,so it doesn’t matter. I’m going to be playing with Atsumu today,so I won’t be practicing with you guys.” Shōyō replied as they passed Tobio,who just clenched his fists. 

“Ah,he finally convinced you to play with him? Mind if I come watch? I wanna see his serves in-person.” Tadashi asked. 

“Of course you can come! I wanna be able to spike better,and Atsumu promised that I could bring anyone I want so they could see a ‘good team’ in practice as well. He even promised that Aran would be there!” Shōyō told him excitedly,grinning. 

“Aren’t you worried about playing with and against a college team?” Tadashi asked nervously. 

“Of course! But I won’t let them get by me! I’m gonna practice my receives even more,and I’ll beat them!” Shōyō said confidently as he stopped by his classroom. “I’ll see you later,Yamaguchi!” He said,the other nodding and waving before leaving. 

Tobio pestered Kei for the location of the practice match,and he showed up to watch it in a hoodie and sunglasses. He watched Shōyō jumped into the air,watched as he ‘flew’,and watched as he spiked the ball down. 

“That was amazing,Shōyō!” Atsumu shouted,laughing as he held his hand up for a highfive as the other landed. 

“You’re the best,Atsumu! It was like the ball came right to me and I was like ‘bam!’ and it felt so good to hit it!” Shōyō shouted,highfiving the other happily. “Let’s do it again!”

“That kid’s a highschooler..? No way,he’s way too good..” One of their teammates muttered,the others nodding in fearful admiration. 

The game was a no-brainer,with Shōyō’s team completely wiping the floor with the other team. No matter where Atsumu set the ball to,Shōyō showed up to spike it down eagerly. After they finally finished,the new ‘freak duo’ grinned at one another. 

“You’re really way too cool,Atsumu!” Shōyō praised,his eyes wide and sparkly as he stared up at him. Tobio’s heart tightened at the sight of his ex’s happiness,knowing Shōyō had only ever shown that face because of him and volleyball. 

“You have amazing stamina,Shōyō. Won’t you come and play with us every once in a while? You mopped the floor of an entire team of college students,so you’ll fit in well around here.” Atsumu asked,smirking. 

“I.. Actually,yeah,I will! I wanna shove it in Stupidyama’s face!” Shōyō said,grinning up at Atsumu. “I look forward to playing with you even more,Atsumu!” 

Shōyō became a regular guest on the college campus,practically abandoning Karasuno’s volleyball team practices. 

**_But if you knew the truth,then_ **

“Senpai,when is Hinata gonna show up?” One of the braver first-years asked,making Tobio sigh. 

“That moron probably won’t show up today. He’s left Karasuno behind.” Tobio explained. 

“How come?” The boy asked,staring up at him. 

“Just because! Get back to practice,dumbass!” Tobio shouted,making the boy flinch away and retreat. 

“You unleashed your little monster and now you’re upset that he won’t return? How pathetic.” Kei taunted,making Tobio growl and grab him by the collar. 

“You have no clue what the hell went down between us,so shut up!” Tobio snapped,gripping his shirt tightly and glaring. 

“I know that you hurt him badly enough to make that volleyball-obsessed freak skip practice,and that the first and second-years are worried because of it,so I know you need to fix this problem before our next game.” Kei said coldly,glaring and shoving his arm away. “Now back off,you stupid king.” 

“Tsukki,that’s enough! You’re going too far!” Tadashi said,grabbing his shoulder and sighing. “Come on already,just drop it.” 

“The longer that supid shrimp misses practice,the more our team falls apart. Without that idiot,we can’t win,and if he adjusts too much to another team then we’re screwed.” Kei said,Tobio letting go of him finally. 

“He’ll still be able to play when he comes back.” Tobio hissed,turning away angrily. 

“And what if he can’t? What if he only wants his new setter?” Kei asked,his petty temper flaring up. “What if he stops chasing after you,hm? Then what,king?” He hissed. 

“Shut the hell up!” Tobio shouted angrily,stomping away as he ran a hand through his hair. He couldn’t calm himself down,stressed out at the idea of Shōyō falling in love with someone else. 

When training was finally completely over,Tobio went to the gates with a sigh,his eyes widening when he saw Atsumu carrying Shōyō on his back. 

“What the hell happened?!” Tobio growled,storming over. 

“He passed out,so I’m carrying him home. He’s not doing too well.” Atsumu said,Shōyō gripping onto him tighter and letting out a whimper. Tobio felt his forehead,his eyes widening at how hot his skin felt. 

“Why the hell would you let him practice when he’s sick?” Tobio asked. “Listen,I’ll carry him home,so just fuck off,alright?” 

“No way,I’m in charge of Shōyō. He’s my precious spiker now,so I’ll be taking good care of him. Just leave him alone so he can grow up in peace.” Atsumu growled out as he kept walking. 

“His house is all the way on the other side of a giant hill,and you think you have the stamina to make it there while carrying him?” Tobio asked as he followed,trying to keep his temper down. 

“Just leave,Tobio. You’re not his setter anymore,I am. Just because he’s still a member of Karasuno doesn’t mean he’s yours.” Atsumu snapped,Shōyō just gripping onto him tighter. The orange-haired boy was panting,skin burning to the touch. 

“Kag.. yam…” Shōyō whimpered out as he began to wake up,struggling to stay conscious. 

“Shh,I’m here..” Tobio said softly,starting to feel anxious. 

It took the duo nearly an hour to make it to the Hinata household,Atsumu feeling like he would pass out if he didn’t set the boy down soon. As light as Shōyō was,carrying him the whole time hurt like hell,and he refused to hand him over to Tobio. Knocking on the front door,Atsumu was caught off guard when Natsu flung the door open,the boy barely stepping away on time for the door to miss him. 

“Big brother Tobio!” Natsu greeted him happily,making the boy chuckle. 

“It’s nice to see you again,Natsu. Can we come in and lay your big brother down? He’s got a fever.” Tobio said,his voice gentle. Out of every child he’d ever met,Natsu was the only one to never be afraid of him.

“Of course! Why is Tsumu with you?” Natsu said,making Tobio’s blood run cold. 

“When did you come over to his house?” Tobio asked Atsumu,making the other setter smirk. 

“I’ve been over here quite a few times in the last month or so.” Atsumu said,Tobio clenching his fists as he tried to calm his temper. Atsumu just walked into the house,heading up to Shōyō’s room confidently. The fact that the other setter knew where Shōyō’s room was pissed Tobio off as well,but it was Shōyō’s mother greeting Atsumu so eagerly that nearly sent him over the edge. 

“Hey Tsumu! How come you’re carrying Shōyō?” The woman asked,completely ignoring Tobio for now. 

“He’s pretty sick right now. Do you have any specific type of medicine I should give him? And do you think it’d be okay if I spent the night?” Atsumu asked,looking at her. “I know you’re busy taking care of Natsu,so I’d feel bad if I just dropped him off like this.” 

“No,no,it’s fine! You even bringing him home is more than enough! You shouldn’t be too close to a sick person!” His mother said worriedly,Natsu just staying close to them happily as her mother spoke. 

“I can take care of bubby like a big girl!” Natsu said,Atsumu laughing a bit. 

“I’d really feel bad if I left Shōyō like this,so can I please spend the night? I have no classes tomorrow,so you don’t need to worry about anything,okay?” Atsumu asked,Shōyō’s mother giving in quickly. 

“Alright,alright.. But you have to promise me you’ll be careful not to get sick as well,okay?” She asked,Atsumu just nodding and smiling at her before heading into Shōyō’s room. 

Tobio was unhappy at the changes he noticed. In Shōyō’s room,there used to be pictures of the duo they had taken on dates. Shōyō had pestered him to take photos in a photobooth with him,and eventually the setter had given in. After that,the pictures had been hung up all over Shōyō’s room,but now they were nowhere to be seen. Tobio’s old hoodie was no longer on Shōyō’s bed,which made his heart crack a little. 

His attention snapped back to Atsumu,who was carefully laying the spiker on the bed. Shōyō let out a whimper of pain,Tobio heading out of the room to retrieve some medicine. 

When he returned with the medicine minutes later,he was disgusted to see Atsumu playing with Shōyō’s hair,not even trying to hide his emotions. 

“Why are you trying to steal him from me?” Tobio asked as he walked over,Atsumu just looking up and smirking. 

“Shōyō told me once that you have a habit of saying something… What was it again? Hmm.. Ah,I remember now.. ‘All is fair in love and war’,right? Isn’t that just bullshit,Tobio? See,I’m a selfish bastard,and I happened to take an interest in Shōyō back when you two were first-years,so I decided that I’d make him into _my_ spiker. He’s not an object,so he doesn’t belong to me or you,but I’ll certainly steal his heart.” Atsumu purred out with a smirk. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you,Atsumu? Please just leave.” Tobio snapped,glaring at him. 

“His mother didn’t even greet you,Tobio,and she gave _me_ permission to spend the night. So set the medicine down and leave,Tobio.” Atsumu said with a chuckle. Tobio did exactly that,knowing he couldn’t fight the other male. 

Shōyō was left clueless,and he woke up late the next day to find Atsumu being the one tending to his health. 

**_Then you wouldn't feel insecure_ **

Two days after Shōyō was carried home by Atsumu,the orange-haired boy ended up slamming into Tobio during practice. Tobio landed on the ground,cursing as he looked up at Shōyō,who had landed on top of him. 

“Be more careful,dumbass!” Tobio growled as he sat up. Shōyō scrambled off of him,elbowing him in the stomach as he did so. 

“I’m sorry,geez! It’s not like I did it on purpose,Stupidyama!” The spiker snapped,Tobio just glaring. 

“Hey,are you two okay? That was a pretty rough fall..” Tadashi asked worriedly,Shōyō just standing up and wincing a bit. 

“I’m fine,so let’s just get back to practice,okay?” Shōyō asked,sighing. 

“This wouldn’t have happened if you actually came to practices!” Tobio snapped as he stood up as well. “You’ve been skipping nearly every practice!” 

“Oh shut up! You have absolutely no idea what I’ve been doing!” Shōyō snapped at him,making Tobio scoff. 

“You really are a dumbass,you damn dumbass! If you didn’t run off to Atsumu everyday,then we would all still be in sync!” Tobio shouted,Shōyō shoving him roughly. 

“Shut up about Atsumu! You have no idea,you Stupidyama! It’s because you’ve been such an asshole that I’ve been having to miss practice! If you weren’t such an asshole,then I would be able to practice with everyone!” Shōyō shouted angrily,Tobio growling. He picked the boy up by the back of the shirt,flinging him once again. Yachi was panicking as she watched them,Ukai just sighing as he watched them fight. He knew better than to intervene when the duo was like this. Shōyō scrambled to get up again,stumbling a little since his ankle hurt. He stood up,glaring and trying to charge at Tobio again. 

“If you want to complain,then fuck off and go play with your new boyfriend! I’ve told you over and over again,but when it comes to volleyball,I won’t forgive you if you try to hold me back!” Tobio shouted,Tadashi and Kei holding the boys back from attacking one another. Kei usually wasn’t one to meddle in things,but even he couldn’t let the two continue their fight. 

“Quit it,Tobio.” Kei said coldly,the blue-eyed setter turning his back. Tadashi was barely able to hold Shōyō back,trying to calm the boy down. 

Practice ended after the fight,with Shōyō heading out first. He was limping a little,Tobio heading out a few minutes later. The setter clenched his fists when he saw Atsumu checking the spiker over,staring at them in silence. 

“How’d you injure your ankle?” Atsumu asked worriedly as he examined the other’s ankle,Shōyō just shaking his head quietly. “It’s fine to tell me anything,Shōyō.. I’ll try my best to help you out however I can.. You know that,right?” The setter asked. Shōyō let out a sniffle,Atsumu standing up and grabbing his chin worriedly. “Shōyō,look at me.. Seriously,why are you like this? Are you going to cry?” He asked worriedly. Shōyō just hugged him tightly,burying his face in the setter’s chest as he broke down to tears. Atsumu held him quietly,giving Tobio a sharp glare when he walked by them. Neither setter could forgive the other. 

Shōyō went home in silence that night,his eyes bloodshot from crying until he couldn’t even cry anymore. 

**_'Cause if I didn't have you_ **

Tobio was trying to calm himself down,even a week after their fight. He was trying to sort his thoughts out,trying to come up with a strategy,but the boy wasn’t smart unless it came to volleyball. Running a hand through his hair,he stared down at the pages of his notebook and sighed. He had spent the majority of the night trying to figure out what he should do to work things out with Shōyō,but he couldn’t come up with anything. He was still helplessly in love with the boy,but he couldn’t get the words out. He couldn’t explain things how he wished to,and that’s why things had ended up so terribly in the first place. He looked over when his phone beeped,his eyes widening when he saw a text from Shōyō. Flipping his phone open,he looked down at the screen in silence. 

‘Come meet me tonight.’ -S

‘Where at?’ -T

‘The park. It won’t take long.’ -S

‘What’s this about? And what time do you want to meet up?’ -T

‘Around nine or ten. It’s time we end all of this.’ -S

‘I’ll be there.’ -T

Shōyō’s final text terrified the setter,making his heart beat faster. He just put his hand over his heart,gripping his shirt and taking a few deep breaths to calm himself. He knew he couldn’t afford to slack on his explanations anymore,and he was disgusted with himself for being so pathetic. 

When 10p.m. rolled around,Tobio left his house without explaining anything to his mother,who just sighed and waved him off. The setter was walking quickly,keeping his eyes locked ahead as he did so. He was terrified of what could happen next,but he also knew it was better to lay everything out in the open. 

“Hey.” Shōyō greeted him when the taller male approached,Tobio just nodding and sitting down beside him on the bench. 

“Hey.” The setter said. He felt like his breath had been taken away all over again by the boy,leaving him breathless. 

“Listen,we need to talk.. Well,no,I guess I just want you to listen..” Shōyō said,rubbing the back of his neck. 

“I’ll listen.” Tobio said quietly,not looking at him either. “And then I want you to listen to me.” 

“Tobio,volleyball has been everything to me for years.. No,it’s not just volleyball.. It’s the people in volleyball that mean everything to me.. The first time I saw the Little Giant play,it was like my heart went ‘boom!’ and I couldn’t stand the thought of not being able to play like him,so I did everything I could to become just like him,and that led me to you.. And yeah,it hurts like hell when we fight,and you drive me absolutely fucking insane,and I swear Kenma was going to kill you when I told him about how you picked me up and threw me the other day,but that’s besides the point..” Shōyō rambled,sighing and rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m still in love with you,and it pisses me off more than anything because you’re not supposed to matter to me anymore.. I’ve always told you that volleyball is a team sport,and that as your teammate I’ll always be there to spike any ball you set,but it’s not that easy,you know? I’m not that smart,but even I know that we’re not healthy.. Both of us love volleyball too much,and I let that blind me into thinking life would be okay so long as we’re together,but that’s not true.. I’ll have to play on a lot of teams if I want to win a gold medal,so I can’t just be a leech.. I just wanted to apologize for always being a dumbass,I guess.. And,um.. If you’re worried about Atsumu,please don’t be.. He and I are good friends,and we work well together when we play,but he doesn’t make my heart beat as fast as you do..” He explained. Tobio just listened to him in silence,before letting out a sigh. 

“Are you done now,you dumbass?” Tobio asked,trying to gather his thoughts. 

“Hey,I’m laying my heart out here! Calling me a dumbass right now is mean!” Shōyō whined,before he just sighed and nodded. “Yeah,I’m done..” He added. 

“Listen,because I’m only saying all this once..” Tobio warned,taking a deep breath. “I’m in love with you,but I don’t want either of us to hold the other back,so let’s stop dating for now,okay? We’re not good in a relationship right now,so let’s go back to just being friends,okay? Just come back to practicing with us,and only play with Atsumu on the weekends.. You’re Karasuno’s new Little Giant,so you can’t run off to some college until we graduate.. So put up with me for just a while longer,okay?” He asked,Shōyō just slowly nodding. 

“Is that all you wanted to say?” The orange-haired spiker asked. When Tobio nodded and stood up,Shōyō just let out a laugh. “You’re an asshole,Stupidyama! Geez,I hate that it’s you of all people I love!” He said,trying his best to smile through his aching heart. “We’re still partners and rivals,right?” 

“We’re still the ‘freak duo’,and we’ll always be that,dumbass.” Tobio said,shoving his hands in his pockets and scuffing a little bit of dirt up with his shoe to distract himself. “Things will be normal tomorrow,alright? Let’s go back to before we even dated and just be good friends,’kay?” 

“Okay.” Shōyō said,not wanting to argue with him anymore. 

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow.. Night.” Tobio said as he walked off quickly,not looking back even once. 

Shōyō returned home in a fit of tears that night,making Natsu very angry at ‘big brother Tobio’ all over again. 

**_I wouldn't have nothing at all_ **

Tobio continued to be plagued by horrible thoughts,though the man was in shock when Tōru appeared a week later during practice. 

“Why are you here,Oikawa?” Tobio asked,raising an eyebrow as he stared up at the older male. 

“What do you mean? I’m here with Kōshi.” Tōru said,chuckling as he pointed over his shoulder at his friend. 

“Why are you with Suga?!” Shōyō asked excitedly,practically bouncing up and down from excitement. 

“We were in the area,so we wanted to stop by. Tōru mentioned that he missed volleyball,so..” Kōshi said,rubbing the back of his neck and chuckling. 

“Grand King,please set the ball for me! I wanna know how it feels to spike yours down!” Shōyō begged,making Tobio growl. 

“Are you sure it won’t make your boyfriend over there uncomfortable,Chibi?” Tōru asked,raising an eyebrow. “And my knee still isn’t exactly the best,so I probably wouldn’t be much help..” 

“Ah,he and I aren’t together anymore..” Shōyō said,grabbing a volleyball and shoving it into Tōru’s arms. “I don’t care if you think you’re not good,you’re still the grand king,right?” 

“If that’s what you want..” Tōru said,chuckling a bit as he shrugged his jacket off. Kōshi took it so he could hold it for him,watching them in silence with a smile. Tōru set the ball,making sure it would be at the height of Shōyō’s jumping abilities. Shōyō ran and jumped,spiking it down as hard as he could and grinning as he landed. 

“You really are a good setter!” Shōyō shouted,clearly happy. “Can you set for me for a while?” 

“I guess so..” Tōru said,chuckling and rubbing the back of his neck. “Only for a while,’cause I have to get to the doctor’s office later.” 

“How come?” Shōyō asked curiously,tilting his head to the side like a puppy. 

“I have to meet up with my physical therapist,so I really shouldn’t exercise too much before the appointment,but just half an hour should be fine.” Tōru explained,Kōshi warning him that he’d regret it later. Tōru just waved off his roommate’s worries,continuing to practice with them for a while.

Tobio watched them the entire time,his heart feeling hollow. When he thought of the ‘perfect spiker’,he could only imagine Shōyō. If Shōyō really did replace him with another setter,he knew he’d be left behind with nothing but himself to rely on. 

Shōyō went to bed that night with a big grin,glad he had experienced another setter’s playing style. 

**_I wish you could see yourself through my eyes_ **

“When that dumbass jumps,he flies.” Tobio had once warned the first-years that had made fun of Shōyō. 

“When that dumbass jumps,he flies.” Tobio had once warned their opponents at nationals. 

“When that dumbass jumps,he flies.” Tobio had once warned Atsumu,back during the nationals of their second year of highschool. 

“When that dumbass jumps,he flies.” Tobio had once warned his ‘teammates’ at the training camp. 

“When that dumbass jumps,he flies.” Tobio had once warned himself,back when he stood on the opposite side of the net. 

“When that dumbass smiles,he lights up a room.” Tobio had once warned himself,back when he’d first begun to fall for Shōyō. 

“When that dumbass plays volleyball,his eyes sparkle.” Tobio had once warned himself,back when he began to pay attention to such trivial things. 

“When that dumbass looks at me,I’m the only thing reflected in his eyes.” Tobio had once warned himself,back when his ego began to climb once again. 

“When that dumbass cries,it breaks my heart.” Tobio had once warned himself,back after a particularly rough argument before they had broken up. 

“When that dumbass looks at me,smiles at me,or even says my name,I fall deeper in love.” Tobio warned himself everyday. 

**_I always forget that you can't read my mind_ **

“What do you want me to do,Stupidyama?!” Shōyō shouted at his ex,the blueberry boy snapping out of his daze. 

“Just clean the gym for me tonight. I can’t stay after to practice with you,I have to study with Hitoka.” Tobio said,sighing and rubbing the back of his neck. 

“What were you thinking about? Some crush or something?” Shōyō asked with a smirk,leaning towards him. “Wanna talk about it?” 

“Shut up,dumbass! I was thinking about something completely different,so shut up!” Tobio shouted,punching his shoulder. Shōyō let out a whine,the taller boy stomping out of the gym. “Now just shut up and clean!” He snapped as he slammed the door shut,his face exploding into color once the door was closed. He inwardly cursed at himself for thinking the other was cute when he acted like that,sighing as he ran a hand through his hair. 

“Oi,are you coming or not?” Kei asked the setter,who nodded. Walking together for a few minutes,the two soon arrived at the store. 

“I just need your help choosing a present. It’s his birthday soon,after all.” Tobio said,sighing.

“I already told you that the sunbaby will probably be upset that you got him something.” Kei said,sighing. “I don’t even feel like helping you out like this,so how come you didn’t ask Yamaguchi?” 

“Tadashi would definitely tell him what I got him,but you don’t care about this stuff,so you won’t tell him.” Tobio said,looking around the store curiously. 

“Didn’t he get you a bunch of milk for your birthday? Like,a whole box full? Why don’t you get him something he likes to eat and be done with it?” Kei asked,sighing. 

“He also gave me a new set of kneepads,a new volleyball for when I practice at home,a new hat,and a bunch of other stuff.. Just getting him meat buns or something would be a bad present.” Tobio explained,sighing a little. “Maybe I should just take him out to eat?” 

“That’d be a date,and considering the fact that the two of you just broke up,it’d be bad timing.” Kei warned,pushing his jackets up. “What the hell does that moron even like?” 

“He likes me and my hoodies.. And he likes volleyball,of course..” Tobio listed,awkwardly looking down. 

“Is that seriously all you know? You really are an idiot.” Kei mocked,chuckling. 

“Oh yeah? Then what the hell do you know about Tadashi?!” Tobio asked,huffing in annoyance. 

“He and I aren’t even dating,but I know he loves frenchfries,but only when they’re limp because he once nearly choked on a crispy one when we were hanging out. I know that he loves stuffed animals,stuffed dinosaurs in particular,because they remind him of me. I know that he has panic attacks sometimes before matches,and that he cries really easily.” Kei listed with a smirk. “And I know that you don’t know nearly as much about that stupid sunbaby as I do.” 

“No way in hell! I know more about that dumbass than anyone else!” Tobio growled out,glaring. 

“Yeah,sure,whatever. Just focus.” Kei said,sighing. Tobio just stomped away angrily and looked around,choosing random presents and shoving them in the kart. Kei nearly snorted when the boy grabbed a bag of pads,covering his mouth to stop himself from laughing. 

“What’s so funny?” Tobio asked as he looked over,annoyance written all over his face. 

“You’re not even paying attention to the aisle we’re in,are you? You just put shaving cream,a bag of pads,a razor,and a bottle of body wash in your little kart.” Kei pointed out,sighing. “You’re not the brightest,king.” 

“Oh shut up! This.. This stuff is for my mom.” Tobio lied,huffing as he stomped towards the stuffed animal aisle and looking around. He grabbed a stuffed dog,before pausing and shoving it back onto the shelf as he tried to think of what he could get Shōyō. 

It took two hours,with Kei leaving after the first half hour,for Tobio to finally figure out what to get Shōyō. It had taken seeing a couple holding hands that had led him to figure out what to buy. 

Shōyō cleaned the gym with Tadashi that night,the two just laughing and talking as they worked.

**_As long as I got you and me_ **

“Shōyō,happy birthday!” Tadashi shouted early one morning,the shorter boy turning and grinning. 

“Thanks,Tadashi! Are you gonna stay after practice with me today?” Shōyō asked,the other nodding with a laugh. 

“Of course I am! I’ll give you your present this afternoon,so you’ll have to wait until then,okay?” Tadashi said energetically,the shorter boy nodding and laughing. 

“Let’s get into class,then!” Shōyō said as he walked to his classroom. 

When the time for practice rolled around,Shōyō walked into the gym only to see a bunch of streamers and party decorations all over the place. Hitoka was helping Tobio hang them up,the girl nearly falling off of the ladder when she saw Shōyō come in. 

“How’d you get here so fast?!” Hitoka asked,her eyes widening as she steadied herself. “I thought Mr.Takeda was talking to you?!”

“Ah,he let me out early! What are you guys doing,anyways? Is all of this for me!?” Shōyō asked excitedly,his eyes sparkling as he looked around. 

“Of course it’s for you! Kageyama thought of it,so we all decided to pitch in and help!” Hitoka said happily,grinning at him cheekily. She,like the rest of their teammates,had sided with Shōyō after the break-up,though she still got along well enough with Tobio to understand his reasonings behind it. “Ah,I also called all of our old Karasuno teammates,so they’re all gonna show up soon besides Nishinoya.”

“Ah,Noya’s still out traveling,isn’t he?! Man,I really wish I could’ve seen him today! I wanna show him that I can kinda pull off Rolling Thunder now!” Shōyō whined,making Hitoka and a few others laugh. “You guys know you didn’t all have to do this,right?” 

“Well we all wanted to do it. Kageyama said that if we’re going to celebrate it,we should do it correctly and go all-out.” Tadashi said,giving him a cheeky grin. “I even invited Atsumu and Osamu!” 

“You invited who?! Dumbass Yamaguchi,he’s never been a teammate!” Tobio shouted,making Shōyō grin. 

“I can’t wait to see them,actually! I haven’t seen them in a few days,so it’ll be nice to catch up!” The boy said energetically,grinning. “Kenma sent me a present in the mail,so I’ve already been spoiled enough!” 

“Ooh,what’d he get you this year?” Tadashi asked,his eyes sparkling. Kenma’s presents for Shōyō had become legendary,as they were always expensive. 

“I’ll send pictures later,but my entire bedroom is full of stuffed volleyballs that he’d ordered online. They’re squishy and adorable!” Shōyō said,making Tobio’s eyes light up. 

“He got you volleyballs?” The setter asked,nearly knocking Hitoka off the ladder. He steadied her before she could fall,his eyes locked on his ex. 

“Yeah,but they’re stuffed ones. He did offer to send me a whole bunch of normal volleyballs,but my mom said having two hundred volleyballs in my room would make it impossible,so he ordered a bunch of stuffed ones instead!” Shōyō explained. “I slept with one last night after the delivery truck arrived ahead of schedule,and they’re really comfy! They’re like a whole new bed! Even Natsu loves them!” 

“Well that’s good. Anyways,everyone pitched in to get you an expensive present,but we couldn’t really decide on a present without help,so thank Akaashi and Bokuto for your present.” Tadashi said,nodding over to the little table. Shōyō’s entire expression lit up at the sight of the giant box,but Keishin stopped him before he could try and unwrap it. 

“You have to wait until you’ve eaten the cake and everyone else has arrived.” The coach scolded him,Shōyō pouting. 

Nearly an hour after all of the decorating was finished and the guests had begun to filter in,Shōyō was facing a table with a medium-sized mountain of presents,a giant cake that Osamu had made that was in the shape of a volleyball,and a comically large birthday card that had all sorts of signatures on it. 

“Who came up with the idea of the card?” The orange-haired boy asked curiously,Hitoka raising her hand and grinning. 

“It’s ‘cause we’ve had a bunch of tough opponents,so I wanted to get you something from all of them. It was kinda hard to get it to ship properly,but those are authentic signatures from nearly every opponent we faced during our first and second year.” The girl said,getting flustered at the praise she received from the others. 

After people had eaten their cake,Shōyō began to unwrap presents. Daichi and Kōshi had bought him a new volleyball-themed bento set,while Asahi and Yū (though Yū was overseas,so it was pretty much just from Asahi) had gotten him a new sports bottle that had miniature volleyballs and his name on it. Chikara,Hisashi,and Kazuhito had bought him a watch,while Ryūnosuke and Kiyoko had embroidered him a handkerchief (the only one to actually work on it was Kiyoko,as the two had decided Ryūnosuke’s needlework was too messy for a present). Kei and Tadashi had bought him a bunch of stationary (Tadashi chose almost everything because Kei couldn’t be bothered,though Kei had been the one to insist on paying for it),while Keishin and Ittetsu had given him a bunch of coupons for free meat buns. Osamu and Atsumu had banded together to buy him an expensive ointment for his hands to help when he got calluses and blisters,as Atsumu had nearly fainted when Shōyō spiked a ball while his hands were raw from practicing too much. Hitoka and Tobio were the only ones who got him presents on their own,with Hitoka getting him a brand new shirt that Kōtarō had recommended her to buy for the boy. Though the design made the others cringe,Shōyō loved it. Tobio’s present for the other boy blew the others out of the water,and made Shōyō cry. 

Opening the last box,Shōyō saw a glass photo print of their entire team over the last three years,seeing the pictures they took each year. The one from their first year,full of grins despite the third-years being about to disappear. The one from their second year,full of laughter over the fact that they were all covered in bruises after a rather intense match. And the last one was from their current school year,the picture they took of them all posing cheesily. Shōyō wasn’t the only one who cried over the picture,either,as both Asahi and Kōshi teared up over it. 

“That’s such a good gift,Tobio! How’d you think of something like that?” Daichi praised the boy,patting his head with a chuckle. 

“I just thought of what makes that dumbass happy..” Tobio said,clearly embarrassed at being praised. He was really happy that Shōyō liked the present,even though it didn’t show well on his face. “Also,I’ll allow limitless practice for the next week. As long as it’s the two of us,we’ll be fine.” He told Shōyō,making the shorter boy brighten up even more. 

Shōyō had to be driven home by Keishin that night,as his arms were too full of presents and his legs ached from practicing so much,but he had never been happier. 

**_Moving through this world as a two man team_ **

“We’re no longer teammates after today,right?” Shōyō asked him on the day of their graduation,making Tobio freeze. The tall boy nodded,though his heart felt like it was sinking further than ever. 

“Yeah.. From now on,we’re just rivals. There’s no ‘duo’ on a volleyball court when the two of us are going to different schools.” Tobio told him,clenching his fists. 

“It’s gonna be scary,don’t you think?” Shōyō asked him,his voice going quiet. The orange-haired boy had never been one to hide his fear,but he had only ever relied on Tobio for comfort when it came to things that genuinely terrified him. 

“No,no… Well,yeah.. From now on,things are going to be scary..” Tobio told him,sighing and rubbing the back of his neck. He had matured since his first year,but he was still a dork. “But as long as I’m standing on the court,I know I’ll see you again,because you’ll be standing on the opposite side of the net.” 

“Do you regret coming to Karasuno?” Shōyō asked him,making Tobio laugh. 

“You really are a dumbass if you think that I could..” The setter said. “Karasuno wasn’t a stepping stone.. It’s everything to me,but I can’t stop,and neither can you. We’re going to be fine,alright?” 

“Yeah.. Yeah,okay..” Shōyō said softly,staring down at his trembling hands. “We’re no longer a team,huh? No longer a ‘freak duo’.. It’s terrifying.”

“Don’t be a coward,you dumbass. You have to be strong.” Tobio said,patting his head without thinking. “Just calm down and breathe.” 

“But we’re not gonna be together anymore..” Shōyō said softly. 

“We’ve prepared for this for a year now,dumbass. You’ll be fine,and we’ll face one another on the court anyways. Just be strong.” Tobio said,watching as the other nodded reluctantly. 

Shōyō walked home that afternoon,in a fit of tears after turning in his jersey and saying goodbye to his teammates. 

**_I'll always have everything I need_ **

Tobio was genuinely terrified when he moved into his dorm room,the boy trembling as he walked up the steps. Carrying the box full of clothes,the boy just tried to calm himself. 

Entering the dorm room,he was delighted to meet his new roommate,Eiji. 

“Hello. I’m Kageyama Tobio.” Tobio greeted him,bowing a little. 

“I’m Shizuko Eiji,but you can just call me Eiji. It’s nice to meet you.” The boy said. He was a few inches shorter than the setter,but Tobio was intimidated by his presence immediately. “You’re here ‘cause of the volleyball team,right?” 

“How could you tell?” Tobio asked,his eyes widening. “Are you a psychic or something?” 

“Of course not! I saw you in the gym.” Eiji said,laughing. “What position do you play?”

“I’m a setter.” Tobio said,visibly relaxing at the fact that the other wasn’t a psychic. “Do you play? What’s your position?” 

“I’m a wing spiker.” Eiji said,grinning cheekily. “But I don’t know if we’ll be allowed to play this year,considering our new team is full of really good players.” 

“Do you wanna go practice?!” Tobio asked,his eyes lighting up now. “I heard the gym’s empty right now,so let’s go practice!” 

“But don’t you wanna unpack?” Eiji asked,laughing when Tobio just set the box on his bed and grabbed his wrist,dragging him out. 

Tobio was ecstatic when they made it to the gym,flipping the lights on and smirking as he looked at the floor. Setting everything up with Eiji’s help,Tobio smirked as he grabbed a ball. 

“I’ll give you the perfect toss.” Tobio said confidently,Eiji just grinning. 

“Then do your best,Tobio.” The spiker said,getting ready. 

Tobio was in shock when Eiji missed the spike,though he quickly realized it was because he was used to setting the ball for Shōyō. 

“Why would you set the ball like that? It was high,but it was low!” Eiji asked,making Tobio embarrassed. 

“Ah,my partner.. No,my old teammate was short,but he could fly,so..” The setter explained awkwardly. 

“He could fly? You sure you didn’t just mess up?” Eiji asked,raising an eyebrow as he leaned close to the boy to try and figure out if he was lying. 

“He could jump really high,and when he hit the ball it was like ‘wham!’ and ‘bam!’,so I guess I moved on instinct as if it was him I was setting to… We used to practice everyday,so I’m too used to it,I guess..” Tobio struggled to explain,sighing a little. “When he jumped,it was like he was flying.. Have you heard of Hinata Shōyō?” 

“Ah,you’re from Karasuno!? I saw you guys went to nationals for the last three years!” Eiji asked,his eyes lighting up. “Well,listen,I prefer it if you set the ball higher. No matter how high that Hinata kid can jump,I’m taller,so I need the ball to be higher.” 

“Of course.” Tobio said,frowning a little. “But don’t underestimate his flying.” 

“It’s not flying,it’s jumping.” Eiji pointed out,Tobio glaring at him. 

It took three missed attempts before Tobio recalibrated,finally tossing the ball to Eiji. The amount of power and precision Eiji spiked it down with made Tobio’s blood boil,the boy grabbing his arm without thinking. 

“What the hell have you been doing the last three years?!” The setter shouted,before his eyes widened when he realized he’d said a similar line to Shōyō. He apologized and released Eiji,who just tried to laugh it off.

Shōyō was on his way to becoming stronger,and Tobio was struggling to accept the fact that they really were apart. 

**_You don't even realize, what you mean_ **

“Wah,Kageyama!?” Shōyō shouted when he saw the boy walk into his school’s gym,shocked to see him. “Today’s the day for the practice match?!” 

“I’ll win once again today,dumbass.” Tobio said,smirking as he looked down at him. Shōyō just puffed out his cheeks at that,but before he could begin shouting at the other,Atsumu threw an arm around his shoulder. 

“Hey,don’t be bugging my spiker before a match.” The setter said,Tobio glaring. 

“Ah,Atsumu,I’m fine! I was just greeting him,and he said he’d win,so I was gonna tell him we’ll kick his ass.” Shōyō said,grinning. 

“Yeah,we’ll kick his ass and win because we’re all strong. Having one strong player on a weak team won’t help him.” Atsumu told the spiker,smirking at Tobio. 

“I’m not the only strong one! Don’t underestimate Eiji,he’s the better spiker!” Tobio snapped,flinching at his own words. 

“So you like him more than me?” Shōyō asked,staring at him. The only thing reflected in the boy’s eyes was Tobio,which made the setter anxious. 

“I didn’t mean it like that,but I don’t think either of you should underestimate my team..” Tobio told him,sighing. “You’re a wonderful spiker,dumbass,and you’re the ultimate decoy.” 

“Sure,whatever.. Let’s settle this on the court.” Shōyō said,Atsumu leading him back to their teammates. Tobio just retreated to his own teammates,sighing as he did. 

“So that’s the famous ‘Hinata Shōyō’ you’re always talking about? He’s adorable,like a little baby..” Eiji questioned,tilting his head to the side. 

“Be wary. He’s gonna take the game as seriously as the nationals,even if this is just a practice match.” Tobio told his teammates. 

Shōyō’s team lost,but Tobio didn’t feel like he had won when he saw the orange-haired boy apologizing to Atsumu for being a failure,and he definitely didn’t feel like he’d won after seeing how Atsumu hugged the spiker. 

**_No one can fall for you quite like me_ **

“Oi,Hinata,what’s your relationship with Atsumu like?” Tobio asked a week after their practice match. They had been on the phone for an hour already,but Tobio needed to put his heart at ease. 

“My relationship with him..? He’s an awesome setter,and he’s definitely nicer than you,but he can be kinda mean to the others,so he’s a bit scary sometimes.. He’s my setter,and I’m his spiker,so we have to work well together.” Shōyō explained. 

“Yeah,yeah.. But don’t you think he’s a bit too handsy…?” Tobio asked,sighing. “He’s weird,right? Like,he needs to back off a bit,right..?” 

“Well he is a little handsy,I guess..” Shōyō said,laughing. “But I don’t even hate it,so it’s not that big of a deal.” 

“That’s not the point! You shouldn’t be fine with someone other than me hugging you and picking you up like he did last week!” Tobio said,sighing. “Listen,why don’t you just tell him to back off?” 

“I won’t tell him to back off just because it makes _you_ uncomfortable. He’s just my friend,Kageyama,so I don’t know why you feel insecure when we’re not even dating.” Shōyō snapped. Tobio flinched at the tone in his voice,before he got pissed off and just hung up the phone. 

Shōyō went to bed pissed off that night,talking to Kenma about what he should do about Tobio.

**_No one can get me so perfectly_ **

_“Kageyama,look! It’s your birthday,right?! I had them put away in the teacher’s lounge thanks to Mr.Takeda,but I bought you all of this!” Shōyō told his boyfriend energetically,holding a giant box full of cartons of milk._

_“You bought all of this..?!” Tobio asked,his eyes sparkling from excitement._

_“Well all of us pitched in a bit of money,but I paid for almost all of it.. I also bought you a new hoodie,too,so let’s meet up at the park tonight!” Shōyō said energetically._

_“Of course.. Thanks,you dumbass..” Tobio said,unable to help himself from hugging his boyfriend._

_The school day passed by in what felt like a blur,before the boy was driven home by Keishin since he couldn’t carry the box all the way back. That night,he walked out to the park to meet up with Shōyō._

_“Ah,did I keep you waiting for long?” Tobio asked when he saw the boy sitting there,Shōyō shaking his head and grinning._

_“Nah,it’s fine! I wanted to give you this one away from everyone else,’cause it’s kinda embarrassing..” Shōyō muttered,his cheeks a light shade of pink. He held the bag out to him,not looking at him. Tobio pulled the hoodie out and looked down at it,before looking at Shōyō once again._

_“You bought us couples hoodies?” The setter asked,chuckling when Shōyō nodded. Slipping his jacket off,Tobio pulled the hoodie on,looking down at the ‘his setter’ that was printed on it. “Yours says ‘his spiker’,huh? It’s cute,especially the sleeves being so long.”_

_“Ah,I ordered mine a bit baggy ‘cause my mom said it was better and you don’t have to wear it out very often or anything,but I just thought that maybe you’d like it..” Shōyō rambled,Tobio just leaning down and kissing him before pulling away with a chuckle._

_“You’re cute when you’re flustered.” He told his boyfriend,who just looked away with bright red cheeks._

_Both boys had returned home wearing their hoodies,Tobio’s mother just laughing when she saw how happy her son looked that he had something matching his boyfriend._

**_You don't even realize (Ooh)_ **

_“Kageyama,what makes you happy?” Shōyō asked curiously while they snuggled,Tobio just pulling him closer._

_“You and volleyball.. I guess not being alone makes me happy..” Tobio said softly,burying his face in the orange hair. “I don’t like being left behind..”_

_“I promise I won’t ever leave you behind.” Shōyō said,pressing closer to his boyfriend and relaxing. The boy had come over to ‘study’,but they had ended up just cuddling instead._

_“As if you’re ahead of me.” Tobio chuckled. “You’re far behind me,but I’m not leaving you behind.”_

_“Hey! I’m trying to be romantic here,and you’re ruining it!” Shōyō whined,making the setter laugh and ‘apologize’._

_“What,you’re pouting now..? I’m sorry,okay..? You look cute when you pout,so don’t make that face.” Tobio told him,rolling over and pulling him with him so Shōyō was laying on top of him. “You’re so adorable..”_

_“I’m not adorable in the slightest!” Shōyō whined,puffing out his cheeks as he glared childishly at his boyfriend._

_“You’re the absolute cutest,even if you’re too dumb to realize it!” Tobio said,making Shōyō blush even more._

_Both boys had spent that night cuddling,talking about anything they could think of._

**_You're all that I need_ **

“Tobio,wake up! We have to get to class!” Eiji said as he shook the setter,who just let out a groan. 

“Eiji,let me sleep!” Tobio growled out,glaring as best as he could in his half-asleep state. He wanted to go back to dreaming about Shōyō,the boy too lazy to get up. 

“If you don’t get up right now,I’ll pour your milk outside.” Eiji threatened,the setter sitting up immediately and sighing. 

“Why are you such a pain?” Tobio asked,raising an eyebrow. 

“Oh shut up! If I wasn’t here,you’d just skip classes,sleep,and go to volleyball practice.” Eiji told him,flicking his forehead. “Now get ready,your hair is a mess.” 

“Yeah,yeah.. But I’d still go to class even if you weren’t around..” Tobio muttered,Eiji elbowing him. 

“It amazes me that you have ever had a boyfriend who could put up with your stubbornness in the morning..” The spiker sighed,Tobio just glaring before he began to get ready for the day. 

Tobio was extra harsh on Eiji during practice that day,annoyed that he had ever brought Shōyō up. 

**_'Cause I want you and me, you and me_ **

“Hey,Tobio,name three things you love!” Eiji said one day,sipping on his beer. 

“You have to name three things first,then!” Tobio said,taking a large swig of his own beer. He didn’t like the taste,but he wasn’t one to back down from a bet,and the two were competing to see who could last the longest. 

“I love books,volleyball,and sleep!” Eiji listed,smirking. “Your turn!” 

“I love volleyball,my family,and Hinata!” Tobio told him,smirking. “The three best things on earth!” 

“You really think that highly of your old spiker?” Eiji asked,raising an eyebrow. 

“Of course! He’s my ex boyfriend,but he’s also my rival.” Tobio reminded him.

“Yeah,yeah,but he lost to us horribly back during the practice match.. How can you call someone that horrible your rival? You two aren’t even on the same level.” Eiji muttered,Tobio grabbing him by the collar and yanking him towards himself roughly. 

“He’s on the same level as me! You’ve never played him in an actual match,let alone played on the same team as him,so shut the hell up!” The setter shouted,making the spiker flinch. 

Tobio went to bed drunk that night,and woke up the next day with a massive hangover and little memory of what had happened. 

**_I know one day we'll look back_ **

“Shōyō,you should slow down on the alcohol.” Atsumu warned the small spiker,who just kept drinking. 

“I actually like the taste!” The orange-haired boy said,giggling. He was already half-drunk,dragging thoughts to the surface that he didn’t have much control over. “I still love him,you know?” He asked,staring up at his new setter. 

“Yes,I know,but why are you bringing him up? Shouldn’t you be focusing more on me?” Atsumu asked,unable to stop himself from feeling like Shōyō didn’t even consider him as a possibility. He was too competitive to just lose to Tobio without a fight,but the boy in front of him never seemed to look at him the same way he looked at Tobio. 

“I can’t stop thinking about him.. I thought he’d be mine forever..” Shōyō whimpered out,laying his head on the table and staring at the wood in silence. He was starting to feel sleepy,his eyelids drooping down as he tried to fight off sleep. “But he’s already moved on..” 

“I don’t think he’s dating someone,though..” Atsumu told him,staring down at him with a sigh. 

“That spiker of his.. Likes him..” Shōyō mumbled out,dozing off on accident. Atsumu just watched over him in silence,feeling like shit. He couldn’t make the boy as happy as Tobio could,and the idea of Shōyō being abandoned made him anxious. 

After a while of just sitting there in silence,Atsumu picked his spiker up and laid him in bed,pulling the blanket over him and kissing his forehead before flicking the lights off as he left the dorm room. 

Shōyō was left alone in his dorm,his dreams plagued by memories of the times he had spent with Tobio. 

**_Stories on the tip of our tongues_ **

“Bubby,when are you gonna come by to visit again?” Natsu asked as she looked up at her older brother. 

“I’m sorry that I can’t visit often,but I should be able to come by again in another month or two.” Shōyō said,chuckling as he picked her up. He absolutely adored his little sister,thinking she was the cutest kid ever. “How about I tell you a story?” 

“What about?” Natsu asked curiously,tilting her head to the side. 

“How about the story of a prince who fell in love with another prince?” Shōyō asked,chuckling when she nodded energetically. Carrying her upstairs and into his room,he set her down on his bed,which was covered in the stuffed volleyballs Kenma had gotten him. 

“Is it gonna be about you and uncle Tobio..?” Natsu asked curiously,hugging one of the stuffed volleyballs adorably. 

“No,this story.. This story has a bit of a different feel.” Shōyō told her,ruffling her hair. “You can’t interrupt me when I’m telling you it,okay?” 

“I promise I’ll stay quiet!” Natsu said,pretending to zip her lips. 

“Alright,alright,I’ll trust you.” Shōyō said,chuckling as he took a deep breath and began to tell the story. “A long,long,long time ago,there was a little boy. He loved to wander around,and he got lost often because of that.. One day,he got lost in this super big forest,with trees as tall as skyscrapers and leaves like emeralds. Wandering through the forest,he began to get scared,feeling like he was all alone.. He wandered and wandered until his feet ached and cramped,and he walked further and further into the forest in hopes of seeing sunlight. He found a clearing and collapsed onto a rock,crying about the fact that his royal guards had failed to find him so far. ‘A prince can’t be lost! He’s too important to be lost!’ The boy thought to himself.. An hour later,another little boy walked into the clearing,covered in scrapes and bruises from falling into a ditch. He was gripping a little crown in his hands,which scared the first boy since the other could only be the prince of their neighboring kingdom. His father had always warned him of the monsters that lurked in their neighboring kingdom,but the boy in front of him looked just as afraid as he felt,so he didn’t think he could be a monster.” Shōyō told her. 

Shōyō spent his day home telling stories to his sister,weaving a fairytale that had her eyes sparkling. 

**_A library full of pages_ **

“Shōyō,how come you’ve been going to the library so often recently?” Atsumu asked,raising an eyebrow. It had been a week since Shōyō had gone home to visit his family,and the boy had yet to miss a day at the library since then. 

“My little sister wanted me to tell her another story next time I visit,so I wanted to get some inspiration.. Since I can’t go home that often,I want to make the visits special.” Shōyō explained,smiling as he held the books tightly. 

“But you don’t strike me as the reading type..” Atsumu muttered,chuckling. “Well,I guess if it’s for Natsu,you can’t help it,huh?” 

“Of course I can’t help it,she’s too adorable! She fell asleep on my bed after I told her a story,and apparently she’s been complaining to my mom about how she wants to see me again.” Shōyō said,grinning. “So I have to read as many books as I can,so I can tell her a story that’ll make her really happy!” 

Shōyō spent his time studying,reading,and practicing,trying his best to come up with a story that would make Natsu happy. 

**_Remembering when we fell in love_ **

Sitting in class,Tobio found himself unable to think of anything besides Shōyō all over again. The memories plagued him like a murder of crows,plucking at his insecurities and squawking to distract him. 

_“Ka.. Kage.. Kageyama,I like you!” Shōyō had shouted halfway into their second year of highschool,his cheeks bright red._

_“Hah? Oi,that’s not funny! Is that why you’ve been so weird lately?” Tobio asked,raising an eyebrow._

_“I’m completely serious! I’m in love with you!” Shōyō said,his face burning from embarrassment. “So please go out with me!”_

_“Go out with you..? I don’t really know what you’re thinking right now,but you acting like this is embarrassing,don’t you think?” Tobio asked,sighing as he tried to work out his thoughts._

_“Of course it’s embarrassing,but Tadashi said that I have to get it off my chest.. And you like me back,right? So let’s go out on a date!” Shōyō told him,rubbing the back of his neck as he looked up at him. “I don’t think I can just ignore this feeling anymore..”_

_“I.. Fine,we can go out on one date,but you have to stop liking me afterwards,got it?” Tobio sighed,his face burning as he looked away._

After that day,one date led to many others. 

**_All of the broken hearts and the stupid mistakes_ **

_“How are we lost!?” Shōyō had asked his boyfriend a month after they had begun dating,staring at him with a pout._

_“It’s because you can’t read a map properly!” Tobio snapped,sighing as he looked around. “We need to find someone and ask them for help.”_

_“You’re the one with the map,Stupidyama! I just wanted to see the tigers!” Shōyō growled,glaring up at him. Tobio grabbed him by the collar and jerked him up to his height angrily._

_“You have been annoying me all morning! What the hell is your problem?!” The setter snarled out._

_“It’s because we’ve been dating for a month now and you won’t even hold my hand! That’s so stupid,you Stupidyama!” Shōyō snapped,pulling away. “So of course I’ve been annoying you!”_

_“Oh shut up! We’re in public,so why would we hold hands?” Tobio sighed,before just shaking his head. “I’m going to try and figure out where we are,so just stay here.”_

_“Whatever.” Shōyō muttered,flopping down on the bench angrily as he watched Tobio walk away from him._

_When Tobio returned nearly twenty minutes later,Shōyō was no longer sitting on the bench. Sighing,Tobio began to try and hunt him down._

_It took him an hour to find Shōyō,who was sitting next to the panda enclosure and watching the baby pandas in silence. Tobio was absolutely livid,shouting at him in front of everyone for wandering off and making him worry._

_“So you can make a scene,but we can’t hold hands?” Shōyō asked him,puffing out his cheeks._

_“You walked off because I wouldn’t hold your hand? Fuck’s sake,Hinata,you had me worried! If it’s such a big deal to you,we can hold hands whenever,alright? Just don’t go wandering off.” Tobio snapped,making Shōyō perk up and grin._

_“Thanks,Kageyama!” The spiker said cheekily._

After that day,Tobio always held hands with Shōyō when they went on dates,even if people stared. 

**_Have got us to where we are, it was worth all the pain_ **

“Hey,we rented this place out to meet up with everyone,right?” Shōyō asked Kōshi,who nodded. “Then how come nobody else is here yet?” The spiker asked as he looked around the empty café. 

“Well Daichi’s just not getting off of work,and I’m not sure if Tobio’s showing up or not,but everyone other than Yū should be showing up.” Kōshi said,chuckling. 

“When is Noya coming back?” Shōyō asked,tilting his head to the side curiously. 

“Ah,he said sometime this year. Asahi’s ready to have him come home,but you know how he is.” Kōshi told him,laughing a bit. 

“Ah,it’s Kiyoko and Tanaka.” Shōyō muttered when the two entered. 

Soon enough,the room was full of his old teammates,everyone talking and laughing. Tobio was the only one Shōyō was desperate to see,but he didn’t see him yet.

When Tobio finally did show up,Shōyō punched him in the stomach as hard as he could,bringing the setter to his knees and making the others fall silent and stare in shock. 

“Oww! What the hell?!” Tobio asked,gripping his stomach as he tried to calm himself down. 

“You deserve that! I’m never gonna love anyone other than you,Stupidyama!” Shōyō shouted,Kōshi smirking as he watched. 

“Is that you confessing that you’re still in love with him,Shōyō?” The older setter teased,Shōyō shaking his head. 

“I’ve never stopped loving him,but I’m not gonna date him! When I beat him in an official match,I plan on dating him again! And after I win two gold medals,I plan on marrying him!” Shōyō declared,Tobio just growling and glaring. 

“As if I’d let you beat me! I’ll beat you in an official match,and then we’ll date again! And when _I_ win _three_ gold medals,I might just consider marrying your dumbass!” Tobio shouted as he stood up,the two glaring at one another childishly. The others all laughed at their ‘declaration of war’. 

“So either way,you two are gonna start dating again?” Kōshi asked,smirking. 

“Of course we are! He’s mine!” The idiot duo yelled in unison,before glaring at one another once again. 

Both boys had a day full of laughter,glad they had come to a mutual understanding through dumbass moves. 

**_Yeah we'll look back, we'll look back and laugh_ **

“So you’re telling me you punched him,and that after we win against him in an official match,you two are gonna start dating again?” Atsumu asked Shōyō,who nodded. “What the hell? So you two fought over the phone,and now you’re fine with getting back together with him?” 

“We talk all the time on the phone,and we’ll have to pretty much date exclusively over the phone until we both graduate,but yeah,I’m fine with dating him again.. He and I have already talked it out,Atsumu.” Shōyō said,laughing and rubbing the back of his neck. “I wish we’d never broken up in the first place,but we only did it because neither of us were ready to be separated..” 

“What the hell does that even mean,Shōyō?! Do you really think the two of you will work out?” Atsumu asked,starting to get angry. 

“We weren’t ready to be rivals,even though we’ve been rivals since we met! We’d been on the same team for so long that we weren’t able to have enough anger to face one another on the court! I love him,and he loves me,but we need to sort out who’s better on the court before we can face those feelings again.” Shōyō explained,sighing. “I’d been thinking since he and I first broke up,but I’m not very smart,so the last time he and I fought I realized that we’re both saving ourselves for when we’re ready to face one another again,so we’re both still in love with one another.. The only thing I could think of that would satisfy both of us completely is if we get back together after one of us loses.” 

“Don’t date someone like him! He’s not worth getting your heart broken all over again!” Atsumu snapped,grabbing him by the shoulders. “Why put yourself through this?!” 

“I love him! He could do damn near anything to me and I’d still love him! It’s not because of some stupid ‘love is unconditional’ reason,it’s because I know he’s trying his best,just ilke I am! If he’s genuinely trying his best to love me as best as he can,then I have no right to half-ass it!” Shōyō shouted back at him,shoving him back. “Atsumu,thank you for everything,but please don’t tell me how to live my life!” 

“Why won’t you look at me,or anyone else for that matter,the way you look at him!?” Atsumu asked angrily. “What the hell is so special about him?!” 

“Everything! The way he calls me a ‘dumbass’ when he gets embarrassed or even a little upset,the way he looks when he’s first waking up,and the way that his hand feels in mine! The way he says my name when he’s happy,and the way he pats my head when he’s worried.. The way he’s so gentle and kind to me when he’s happy,and the way that he looks when he’s playing volleyball..” Shōyō listed,his eyes filling with tears. “The look on his face when he admits something he’s scared of,like being abandoned again,and the expression on his face when he realizes I mean it when I say I won’t leave him.. Atsumu,I love everything about him,even the shittiest parts of him,and that can’t change.. This isn’t for him,it’s for me.. I’m at his mercy completely..” He told him honestly,Atsumu just staring at him in shock. 

“If.. If he ever hurts you again,I’ll kill him.” The setter said,sighing and hugging him tightly. “I’m sorry for yelling and making you say that kind of stuff,Shōyō,but please never let him hurt you..” 

“He’s trying his best,Atsumu..” Shōyō said softly,slowly hugging back. “I know he’s always going to be there for me..” 

“Alright,then.. I’ll trust that you’re able to choose things for yourself..” Atsumu said,realizing he’d completely lost to Tobio in every way possible. Nobody could beat Tobio when it came to capturing Shōyō’s heart. 

**_As long as I got you and me_ **

“So you’re gonna date him again,whether we win or lose,after our official match against them?” Eiji asked,Tobio nodding calmly. “And you think that’s a good idea why..?” 

“I don’t know if it’s a good idea or not,but we’re gonna date again.” Tobio said,staring at him calmly. 

“Why would you get back with him after dumping him?” Eiji asked,sighing. 

“I only broke up with him to push him along. We’re in rival schools,so I knew we’d have to face one another on the court,and you can be friends with your rival,but you can’t be lovers.” Tobio told the boy calmly,making Eiji groan. 

“You’re sure about this?” Eiji asked,already knowing the answer as he asked the question. 

“Yep.” Tobio answered calmly. “Let’s get back to focusing on studying.” 

“And what if I said I loved you?” Eiji asked,staring at him. 

“I would turn you down. I love everything about that dumbass.” Tobio said. 

“What’s so special about him,Tobio? What makes you love him so much?” Eiji asked,clenching his fists. 

“What’s special about him..?” Tobio repeated,before laughing. “He’s the sun,Eiji. He’s a crow that flew into the sky and turned into the sun,but his wings didn’t burn up. When he jumps,he flies. When he laughs,he shines. When he smiles,he lights up a room. When he’s scared,he’s honest about it,but he’s only extremely vulnerable in front of me. He pushes himself too hard sometimes,but he does it with a smile the entire time. He loves volleyball more than anything,and he uses his height and speed to his advantage. When he cries,I can’t help but feel like shit,even if it has nothing to do with me. When he’s shoving his face full of food and gets rice on his cheek,he looks absolutely adorable. Everything about that moron makes him unbelievably special to me.” 

“All of that..?” Eiji asked,staring at him in shock. He had never heard Tobio so passionate,and it made his heart ache. 

“Every bit of it,and even more. The fact that he talks in his sleep when he’s anxious about something,and that he gets upset if I move away from him when we cuddle,is adorable. The fact that he hides behind people when he’s intimidated,but that he’ll still try to fight people even when he’s afraid,shows just how strong he is.” Tobio said,sighing. Eiji just nodded,realizing and accepting the fact that nobody could beat Shōyō when it came to capturing Tobio’s heart. 

**_Moving through this world as a two man team_ **

“I told you… I would win… Stupidyama!” Shōyō shouted from the other side of the net,panting and collapsing onto the court. Their teams had been battling to get match point for a long time,and their rally had been ridiculously long,so every member of both teams was now exhausted. A few others had collapsed as well,sitting on the ground as they panted,struggling to catch their breath. 

“Shut.. it.. You dumbass…” Tobio panted,barely able to keep himself upright. “You only won.. because of your teammates..” 

“Volleyball is a team sport.. Stupidyama.. Of course _we_ won.” Shōyō said,laughing a bit as he looked over at him. “We’ve all been practicing hard.. Just to beat you guys..” He said,forcing himself to his feet with Atsumu’s help. Lining up at the net,Shōyō stuck his hand out,staring at Eiji. “I beat you.” He said. 

“I knew you’d beat me when it came to Tobio,so I was hoping to take revenge here,but we lost fair and square.” Eiji told him,shaking his hand with a chuckle. 

“We beat you,so you have to take care of him,Tobio. If he cries again because of you,I’ll hurt you.” Atsumu said as he stuck his hand out,his expression completely serious. 

“Yeah,he’s mine. He’ll cry because he’s a crybaby,but I’ll be the one drying his tears.” Tobio said,smirking at him as he shook his hand. “ _We_ lost,but _I_ won.”

“That you did.” Atsumu said,glaring at him coldly. “But he’s still my spiker for another three years. That’s plenty of time for you to screw up and for me to take him back.” 

“Good luck with that.” Tobio said as he pulled his hand away with a smirk. When Shōyō came to shake his hand,Tobio ducked under the next and kissed him in front of everyone,his cheeks heating up when he heard Kōshi and Tōru cheering from the stands. He hadn’t even realized the other setters were there to cheer them on,so he was completely flustered. Shōyō pulled back with red cheeks,the other fans not sure how to react. Even the announcer had fallen completely silent in shock. “I still won.” 

“I guess you did,Stupidyama.” Shōyō said with red cheeks,retreating to his teammates. Tobio just went back to his own team with a cocky smirk,his heart swelling with pride and embarrassment. Looking to the stands,he gave Kōshi and Tōru a thumbs-up,the duo returning the gesture. 

The boys began to date after that day,much to the annoyance of both Eiji and Atsumu. 

**_I'll always have everything I need_ **

“Shōyō,who are you texting now?” Atsumu asked the boy with a sigh. It had been two weeks since their win against Tobio,but Shōyō had been acting weird. 

“Ah,I’m texting Kenma. He’s really upset that I’m back with Kageyama,so the last two weeks he’s been threatening to come here and beat the crap out of him.” Shōyō said cheerfully. 

“Isn’t he the super skinny setter you showed me a picture of? The one that looks like pudding?” Atsumu asked,laughing when the boy nodded. “Do you really think he could even reach Tobio’s face?” 

“Ah,you’ve never spoken to Tetsurō,have you? He’s pretty tall,and he’s terrified of Kenma. Nearly everyone I’ve ever met that has known Kenma for a long time has said that Kenma is super scary when he gets upset.” Shōyō told him cheerfully. “When I told him,he told me that he’d freeze all of Kageyama’s cards and that he’d get him kicked out of his college if he hurt me again,so I know he’s angry.” 

“So what,he’s some sort of hacker or something?” Atsumu asked,a bit thrown off by the idea of some scrawny ‘cat’ being so scary. 

“Nope! He’s just good at getting his way,and he says he’s never been caught doing anything bad before.” Shōyō said cheerfully,Atsumu genuinely terrified. 

“So he’s done horrible things like that before?” The setter asked,Shōyō just giggling. 

“I dunno,has he? Kenma doesn’t tell me much about things outside of gaming and hanging out.” The spiker said,shrugging with a grin. “Anyways,I’m gonna call Kageyama,so I’m going outside.” He added as he walked out of the gym and dialed Tobio’s number. 

“What took you so long,dumbass?” Tobio asked as he picked up on the second ring,sighing. “How has your day been so far?” 

“Ah,sorry. Atsumu and I were talking about Kenma being upset about us getting back together and everything,so I didn’t call you on time.. And my day has been good,how about yours?” Shōyō said cheerfully,glad that his boyfriend had picked up so quickly. 

“It’s been alright,I guess.. Eiji missed a few spikes during practice,though,so he pissed me off quite a bit today.” Tobio said,chuckling. “Anyways,do you wanna maybe meet up for a date this weekend? It’s fine if you don’t have the time,but I was thinking that we’re long overdue for a proper date.” 

“Of course! Our last date was to the park for a picnic,so how about we go somewhere fun? I heard there’s a festival in a town nearby.” Shōyō offered happily,Tobio nodding before realizing the other couldn’t see. 

“Sounds like a plan.. I’ve gotta go,but call me tomorrow,okay? Love you.” Tobio said,annoyed at the fact that he still needed to clean up the gym after practice. 

“Same time tomorrow,then.” Shōyō said cheerfully. “I love you too!” He added before hanging up,feeling completely at ease now. 

Shōyō was on cloud nine for the rest of the afternoon,while Tobio was noticeably happier than he had been before they had gotten back together. 

**_You don't even realize, what you mean_ **

“Why are you wearing that..?” Tobio asked,his face a light shade of pink. The day of their date had finally arrived,but he hadn’t expected Shōyō to show up in the ‘his spiker’ hoodie. 

“Well you’re wearing the matching one,so shut up! We’re holding hands all day today,got it? I don’t wanna get separated.” Shōyō told him,blushing. The two dorks just stared at one another,before they both began to laugh. 

“Geez,I guess this is what Suga means when he said that we’re practically the same person..” Tobio said,chuckling a bit. 

“The fact that we managed to match outfits without trying definitely _is_ hilarious.” Shōyō said. “Anyways,are you ready to get on the train?”

“Of course I am,dumbass.” Tobio said,holding his hand out. “The question is whether or not you’re ready for a date that’ll blow your socks off.” 

“Of course I am!” Shōyō said,grabbing his hand. He pulled the boy into the train station excitedly,the duo soon getting on the train. Flopping down in seats beside one another,Shōyō leaned into Tobio,who pretended to be annoyed about it. 

“You really shouldn’t be so cuddly..” Tobio muttered,looking away from him. The few stares they got didn’t bug him,as he had gotten over that fear back when they were still just highschoolers. 

“I just wanna snuggle because I haven’t seen you in person since the match,so get over it.” Shōyō said,completely relaxed. 

“Yeah,yeah..” Tobio muttered. “Just shut up and shut your eyes.” He said,knowing the other was tired. Shōyō was fast asleep within minutes,and Tobio soon fell asleep as well. 

“Kageyama! Kageyama,wake up! We have to get off,it’s our stop!” Shōyō said,shaking his boyfriend. Tobio groaned as he woke up,looking up at him in a daze. After sleeping for an hour on the train,he was too comfortable to be fully aware of what the other was even trying to say. 

“Snuggles..” The setter muttered tiredly,pulling the boy down once again. 

“No,we’re not at my house or yours! We have to get off!” Shōyō whined,Tobio waking up enough to let go of him and stand up. 

“Ah,shit.. Let’s go,then..” He said,grabbing Shōyō’s hand and getting off the train with him. Shōyō was flustered about what had happened,but he followed his boyfriend in silence. 

When the duo made it to the festival,Shōyō was absolutely amazed. The lights that danced throughout the gathering glittered and glowed like fairies,though everyone seemed to pay them no mind. 

“They’re so pretty!” The spiker said excitedly,Tobio just chuckling as he stayed close to him. 

“I guess so.” The setter said simply,staring at the lights calmly. 

The duo spent hours walking around the festival,buying all sorts of funny and cute things. Shōyō bought them matching bracelets,also getting Tobio a stuffed carton of milk. Tobio bought them matching pins for their bags,also getting Shōyō a stuffed ‘shadow dog’. 

“How come you bought me something so cute?” Shōyō asked curiously. 

“My last name means ‘shadow mountain’,so I thought a ‘shadow dog’ would be a good present for you.. You bought me a stuffed milk carton because I love milk,right? So I wanted to buy you something similar to what you love,which is me.” Tobio told him,Shōyō just laughing and thanking him as he held the stuffed animal happily. 

Shōyō and Tobio were both reminded of how much they were absolutely smitten with each-other that day. 

**_No one can fall for you quite like me_ **

Two months after they had begun dating again,the duo decided to move into an apartment together so they could see one another more often,much to the annoyance of their teammates. Despite the resistance from their teammates,the duo insisted on moving in with each-other,renting a small and crappy apartment that was an hour away from both of their schools.  
“Hey,how come Kei didn’t show up?” Shōyō asked Tadashi,who just shrugged. 

“I know you called to ask both of us for help,but Tsukki’s never really in the mood to leave the house.” Tadashi said as he carried the box,Shōyō nodding.

“How long have you two been dating now?” The spiker asked curiously. 

“Around a month. I’m gonna make a cake when I go home for our one month anniversary,but he probably hasn’t even been paying attention to the time.” Tadashi said,laughing.

“How can you be so happy around Kei? He’s so salty and rude all the time..” Shōyō asked,staring up at him curiously. 

“How can you be so happy around Tobio? He’s so dorky and loud all the time.” Tadashi asked,smirking at him. “Both of us love our respective idiots,so there doesn’t need to be some special reason for why we’re happy. Just being around Tsukki makes me happy.”

“I guess so.. But if Kei hurts you,I’ll kick his butt!” Shōyō told the boy,grinning cheekily. 

“And if Tobio hurts you,I’ll kick his butt.” Tadashi said,laughing a bit when Tobio told them to focus on unpacking the boxes. 

It took nearly all night for them to finish unpacking everything,Tadashi spending the night since it was too dark outside for him to walk home.

The next day,Shōyō spent the morning talking to Tobio until they both had to go to school,annoyed that they had to separate. 

**_No one can get me so perfectly_ **

“Kageyama,Tadashi’s in the hospital!” Shōyō had shouted into the phone after he had called his boyfriend. 

“What are you talking about,you dumbass?” Tobio asked,sighing a bit. “Hinata,I’m in the middle of practice. That’s not a funny joke,you know?” 

“I’m not joking! Kei called Suga,and apparently Tadashi’s been hospitalized.. Suga called me and told me to tell you so we could get to the hospital.” Shōyō explained,sighing. “Listen,meet me at the apartment,okay? We’ll go there together.” 

“Yeah,alright. I’ll be there soon,just be careful on your way home.” Tobio said,soon hanging up the phone. He changed into his normal clothes in the locker room,leaving practice early and going back to their apartment. 

After nearly an hour and a half,the duo arrived at the hospital,Tobio in absolute shock when he saw how pale Kei looked. Shōyō was the one brave enough to approach the boy,who was trembling as he gripped onto Kōshi. 

“Kei,are you alright?” The spiker asked softly,Kei looking at him and sniffling. The blond was a mess,but Shōyō didn’t panic like he usually would. “Tadashi’s super tough,so I’m sure he’s gonna be fine!” He said,grinning. Kei just began to cry again,Shōyō panicking at that. Tobio squeezed his boyfriend’s hand comfortingly,not sure what to say. Realizing they’d be no help in calming Kei down,they retreated around the corner,where they witnessed Tōru cursing at Hajime. They watched in silence as the setter slapped the other boy,and they didn’t try to interfere when Tōru stomped by them to return to Kei’s side. 

“I don’t feel sorry for you.” Shōyō told Hajime,who just glared. “You deserve that for making him look so sad this whole time.” He added,Tobio just nodding in silence. Although Tobio didn’t particularly consider Tōru his friend,he knew that the other setter had become a mess because of Hajime,so he couldn’t bring himself to speak up for the boy. When Hajime stomped by them,Shōyō finally relaxed,sighing in relief now that the rest of the group had returned to Kei’s side. “That was terrifying..” 

“Yeah.” Tobio muttered,squeezing his boyfriend’s hand tighter before hearing the doctor call for Tadashi’s visitors. 

**_You don't even realize (Ooh)_ **

“Tadashi’s being released today,right?” Shōyō asked nearly two weeks after his friend’s hospitalization,Tobio just nodding. “Then let’s go meet up with him!” 

“Don’t you think we should wait a few more days before we bug them? Tadashi’s gonna need a lot of rest to heal up,so he’ll probably be exhausted.” Tobio asked,raising an eyebrow. 

“Ah,I’m an idiot! Of course Tadashi needs to rest today!” Shōyō muttered,sighing. “Thanks,Kageyama! I would’ve gone and bugged him today if it weren’t for you!” 

“Yeah,yeah..” The setter said,kissing his boyfriend’s forehead. 

**_You're all that I need 'cause I want_ **

“Uncle Tobio,you owe bubby a big apology!” Natsu scolded the boy one day during a visit to Shōyō’s house,Tobio nodding. 

“I know,and I’ve been apologizing,Natsu.” Tobio said,chuckling a little. The little girl kicked him in the knee,glaring up at him. 

“It’s not funny! Bubby’s special,so you have to apologize! The prince should never act like a villain!” Natsu snapped,making Shōyō panic and get flustered at his sister’s words. 

“The prince..? Why am I a prince..?” Tobio asked her,raising an eyebrow. 

“Bubby always tells me fairytales,but he never calls you his knight in shining armor,so you have to be his prince!” Natsu told him,grinning now.

“Oh really? Then I’d love to hear one of these fairytales.” Tobio said,smirking a bit at how embarrassed Shōyō looked. “Won’t you tell us a story,Hinata?” He teased,Natsu begging her brother to tell them a fairytale. Shōyō gave in quickly,unable to deny his adorable little sister the stories she craved to hear. 

**_You, you, you and me, me, me together_ **

Shōyō Hinata and Tobio Kageyama were nothing more than an ‘idiot duo’. 

**_Oh I want you, you, you and me, me, me forever_ **

Shōyō Hinata and Tobio Kageyama were nothing more than a prince and a prince. 

**_You and me, you and me_ **

Shōyō Hinata and Tobio Kageyama were nothing more than an average couple. 

**_You and me, you and me_ **

Shōyō Hinata and Tobio Kageyama were nothing more than two sides of the same coin. 

**_You and me, you and me_ **

Shōyō Hinata and Tobio Kageyama were nothing more than any other rivals. 

**_You and me, you and me_ **

Shōyō Hinata and Tobio Kageyama were nothing more than everything to each-other. 

**_As long as I got you and me_ **

Shōyō Hinata was ‘completely useless’ without Tobio Kageyama,but Tobio himself knew that Shōyō was one of the strongest people he’d ever met. 

**_Moving through this world as a two man team_ **

Shōyō Hinata was a complete wreck without Tobio Kageyama,but Natsu herself knew that Shōyō would never be abandoned by Tobio again. 

**_I'll always have everything I need_ **

Shōyō Hinata was only the ‘perfect player’ when he had Tobio as his setter,but Atsumu himself could never admit that fact aloud. 

**_You don't even realize, what you mean_ **

Shōyō Hinata was only able to smile the brightest and sparkle like the sun when Tobio was by his side,but Kenma himself couldn’t quite accept that fact. 

**_No one can fall for you quite like me_ **

Shōyō Hinata was only able to move forward in volleyball because he had met Tobio,but Tobio himself could never accept that as a possibility. 

**_No one can get me so perfectly_ **

Shōyō Hinata was completely enamored with everything Tobio Kageyama did,but Shōyō himself could never admit such a fact aloud except through ‘I love you’s. 

**_You don't even realize_ ** **_  
_** Tobio Kageyama knew that he was completely useless without Shōyō Hinata,and that he’d never be the same after meeting him. 

**_You're all that I need 'cause I want_ **

Tobio Kageyama knew that Shōyō had an army of friends who would hurt him if he screwed up,and that he’d gladly let them hurt him if he ever hurt Shōyō. 

**_You, you, you and me, me, me together_ **

Tobio Kageyama knew that Shōyō meant the whole world to him,and that he’d spend his whole life loving the boy. 

**_You and me, you and me_ **

Tobio Kageyama knew that he would always be on the same court as Shōyō,whether they were on opposite sides of the net or not. 

**_Oh I want you, you, you and me, me, me forever_ **

Tobio Kageyama knew that he would always be in love with his lover,and he trusted that Shōyō would always be in love with him as well. 

**_You and me, you and me_ **

Tobio Kageyama knew that he would always be ‘Shōyō Hinata’s Setter’,and that ‘Tobio Kageyama’s spiker’ could only ever be his boyfriend. 


	6. Lamentations of The Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since many of the fanfics I have seen are usually about Daichi and Suga just being cinnamon rolls,I decided to completely destroy that idea! This chapter revolves around the DaiSuga relationship that fell apart because of Daichi’s cheating! It also deals with the Oikawa and Iwaizumi relationship heavily,and makes mentions of the other relationships. I think I’m gonna stop writing this fic and pursue xReader! stories instead since I’m a bit more confident in them. If this story gets enough love and a bunch of people want me to continue it,then I probably will,but I’m not that keen on continuing it at the moment. The song for this chapter is ‘Six Degrees of Separation’ by The Script,so credit goes to them!

**_You've read the books_ **

The first time Kōshi had cried after his break-up with Daichi,it had been while he was reading a book. 

The tears had happened suddenly,and had shocked the boy. His roommate,who had now been living with him for nearly two years,was desperate to calm him down. 

“Kōshi,what do you want for dinner?” Tōru asked as he looked over at his roommate,who just shrugged and kept reading. 

“I’m not really hungry.” Kōshi said after a few minutes of silence.

“You didn’t eat much yesterday,either.. Do you want to talk about it?” Tōru asked worriedly,knowing he couldn’t force the other to speak about it too much. It had only been a few days since Kōshi had found out about Daichi’s cheating,and Tōru was anxious since the boy had gone ‘numb’. 

“I’m fine.” Kōshi said,not even looking at him for a second. “Order whatever you want.” 

“Alright.. I’m gonna run out and get some snacks then,okay?” Tōru asked nervously as he stood up. As he walked towards the door,he reached his hand over and ruffled his roommate’s hair,trying his best to comfort the boy. Kōshi just pushed his hand away,Tōru sighing and walking out of the apartment to head to the store. 

Kōshi returned all of his attention to his book,confusion filling him as he stared down at the pages. The words all seemed blurred now,his vision twisted from the tears that had fillled his eyes. He reached up and pressed his hand against his face,his eyes widening when he felt the tears that rolled onto his hand. He had been trying to block everything out,but he suddenly couldn’t,and that terrified him. 

“Fuck..” The ex-setter whispered breathlessly,just covering his eyes with his arm and leaning his head back into the couch cushions. “Fuck,fuck,fuck! Fuck!” He repeated the curses,running his other hand through his hair as he took a few deep breaths to calm himself.

Kōshi had cried plenty of times throughout life,but his mother had raised him with the knowledge that no man was worth his tears. His mother had raised him to be strong and kind and to just unapolegtically be himself,but here he was,crying on the couch over some cheating asshole. 

Gripping his hair tightly,Kōshi sobbed into his elbow,knowing his relationship with Daichi had ended for a reason. He had never thought Daichi would cheat on him,but he understood why,and he hated himself even more for trying to be understanding about it. He hated himself for not valuing his own feelings enough to be angry,and he hated himself for knowing he would forgive Daichi for it. 

Too lost in thought to be aware of his surroundings,Kōshi was oblivious when Tōru returned half an hour later. Carrying the bags inside,Tōru froze when he saw Kōshi’s position,knowing he was crying. He didn’t know what to say or what to do,but he wanted to help,so he set the bags aside and walked over,grabbing Kōshi’s wrists and pulling the boy into his chest as he sat down beside him. 

“It’s okay to cry,Kōshi.” Tōru said softly,the other boy shaking his head and sniffling. “It’s okay to be hurt,Kōshi.. It’s okay to feel,Kōshi..” Tōru whispered,not letting the boy go. Kōshi’s eyes filled with tears as he listened to his roommate speak,the boy letting out a sob as he broke down. The only thing he needed to hear was that it was okay for him to feel this way. 

It took nearly an hour for Kōshi to stop crying,the boy apologizing through his sniffles for soaking Tōru’s shirt. Tōru just laughed it off,before he stood up and walked over to the bags,picking them up and walking back over. 

“We still have a bunch of icecream in the freezer,right? I bought a bunch of your favorite snacks,so how about we watch movies all night tonight? You can cry as much as you want,alright?” Tōru asked,Kōshi sniffling and nodding. 

“Promise you won’t be upset?” Kōshi asked softly,his voice cracking as he spoke. 

“Of course. You’ve helped me a lot since I moved in with you,so it’s my turn to help you.” Tōru said,grinning. Kōshi just nodded slightly,curling up on the couch with the boy and staring at the television as Tōru put on a movie. 

**_You've watched the shows_ **

Kōshi’s second big breakdown over the break-up had occured while they were watching an anime together. Tōru hadn’t even panicked over his tears,just pulling his roommate into his chest and rubbing his back comfortingly. Neither boy needed to speak for the rest of the night after that,taking comfort in the fact that they had each-other. 

**_What's the best way no one knows,ye_ **

“Tōru,what’s the best way to forget him?” Kōshi asked a week after the break-up,the other boy looking over at him from the kitchen. 

“The best way,huh?” Tōru asked,chuckling slightly. “You know I’m still not over Iwa-.. Well,I’m still not over Hajime,so I’m not sure.. I don’t think anyone knows the best way to get over someone they once loved..” 

“Should I move away or something? Should I cut my hair,or ignore everyone,or.. Or what?” Kōshi asked,sniffling as he wiped at his eyes. He had been trying to stop himself from crying so much,but it felt impossible at this rate. 

“You don’t have to do anything like that,Kōshi.” Tōru said,walking over to him from the kitchen and putting his hand on the back of the other’s head,pressing Kōshi’s face into his shirt. “Just cry for now,alright? And after you’ve cried as much as you can,you’ll start to feel a little better..” He added,Kōshi gripping onto him tightly and letting out a sob. 

**_Meditate, get hypnotized_ **

“Kōshi,how come you’ve started to meditate recently?” Tōru asked a week and a half after the break-up. 

“I heard that it’s a good distraction that teaches mindfulness.. Anyways,do you happen to know a hypnotist?” Kōshi told him casually,looking over at him from his spot on the floor. Tōru nearly choked on his water,coughing and sputtering. 

“A hypnotist…?! What the hell would you need a hypnotist for..!?” Tōru asked,staring at him in shock. 

“To get hypnotized,duh.. I heard some people have used hypnotism to get rid of their problems.” Kōshi said,making Tōru laugh. 

“Kōshi,just take care of yourself. You don’t need a hypnotist to help you cope.” Tōru said,the other boy just pouting a little. 

“Fine,but I’ll try it one day..” Kōshi muttered with a childish pout. 

**_Anything to take it from your mind_ **

“Kōshi,don’t you think it’s about time that you stop drinking for tonight?” Tōru asked his roommate,who had been drinking since late afternoon. 

“Nahhhh… I’m goodddddddd…” Kōshi giggled slightly,gripping the can in his hands even tighter. “I wannaa.. Uh,I wanna see… Um,Dai.. Daichiiiiiiii….” 

“You know that you can’t see Daichi,Kōshi.” Tōru sighed,ruffling Kōshi’s hair. It had been two days since the boy had picked up meditation to distract himself from the heartbreak,but Kōshi was still just as desperate for his ex. “Listen,you should get laid down,okay?”

“I’m fineeee!!” Kōshi whined,puffing his cheeks out as he stared up at Tōru. “I’m kinda sleepy,though..” 

“I know you are,you didn’t sleep much last night..” Tōru sighed,taking the can and setting it off to the side before picking Kōshi up. He ignored the pain from his knee as he carried Kōshi to his room,laying him down and tucking him in. “Now get some rest,okay?” 

“Stay with me..” Kōshi muttered,looking up at him with a slight pout. Tōru just nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed in silence,staying next to the boy until he was sure Kōshi was fast asleep. 

**_But it won't go, ohhhh ohhh_ **

The nightmares began halfway through week two after the break-up. 

“Tōru.. Tōru,wake up..” Kōshi whimpered out,shaking his friend awake. It was nearly two in the morning,and Kōshi felt bad about waking his roommate up,but he didn’t want to be alone right now. 

“Hm…? Kōshi,what’s wrong..?” Tōru asked tiredly,still half-asleep. He sat up and rubbed his eyes a little,looking at Kōshi in confusion. Even with the only light in the room being the t.v. and the light from the hallway lights,he could see the anxiety in his friend’s eyes. 

“I just.. I had a nightmare and I don’t wanna go to bed alone and I-” Kōshi began to ramble,Tōru cutting him off by pulling him onto the bed. 

“It’s okay,just lay down..” Tōru said,still tired. He could fight his sleep off for hours on end if it would help Kōshi feel better,though. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“It.. It was about Daichi..” Kōshi admitted as he wriggled around so he was laying down on his side,facing Tōru in the mainly dark room. “He was telling me it was my fault..” 

“He didn’t actually say that when you two broke up,right?” Tōru asked him softly,grabbing his hand and squeezing it comfortingly.

“No,but.. I feel like it’s my fault sometimes..” Kōshi said softly,gripping his hand as he let out a soft yawn. 

“It’s not your fault,Kōshi.. People who get cheated on tend to blame themselves,but it’s never their fault.. The cheater is the horrible person for betraying trust.” Tōru told him,staring at him. “The next time I see him,I’m punching him.”

“You don’t have to do that..” Kōsh muttered,letting out a soft giggle. “I could punch him myself if I wanted that..” 

“But he’s even haunting your dreams!” Tōru said,laughing a bit. “I’ve gotta hit him for that at least once!” 

“Yeah,yeah.. Thanks,Tōru..” Kōshi said,smiling at him sleepily. He was starting to fall back to sleep already,comfortable since Tōru was there. 

Tōru stayed awake for the rest of the night,soothing his sleeping friend whenever he started to have another nightmare. 

**_You're doing all these things out of desperation_ **

By week three,Tōru was suffering from sleep deprivation. Kōshi had crawled into his bed every night since the nightmares had begun,and Tōru hadn’t been able to sleep except for in class. He was happy to help Kōshi out,but his professors weren’t happy with him sleeping through his lectures. 

**_You're going through six degrees of separation_ **

Day one of week four passed uneventfully,with Kōshi still crawling into Tōru’s bed at night for some nighttime comfort. 

**_You hit the drink, you take a toke_ **

Day two of week four passed with Kōshi getting wasted and sobbing into Tōru’s chest once again. 

**_Watch the past go up in smoke, ye_ **

Day three of week four passed with Kōshi starting a diary,in which he wrote down as much as he could remember from the first day he had met Daichi. 

**_Fake a smile, yeah, lie and say that_ **

Day four of week four passed with Kōshi binge-eating snacks until he vomitted,Tōru rubbing his friend’s back to try and comfort him as he sobbed on the bathroom floor. 

**_You're better now than ever, and your life's okay_ **

Day five of week four passed with Kōshi claiming that he was fine,though he still crawled into Tōru’s bed in tears that night. 

**_Well it's not, no_ **

Day six of week four passed with Kōshi calling Tōru halfway through the day,begging him to come back to their apartment and kill a giant spider. When Tōru arrived,he hadn’t been able to stop laughing when he realized Kōshi had dressed up in a spider costume he’d worn the previous year. 

**_You're doing all these things out of desperation_ **

Day seven of week four passed with Kōshi seeming to finally be in a better headspace. 

**_You're going through six degrees of separation_ **

**_First, you think the worst is a broken heart_ **

Day one of week five,Kōshi and Tōru rushed to the hospital. 

“Hinata,I need you to meet me at the hospital,alright? Kei said that Tadashi’s hurt,so please hurry to get there with Tobio.. Yeah,I’ll handle everything.. Please just be careful,okay?” Kōshi spoke into the phone,before hanging up and calling the next person as Tōru drove. 

The two parked outside of the hospital soon after,walking into the hospital. Kōshi was terrified when he saw the blood all over Kei,but he didn’t adress it and just hugged the boy for now. Tōru was the one to bring up cleaning Kei up,even offering to leave and get some fresh clothes for the younger boy,who declined the offer. 

After they left the bathroom,Kōshi froze upon seeing Daichi talking to the receptionist. Swallowing his own emotions,he walked over and confronted him,though he didn’t make eye-contact. Seeing Hajime made his blood boil,but he didn’t act on his anger towards the boy. 

He soon returned to Kei’s side,telling Tōru it was fine for him to go talk to Hajime. Watching Tōru walk off with Hajime made him anxious,but he didn’t speak out about it. 

“I can handle Kei for a bit if you want to go with them.” Daichi said,Kōshi just giving him a glare before he sighed and walked off to eavesdrop. 

“Tōru,listen,we need to talk this out..” Hajime told the ex-setter,who just crossed his arms and stared at him. 

“What do you want,Hajime?” Tōru asked,Kōshi hearing the strain in his friend’s voice. 

“Listen,I fucked up,and I’ll admit that,but.. Fuck,do you have any idea what the hell I’ve been through since you left? Fuck’s sake,Tōru,I nearly lost my mind!” Hajime snapped,before letting out a sigh as he tried to calm himself down. 

“What you’ve been through? Seriously,Hajime? Are you that fucking selfish? Just last month you were talking as if I had broken up with you or something,but we were never dating! Our whole fucking lives I’ve sucked up to you,begging for your affection and attention,but you never gave me anything! I  _ did  _ choose Kōshi over you,because he  _ needed  _ me! You wanting me there so we could fucking drink isn’t nearly as important!” Tōru snarled,hardly able to keep himself from yelling. Kōshi listened in silence,his back pressed against the wall. 

“Why did you choose to come  _ here?!  _ I understand that I fucked up and that I hurt you,but why would you choose Karasuno over us?! Are we less important to you now?! If you loved me so much,why the hell would you leave me?!” Hajime asked,grabbing Tōru’s arm. “Why the hell would you turn everyone against me? Why the hell are they on your side? Why the hell would you ignore all of my texts and calls but answer theirs? Why the hell does everyone love you so much?” He asked,Kōshi watching as Shōyō and Tobio passed him. 

“Everyone at Seijoh means the world to me,you fucking bastard!” You fucking asshole! Shut the fuck up! You don’t know anything! I fucking loved you with everything I had,I thought you were my fucking soulmate,but you were right about one thing,Hajime,a soulmate doesn’t fucking leave! I’m not ‘Shittykawa’ anymore,alright? I’m no longer a brat that you can push around,you asshole! The only reason you’re so full of yourself is because you want me to still only think about you,but I won’t,so let me go!” Tōru shouted as he tried to jerk his arm away. Since Hajime didn’t let go,Tōru slapped him as hard as he could,jerking his arm away and stomping away,passing Shōyō and Tobio angrily. 

“You okay?” Kōshi asked,catching his wrist gently as the boy passed him. Tōru just stopped for a second,glancing back at Hajime,and then nodded.

“Let’s get back to Kei,Kōshi.” Tōru said,heading back to the blond. 

**_What's gonna kill you is the second part_ **

Day two of week five,Tōru and Kōshi both skipped their classes.

“Kōshi,what do you think is the worst part about being in love?” Tōru asked his friend quietly as he looked over at him. They were sitting on the couch,Kōshi reading a book while Tōru was watching television,when the boy asked the question. 

“I think the worst is a broken heart..” Kōshi admitted,setting his book down and looking over at Tōru. “What about you?” 

“I thinnk the worst part about being in love is not being loved back..” Tōru said softly,his eyes bloodshot from how much he had cried the previous night. 

“Yeah,that’s a bad part too..” Kōshi admitted,grabbing Tōru’s hand and squeezing it. “But thank you.. For staying with me,I mean..” 

“You were dumped,Kōshi.. I’d be a piece of shit if I had left you to go out for drinks..” Tōru said,gripping his hand tightly. 

“But you love Hajime,and you chose to stay with me instead of reconnecting with him,which means a lot to me..” Kōshi told him honeslty,smiling softly. “You’re a really good person,Tōru.” He said,the other boy starting to cry again. 

**_And the third is when your world splits down the middle_ **

Day three of week five,Kōshi asked a question during the night. 

“Hey,Tōru,what do you think is the second worst part about being in love?” Kōshi asked,half-asleep.

“What do you think it is?” Tōru asked softly,yawning a little as he held the other close. 

“Losing the people around you because of them.. What about you?” Kōshi asked him quietly. 

“Them blaming everything on you.” Tōru admitted,burying his face in the other’s hair and relaxing. “You’re warm..” He muttered tiredly. 

“Mhm..” Kōshi muttered,just snuggling closer to him. They had grown closer,and snuggling was now their nightly routine to help rid both of them of nightmares. 

**_And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself_ **

Day four of week five,Kōshi was nearly in tears when he found one of Daichi’s old hoodies in his room. 

“Kōshi..? Oi,Kōshi,what’s wrong? How come you’re crying?” Tōru asked anxiously,rubbing his friend’s back. Kōshi just gripped the hoodie to his chest tightly,burying his face in it and breathing in deeply. He could still smell Daichi’s cologne on it,his whole body trembling as memories filled him. He had been convinced that he would be able to throw it away,but he couldn’t bring himself to even think about it. 

“He.. He gave me this when we were second-years..” Kōshi whimpered out,Tōru just rubbing his back until the boy eventually calmed down. 

**_Fifth, you see them out with someone else_ **

Day five of week five,Tōru invited Kōshi out to go shopping together. 

“Kōshi,which chips should we get? They have these shrimp-flavored ones,but I’m leaning more towards the cheese-flavored ones..” Tōru asked curiously,looking over in confusion when he didn’t get a reply. His eyes widened when he saw Daichi standing at the end of the aisle,talking to a woman he didn’t recognize. He looked to Kōshi,who was staring at them with wide eyes. 

“He..” Kōshi just trailed off,unable to force the words out. Grabbing Kōshi’s hand,Tōru led him out of the aisle quickly after grabbing Kōshi’s favorite bag of chips. 

“It’s okay,Kōshi.. He’s just an asshole,okay? Let’s just go check out,alright?” Tōru asked quickly,Kōshi shaking his head and gripping his friend’s hand tightly. 

“I won’t run away this time.. Let’s just finish shopping..” Kōshi muttered,Tōru sighing and nodding. He let go of his hand and returned to shopping,anxious that Kōshi would end up breaking down. 

**_And the sixth is when you admit you may have fucked up a little_ **

Day six of week five,Tōru found Kōshi a sobbing mess on the couch. 

“He was with a girl! The same girl he always told me not to worry about! I knew it!” Kōshi wailed. He had held in his heartbreak all night,but he couldn’t hold it in anymore. 

“Shh,I know..” Tōru said,rubbing his back gently and sighing. “You were really brave yesterday,you know? If that was Hajime,I would have ran away.” 

“I fucked up by staying.. Everything hurts..” Kōshi whimpered out as he hugged Tōru tightly,the boy just rubbing his back silently. 

**_Oh no there ain't no help, it's every man for himself_ **

Day seven of week five,Kōshi had convinced himself that he would no longer cry,though he broke down halfway through the day while Tōru was in class. 

**_No no there ain't no help, it's every man for himself_ **

Day one of week six,Kōshi looked through all of the old pictures of he and Daichi,staring at them with a blank expression since he felt numb now. 

**_You tell your friends, yeah, strangers too_ **

“Yeah,Daichi and I broke up a while ago..” Kōshi told Asahi,who had stopped by for a visit. 

“I’m really sorry! I had no clue,honestly.. Daichi hasn’t been picking up my calls recently,so I just thought that you guys had argued a little,not completely broke up..” Asahi told Kōshi,who just laughed. 

“It’s fine,Asahi! Negativity begone,right? It’s for the best that the two of us broke up.” Kōshi said,forcing a laugh and a giant grin. “So Noya’s coming home soon,right?” 

“Yeah.. He’s been facetiming and calling more often recently,but that’s not that important.. Are you sure you’re okay?” Asahi muttered,nervous about pushing Kōshi too far. 

“Of course I’m okay! I’m a bit messed up right now,honestly,but I’m already feeling a bit better!” Kōshi said,grinning. “It’s been nearly a month and a half,so I can’t cry about it forever!” 

“If you say so..” Asahi muttered,clearly anxious. 

**_Anyone who'll throw an arm around you, yeah_ **

“Kōshi,how are you feeling?” Tōru asked during week seven,Kōshi just waving him off with a laugh. 

“I’m fine! I went to go and visit an elementary school today,and the kids were really cute,so I’m in a great mood today!” Kōshi said,smiling brightly. 

“Wanna go out on a ‘date’,then?” Tōru asked,throwing an arm over his shoulder and chuckling. “I wanna eat some sushi.” 

“Only if you pay for it.” Kōshi said,chuckling a bit as he looked at his friend happily. 

“Of course I will! I’m a gentleman,after all.” Tōru said,chuckling as they walked out of their apartment. 

**_Tarot cards, gems and stones_ **

“Tōru,what’s with that necklace?” Kōshi asked curiously,Tōru looking down at his necklace. 

“Ah,the gemstone? It’s supposed to help with healing,so I wanted to try it out and see if it made me feel any better.” Tōru said,rubbing the back with an embarrassed grin. Kōshi covered his mouth,forcing back a laugh. 

“Did you buy me one?” Kōshi asked,giggling a bit when Tōru held the one he’d bought Kōshi up. 

“Of course I d-.. Wait a minute,you’re laughing! That’s so mean,Kōshi!” Tōru whined,though he soon began to laugh as well when he saw his friend laughing so hard. Week eight was going well. 

**_Believing all that shit's gonna heal your soul_ **

**_Well it's not, no_ **

“So did it heal your soul?” Kōshi asked him halfway through week nine,Tōru laughing and shaking his head. 

“No,I guess not,but it does make me happy.. It’s kinda cool,right?” Tōru grinned cheekily,Kōshi just laughing at his friend’s idiocy. 

“Yeah,yeah.. Whatever you say,Tōru.” Kōshi said happily,grinning at him. 

Week nine was going well. 

**_You're only doing things out of desperation_ **

“Tōru,how are you doing after seeing Hajime for the first time in so long?” Kōshi asked during week ten,Tōru just pausing. 

“I’m glad that I could stand up to him..” Tōru said honestly,smiling at him. “It makes me happy to know that seeing him won’t make me fall apart anymore.” 

“Promise you’re doing okay?” Kōshi asked worriedly,Tōru nodding and laughing. 

“Of course.” The taller male said,crossing his fingers behind his back. “I’m not that weak anymore.” 

**_You're goin' through six degrees of separation_ **

Tōru Oikawa’s ‘plague’ began after seeing Hajime in town with Daichi during week eleven. Seeing his long-time crush laughing and talking to someone else made his heart break. 

**_First, you think the worst is a broken heart_ **

“Tōru,what’s going on? Why are you crying?” Kōshi asked anxiously when Tōru came stumbling into the house in a fit of tears. Tōru just shook his head and sniffled,stumbling over and flopping down beside him on the couch. 

“I saw him again..” Tōru sniffled after a while,wiping his eyes. Kōshi had just been rubbing his back as he cried,but the boy paused now.

“And what happened?” Kōshi asked softly,knowing Tōru needed to talk about it. 

“He was with Daichi.. And he looked happy.. As if everything that’s happened between us didn’t matter..” Tōru whimpered out,Kōshi hugging him tightly at that. 

**_What's gonna kill you is the second part_ **

Tōru’s nightmares returned to him on the second day. Back when he’d first moved in with Kōshi,he suffered horrible nightmares nightly,but those were nothing like the new ones. 

“Tōru! Tōru,snap out of it! Wake up!” Kōshi shouted as he shook his friend,who was shaking badly beside him. Tōru woke up in a fit of tears,gasping for air and choking on it as he did. He began to cough,patting everything around him in a desperate attempt to get some light into the dark room. He was terrifed,the memories of the nightmare haunting him even after he’d woken up. His coughing soon subsided,but the sobs and desperate gasps for air didn’t. 

Kōshi turned the light on,walking back over to Tōru and looking down at him anxiously. “Tōru,are you okay?” He asked softly,rubbing his back. He’d never seen the man this bad,but he knew he couldn’t do much besides be there for him. 

It took half an hour for Tōru to calm down enough to speak,the boy still wheezing a little as he wiped at his eyes. “I.. It.. My mom..” He croaked out,sniffling as he tried to gather his thoughts and prepare himself to speak properly. “I saw my mom.. And she.. She disappeared with Iwa-chan and.. And I just had to watch.. And I was alone again and then Iwa-chan was blaming it on me and I just..” 

“Shh,it’s okay.. Do you want me to make you something to drink? Maybe some tea,or do you maybe want me to make you some hot chocolate?” Kōshi asked softly,Tōru slowly nodding and sniffling. 

“Maybe.. Maybe some hot chocolate..” Tōru muttered,gripping onto Kōshi tighter. “Just… You’ll come back,right..?” 

“Of course I will,Tōru.. You might feel alone sometimes,but I’ll always be here for you,alright?” Kōshi asked softly,running his hand through the other boy’s messy hair and smiling down at him gently. “I’m right here for you always,alright? So don’t be worried about it..” 

“Thank you.. Just.. Thank you,Kōshi..” Tōru whimpered out,slowly letting go of Kōshi,who walked out to go and make him some hot chocolate. 

**_And the third, is when your world splits down the middle_ **

On the third day,Tōru didn’t have the energy to go to class or work,leaving him in bed all day. Kōshi made breakfast for him and made sure he drank some tea to help with his throat before leaving to get to his own classes,leaving Tōru alone in the apartment. 

Sitting there for hours on end,Tōru just stared at his phone blankly,staring at the texts Hajime had sent him over the last few years. The most recents ones were all begging him to meet up with him,but Tōru knew he couldn’t face him for a while. He had spent their time apart to grow as a person and to build himself back up,but he doubted he could build himself up again. 

**_And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself_ **

On the fourth day,Tōru had ‘fixed’ himself enough to go to class. He hadn’t really fixed himself,but dissociating throughout the day to cope was the best he could do for now. 

His classmates didn’t speak to him,mainly since Tōru was really quiet unless someone appraoched him first,so the boy was able to sit there in peace for the entire day. 

When his lectures were finally finished,Tōru left campus and headed home immediately,deciding he wasn’t hungry. He had hardly eaten since seeing Hajime out with Daichi,but he knew he’d be okay eventually. 

**_Fifth, you see them out with someone else_ **

On the fifth day,Tōru went out for a walk with Kōshi. 

They hadn’t expected to see Hajime and Daichi talking in the park,nor had they expected the other duo to approach them. 

“Oi,Tōru! Let’s talk.” Hajime said as he walked over,Tōru stepping back and grabbing Kōshi’s hand nervously. 

“Kōshi,we need to talk as well.” Daichi said as he approached,holding his hand out for Kōshi. “We need to work this stuff out once and for all.” 

“Fuck off,Daichi. And you should fuck off as well,Hajime.” Kōshi snapped,positioning himself between Hajime and Tōru protectively. Despite his short stature,an angry Kōshi was something even Daichi feared. 

“Listen,I don’t want to argue about this stuff,alright? I just want to talk to Tōru,that’s all.” Hajime sighed,running a hand through his hair. 

“If you two want to talk to either of us,we’re doing it as a group. I’m not leaving Tōru alone with you for even a second.” Kōshi snapped,gripping Tōru’s hand comfortingly. 

“I won’t leave Kōshi alone with Daichi,either.” Tōru said,finally able to speak. The other boys looked at one another and nodded,both of them sighing. 

“Can we go back to your place,Kōshi? It’s closer than mine is,and I doubt you two want to talk about this in public.” Daichi told him,finally lowering his hand. 

“Hell no! Bringing someone into your house that you don’t even want to be alone with is a bad idea.” Tōru answered for his shorter friend,glaring at Daichi coldly. “Especially someone who certainly knows how to get handsy.” 

“Shut up about that,you fucking asshole!” Daichi snapped,Kōshi punching him in the stomach. 

“Negativity,begone!” Kōshi shouted,pulling his hand back and smirking as he stared at the now doubled-over Daichi. “If you talk negatively about Tōru again,I’ll punch you even harder. Same goes for you,Hajime.” He warned,shaking his hand out with a threatening smirk. “We’ll be talking here.” 

“This is a pretty public place to be talking about sensitive information..” Hajime muttered,Tōru sighing. 

“If it’s something you two aren’t comfortable talking about in public,why even try to bring it up to us? It’s clearly something you guys aren’t comfortable about.” Tōru said,pulling Kōshi away calmly. “Let’s just leave,Kōshi. They’re not worth our time.” 

“Tōru! Shittykawa,listen to me! You can’t just leave me again!” Hajime said as he followed them,grabbing Tōru’s free hand. “You don’t get to just run away from me!” 

“Let go of him.” Kōshi snapped angrily,falling silent when he saw Tōru’s expression. 

“Hajime.. You’re really a fucking idiot,aren’t you? I left you because you don’t love me. I left you because you’re manipulative. I left you because you were fully fucking aware that I loved you,and that I would’ve screamed it to the whole world,but you would never say it back. I left you because I spent my whole life chasing after you,begging for you to look at me even a little bit,and you ignored me. I left you because I couldn’t handle it anymore..” Tōru told him,jerking his arm away and looking at the boy angrily. “I left you because you’re not Iwa-chan,you’re just Hajime! Iwa-chan died the day he seriously told me to fuck off! Iwa-chan died the night he lied to me about dating Hana! Iwa-chan died the day he turned his back on me and didn’t wait for me to catch up! Iwa-chan died the night I lost my mother,when he didn’t even call me back! Iwa-chan died the day I left that fucking place,so shut the hell up! You have no idea how much pain I’ve been in!” He said,his voice getting louder with each word until he was yelling. Hajime stepped back in shock,terrified since he had never heard Tōru so angry. 

“It’s okay,Tōru.. Let’s just leave,okay?” Kōshi asked him softly,putting a hand on his shoulder gently. “It’s not worth it,okay?” 

“Kōshi,do you fucking love him!? What the hell has been happening between you two for the last two years?! You’re mad at me because I cheated,but you’re like this with him all the time!” Daichi asked angrily,reaching out to grab Kōshi’s arm. Tōru grabbed Daichi’s wrist,his grip tight enough to leave bruises. 

“If you even try to hurt Kōshi,I swear I’ll break that fucking face of yours,you scumbag.” Tōru spat coldly as his grip tightened even more,Kōshi just squeezing Tōru’s other hand tighter. 

“Listen,let’s all meet up and talk tomorrow,okay? Let’s all take the night to calm down,and then meet up at a bar tomorrow,okay?” Hajime asked,finally recovering from his shock. 

“Go fuck yourself.” Tōru snapped at him angrily,shoving Daichi back and glaring at Hajime. “I won’t be there.” 

“I’ll talk to him about it,but neither of us are going to forgive you assholes.” Kōshi said,Tōru pulling him away,leaving the other duo there in silence. 

**_And the sixth is when you admit you may have fucked up a little_ **

“Tōru,let’s go.. It’s about time.” Kōshi said softly,his friend sighing as he finished brushing his hair. 

“I don’t understand why we have to do this,Kōshi..” Tōru said softly,annoyed that his friend had convinced him to go. 

“We need to end this or else they’ll bug us forever,Tōru.. Daichi knows our address,after all..” Kōshi said,Tōru just sighing and nodding. 

“Fine,fine..” He muttered,heading out of the apartment with Kōshi. 

Half an hour later,and the four were sitting at a table together,staring at one another in silence before Daichi began to speak. 

“I’m gonna lay out the ground rules,alright? There will be no yelling while we’re talking,and absolutely no attempts to get physically violent this time. If either Hajime or myself try to touch or hit either of you,I promise that we’ll never contact either of you again.” Daichi said. “Are those acceptable terms?” 

“Fine,but don’t expect us to forgive you.” Kōshi said after looking at Tōru for confirmation. “Which of you two will be pleading your case first?” 

“I guess I will.” Hajime said,sighing and running a hand through his hair. “Tōru,listen,I fucked up an-” 

“You ‘fucked up’? No shit,Hajime. If you’re just gonna say that you feel bad for it,don’t bother.” Tōru interrupted. “Hurry up.” 

“At least let me talk..” Hajime sighed,running a hand through his hair. “I could spend every day of my life apologizing for hurting you our whole lives,but that wouldn’t make up for it,and I’m sorry about that,but people make mistakes.. I ignored what you were going through because I expected you to just stay by my side always,and I know that’s an absolutely stupid mindset,but that’s how I felt back then.. I felt like.. Like no matter how far ahead of you I would run,you’d catch up before I even realized it.. I don’t expect you to forgive me,but please trust me when I say I’ve been in love with you for years.. I’m still ‘Iwa-chan’.. You’ve never lost me,and you’ll never lose me,even now.. I’m not ‘Iwa-chan’ or ‘Hajime’,I’m both.. I’m stubborn,and I’m selfish,and I’m an asshole,and yeah,I should be crying and begging you to even consider giving me a chance as friends right now,but I’m in love with you.. I’m completely,utterly,pathetically in love with you..” 

“Stop lying,Hajime.” Tōru said,gripping Kōshi’s hand under the table for comfort. “I don’t believe it.” 

“You don’t have to believe me,you just have to listen to what I’m trying to say..” Hajime ran a hand through his hair,sighing as he did. It had been a nervous habit he had picked up from Tōru years ago,and he’d never quite outgrown it like the other had. “I don’t know what the hell I could say to get us to start over,Tōru,but I don’t want to lose you.. I don’t want to see you walk away from me again.. I want to see you next to me when I wake up every morning,and I want to see your face right before bed.. I want to kiss you and spoil you and just..” He took a deep breath and sighed,Kōshi just gripping Tōru’s hand tighter underneath the table. “I just want  _ you  _ back.. I’m a piece of shit for ignoring all of the pain you’ve been through,and I’m an even bigger piece of shit for causing the majority of the pain you’ve been through.. I don’t want to go through life knowing I broke my soulmate.” 

“Your soulmate..? Fuck,Hajime,you..” Tōru took a few deep breaths to keep himself from shouting at the boy. “You don’t listen to me even now,do you? You said it yourself,but soulmates don’t walk away.” 

“They  _ do  _ walk away,Tōru. My mother walked away from your mother,and you walked away from me.. Plenty of soulmates walk away,because being in love is fucking difficult,and you know that better than anyone,so please.. Please,just listen to what I’m asking.. Please,forgive me and love me again and stay with me,because I hardly know a ‘me’ without you..” Hajime pleaded,his eyes filling with tears. “I need you to forgive me,even if you won’t love me again..”

“Why do you feel like I have to forgive you,Hajime? After everything,I don’t know if I even  _ could  _ forgive you..” Tōru told him. His mother had told him years ago about how she had loved Mrs.Iwaizumi,but hearing Hajime talk about his mother upset him still. 

“Because I need it,Tōru.. I need to know you don’t hate me for hurting you,and that there’s hope that you could one day forgive me for all of this shit..” Hajime sniffled,wiping at his eyes. He had cried often since Tōru had left him,but crying in front of Tōru angered him. He didn’t want to look pathetic in front of him. “You’re everything to me,Tōru.. From day one,I thought you really  _ were  _ Prettykawa,and I know you might never believe that,and that’s my fault,but there are so many things I’ve ignored my whole life just because I was afraid..” 

“ _ You  _ were afraid?  _ You?  _ Your mother and father are both accepting,so what the hell were you afraid of?” Tōru asked,hardly able to keep himself calm. 

“I was afraid of losing you,Dumbasskawa.. I..” Hajime took a deep breath and sighed. “Our whole lives,we’ve been together.. We’d never once been apart before you left,and I thought we’d never change,even if we developed feelings for each-other or other people,and that was a dumbass idea.. I thought,that whole time,that you and I could be friends forever.. At first,I thought that you’d be fine,even after I realized you were in love with me,so I didn’t say anything.. But then you got into that fight back in middleschool and you got hurt and I was fucking  _ terrified  _ that someone would hurt you and take you away from me,so I stopped everything between us that would set us apart.. The handholding,the kissing on the cheek,all of it.. Fuck,it was horrible when you did it,but I thought it was better than watching you get beat up again.. I always called you ‘Cowardkawa’,but you’re the brave one,you know? You protected me from so much,but I always treated you like a burden,and I’m fucking sorry about that,but I can’t change the past..” 

“Hajime,please just st-” Tōru began,his own eyes filling with tears now. He had never considered the fact that Hajime could have been scared,but he couldn’t just forgive him for everything in the past just because of that. 

“I won’t stop,Tōru,because I can’t just walk away from you and leave you behind.. I won’t ignore your pain anymore,so please,just give me one more chance to make you smile..” Hajime pleaded,tears rolling down his face. “Please,I need you in my life..” 

“I.. Just one more chance,Hajime.. I can’t forgive you overnight,so don’t expect things to return to how they were,and if you fuck up again I won’t give you another chance..” Tōru choked out between his own tears,finally releasing Kōshi’s hand as he began to wipe at his own tears. 

“Thank you,Tōru.” Hajime sniffled,wiping the tears out of his eyes as he looked at the boy’s face. Tōru had changed so much in their time apart,but Hajime knew he could recognize him no matter how many years passed.

“Of course,Iwa-chan..” Tōru sniffled out,wiping his tears away and looking at Hajime. Seeing Hajime’s face properly after spending so long just staring at pictures and running away from him felt strange,but it made him a little happy at the same time. Seeing Hajime crying over him made him strangely happy as well,though he would never tell Hajime that aloud. 

**_No there's no starting over_ **

**_Without finding closure_ **

Once Tōru and Hajime had both calmed down,Daichi decided it was his turn to talk to Kōshi. 

“Kōshi,listen,I need to explain everything,okay? Don’t interrupt me,alright?” Daichi asked,Kōshi narrowing his eyes into a glare. 

“ _ That’s  _ how you start off? Seriously,Daichi?” Kōshi asked in annoyance,making the other male sigh. 

“Kōshi,seriously? Can’t you at least hear me out properly? I want to give you some closure..” Daichi asked,already a little annoyed. 

“Fine,but I don’t plan on forgiving you,Daichi.” Kōshi said,squeezing Tōru’s hand,which had returned under the table after his heart-to-heart with Hajime. 

“You don’t need to forgive me,either.. You forgiving me isn’t why I’m here.” Daichi sighed,before taking a deep breath. “Listen,I kissed her  _ once  _ when I was drunk,and you  _ know  _ that it was only once,so I don’t really understand why you told the others that I had been cheating on you for months.” 

“You got her a fucking  _ ring, _ Daichi!” Kōshi snapped. “So it wasn’t just ‘one kiss’. I could have forgiven you if you had been drunk or sick or if you weren’t completely normal,but you  _ were!”  _

“Kōshi,I didn’t get her a fucking ring. My mom gave me the old engagement ring that my father had given her because she thought I was dating Yui,and you know that I can’t come out to my parents!” Daichi snapped,growling. 

“And I couldn’t either! Do you remember how my dad beat my ass when I did,right before I moved out? Do you remember how my mother cried and begged me to ‘pray it away’? Do you remember how my little sister was sobbing when I had to pack my bags and leave,or how my little brother wouldn’t even look at me?” Kōshi growled,gripping Tōru’s hand hard enough to bruise it. 

“Of course I do! I had to hold your dad back!” Daichi snapped,sighing. “Why do you have to bring that shit up right now,Kōshi?” 

“Seriously?! Daichi,I left my family for you. I came out,knowing fully well that they’d react that way,because I wanted them to know about how I felt about you. I didn’t want to hide how I felt towards you from anyone,because I wasn’t ashamed of it.” Kōshi spat,glaring. “I wanted everyone in my family to know that you weren’t just a friend to me.”

“I get that,but that’s not the same for me. I’m not ready for them to know,and you need to respect that.” Daichi sighed,tugging on his hair to distract himself from his anger. 

“I  _ did  _ respect that,and I still  _ do, _ but I can’t accept the fact that you actually turned around and went on a ‘pretend date’ with Yui. I can’t accept the fact that you introduced her to your parents as your ‘girlfriend’. I can’t accept that you don’t value our relationship enough to understand that.” Kōshi snapped,Tōru flinching at the grip on his hand. 

“I’m not coming out just because of you,you fucking idiot!” Daichi shouted as he stood up,reachign out to grab Kōshi’s arm and jerk him up as well. Tōru stood immediately,his hand moving without hesitation. Hajime wasn’t able to move on time to stop the hand that flew across Daichi’s face,though he hadn’t exactly tried that hard to stop it. 

“You set the terms yourself,Daichi. If you  _ ever  _ try to contact Kōshi again,I’ll personally beat the absolute  _ shit  _ out of you.” Tōru spat,his eyes cold as he glared at the man. Daichi froze up at that,realizing what he’d almost done. 

“Fuck.. I didn’t mean it,Kōshi..” The ex-captain whispered,his eyes full of shock. 

“You said that pretty often even while we were dating,Daichi.. It’s over now,so please keep your word.” Kōshi said as he stood up,a bit uneven on his feet. He was terrified of Daichi’s ‘moodswings’,and he’d been on the receiving end of the man’s anger quite a few times that hadn’t ended so well for him. If Tōru hadn’t been there,he was certain he would have gone home with bruises. Tōru just wrapped an arm around Kōshi’s shoulders and led him out,Hajime standing and following them out in silence. 

**_You'd take them back, no hesitation_ **

**_That's when you know you've reached the sixth degree of separation_ **

“Kōshi,are you sure you’ll be okay going out alone?” Tōru asked his friend worriedly. 

“Of course I am.. It’s been a month,Tōru,I can’t stay holed up in home all day.. Besides,you’re planning on moving back in with your brother eventually,right? I can’t rely on you to be here all the time.” Kōshi told him,laughing a bit as he slid on his jacket. 

“I won’t leave if you need me to stay here.” Tōru told him seriously. “You’re my best-friend,Kōshi,and if you need me to stay,I will.” 

“You shouldn’t say that,dummy! Imagine how heartbroken Hajime would be if he heard you call me your best-friend.” Kōshi said,laughing. “Geez,Tōru,I’m an adult.. I appreciate that you’re worried about me,but it’s not good for the two of us to keep living together. I need to learn to cope on my own.” 

“If you say so..” Tōru muttered,sighing a bit before holding Kōshi’s wallet out to him. “Just be careful today,alright?” 

“Yeah,yeah.. I’ll see you later,alright?” Kōshi said,chuckling as he grabbed his wallet. Tōru just nodded and waved as Kōshi shut the door,the boy starting his walk to the store. 

Seeing the sun again was a bit blinding for Kōshi. After a month spent curled up in his house,he had to blink a few times to adjust to the light. After he had almost been hit again by Daichi,the boy had been too anxious to leave his house,leading him to hole up in his room with only Tōru to talk with in person. Shōyō and Tobio had visited him a few times,but he’d never opened his bedroom door. Tadashi had talked to him a few times over the phone,as had Asahi,but he hadn’t been very talkative during those calls. 

The shopping went well,with no weird run-ins or any creepy strangers,but the walk home had him nearly panicked when he saw Daichi. The taller male was covered in bruises and had his arm in a cast,but Kōshi didn’t plan on saying anything until he realized he looked ready to pass out. He took a few deep breaths before he walked over,barely able to keep himself from running away. 

“So who beat your ass?” Kōshi asked,grabbing Daichi’s good arm and pulling it over his shoulder to support him a little. He was terrified,but he felt like he’d be anxious all night if he didn’t help the male. 

“I was careless while working a case and got hurt because of it.” Daichi said,not looking at him. He was full of regret,but he couldn’t bring himself to look at the male’s face. He couldn’t imagine facing the boy he thought of as utter perfection. 

“You deserved it,then.” Kōshi told him,walking with him slowly. 

“Yeah.. You used to tell me not to be stupid every morning before I went to work,but I’m always gonna be an idiot,I guess..” Daichi muttered,keeping his eyes ahead. “I.. Listen,I’m sorry..” 

“Save it,Daichi. I don’t even want to hear your apologies this time.” Kōshi told him bluntly. 

“Kōshi,I came out to my parents.” Daichi told him,almost falling forward when the other stopped abruptly. He turned to look at him,his eyes widening at the shocked expression on the ex-setter’s face. 

“How.. Well,how’d they take it?” Kōshi asked,struggling to regain his composure. 

“They were upset.. My dad hit me and yelled a lot,but we’re already back to talking like always,and my mom told me she’d already had her suspicions.. I know you don’t want to hear me apologize anymore,because saying ‘I’m sorry’ is useless,so I felt like I needed to show you that I regret everything..” Daichi admitted. “I’m gonna start taking some anger management classes,alright? And I’m gonna try and repent for everything I’ve done,one step at a time,until I can earn your forgiveness..” 

“That.. That’s not enough..” Kōshi muttered,sighing a bit as he grabbed Daichi’s arm and wrapped it around his shoulders once again. “I can’t forgive you just because you want me to,Daichi.” 

“I know,and I’m sorry,but please give me a chance to make it up to you.” Daichi told him softly,the two finally arriving outside of Daichi’s apartment. 

“I’ll think about it,but you have to get your anger under control first.. And you have to stop talking to Yui completely..” Kōshi said,sighing. Daichi relaxed at that,hope filling him now that he knew there was even a possibility that he could get his boyfriend back. 

“Of course.” The ex-captain said. 

**_Oh, no there's no starting over_ **

**_Without finding closure_ **

A year passed by before Kōshi felt comfortable dating Daichi once again,though it was only after Daichi had taken extensive anger management therapy and countless apologies did Kōshi even consider it. Tōru had been a bit pissed off about Kōshi forgiving the other male,but he eventually accepted it once he realized Kōshi looked happiest when he was with Daichi. 

**_You'd take them back, no hesitation_ **

**_That's when you know you've reached the sixth degree of separation_ **

Another year passed by before Daichi proposed to Kōshi,and he did it in the dumbest way possible. 

“Kōshi,listen,I know we’ve been dating for a year now,but I think it’s time we break up..” Daichi said as he watched his boyfriend cook. Kōshi froze and turned to look at him in shock and confusion,Tōru struggling to get out of Hajime’s lap. Hajime just held his boyfriend down,fully aware of Daichi’s plan since he’d been told it earlier that week. 

“You want to break up? Seriously?” Kōshi asked,Tōru breaking free of Hajime and grabbing Daichi by the collar. 

“You fucking piece of shit!” Tōru shouted,drawing his arm back as he prepared to punch the other. 

“I was trying to propose!” Daichi shouted,Hajime covering his mouth as he tried not to laugh at his idiotic friend. Tōru just stared at him in disbelief until Daichi held up the ring,and even then he punched the boy in the face. 

“I told you it was a bad idea to try and propose like that.” Hajime said once he’d regained his composure. 

“You knew he was planning it like this,Hajime?” Tōru asked angrily as he turned to his boyfriend,who looked away with a nervous chuckle. 

“Yeah.. But,to be fair,I  _ did  _ tell you that Daichi was planning something stupid..” Hajime said,knowing he wouldn’t hear the end of this. Tōru grabbed his ear and excused himself as he dragged his boyfriend out of the room angrily,leaving Kōshi and Daichi alone. 

“So.. Um.. Are you mad?” Daichi asked awkwardly,Kōshi clutching his stomach as he burst into laughter. Daichi just watched him in shock,before he began to laugh as well. 

“Are you.. A fucking.. Idiot?!” Kōshi asked between giggles when he finally had enough air to speak. “You could have done anything,and you chose that?! You scared me half to death,Daichi!” He said as he walked over. 

“It took me forever to think of it,and Tetsurō told me it would make you even happier if I proposed in a shocking way..” Daichi admitted,rubbing the back of his neck with a laugh. 

“Didn’t he pull something similar on Kenma? Shōyō called me in tears talking about how he needed to ‘go save Tetsurō before Kenma kills him’,so why’d  _ you  _ think  _ this _ was a good idea?” Kōshi asked,giggling.

“No,Tetsurō bought him a pair of gaming headphones and then put the ring in the box and hid the headphones.. The only thing that saved him was Keiji being there.” Daichi told him,chuckling. “But what’s your answer? Will you marry me,Kōshi?” 

“I guess so.” Kōshi teased,laughing at how anxious Daichi looked. “I love you,Daichi,so of course I’ll marry you.” 

“Thank fuck,I thought you might seriously be debating on whether or not to accept it..” Daichi sighed in relief,before kissing him as he slid the ring on his finger happily. 

**_First, you think the worst is a broken heart_ **

“Oi,Shōyō,how are things going for you and Tobio?” Atsumu asked. A little over two years had passed since the couple had gotten back together,but Atsumu hadn’t heard much about Tobio recently. 

“Ah,he’s out of town right now..” Shōyō admitted,looking down with a frown. 

“What,you feeling broken-hearted?” Atsumu teased,ruffling the shorter boy’s hair playfully. “Don’t worry about it,alright? I’ll set a bunch of balls your way today,’kay?”

“Yeah,I’m feeling broken-hearted.. I wanna see Stupidyama’s stupid handsome face.. This is the worst..” Shōyō mumbled,puffing out his cheeks cutely. Atsumu just laughed as he watched,thinking the sulking boy was adorably pouty as always. 

When practice was finally over,Atsumu watched with a smirk when he saw Tobio walking into the gym to surprise Shōyō,who launched himself at his boyfriend when he noticed him. Watching the shrimp be so happy with Tobio made Atsumu happy,since he knew fully well that Shōyō looked happiest in Tobio’s arms. 

**_What's gonna kill you is the second part_ **

Two years had passed since Tadashi’s attempt on his life,and the boy was now flourishing in his relationship with Tsukishima. Some days his depression hit harder than others,but he always had Tsukishima there to hold him when he felt bad. 

**_And the third, is when your world splits down the middle_ **

Two years had passed since Keiji had his last huge fight with Kōtarō,and the two had officially moved into their own apartment next to Kenma and Tetsurō’s apartment. It had been a pain in the ass to convince Kōtarō that he could just walk next door to talk to Tetsurō instead of talking through the wall,but Keiji couldn’t complain much considering how much he enjoyed hanging out with Kenma. 

**_And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself_ **

Two years had passed since Kenma had been proposed to by Tetsurō,and yet the two had yet to plan a wedding. Tetsurō was absolutely against Kenma’s idea of a videogame-themed wedding,and Kenma was absolutely against Tetsurō’s idea of a ‘super sexy cat-eared wedding where only Kenma wears cat ears and instead of a suit he has to wear fishnet stockings and high heels’,so the duo had decided against even discussing the wedding for a while. 

**_Fifth, you see them out with someone else_ **

Two years had passed since Kiyoko had officially been proposed to by Ryūnosuke,and she was living life rather happily. She was happy when she ran into Hitoka,who was out on a date,but she found herself a tiny bit sad that the girl was no longer ‘her cute little puppy kouhai’. 

**_And the sixth is when you admit you may have fucked up a little_ **

Two years had passed since Yū had returned home to Asahi,who had greeted him in tears at the front door. He had decided to stay at home with his boyfriend after that,realizing he had fucked up by leaving him alone for so long. He had scolded the other Karasuno members for not taking good enough care of his boyfriend during his absence,though he was actually really happy that Asahi had been so willing to wait for him.

**_No, no, there ain't no help_ **

Two years had passed since Kentarou had angrily confessed to Shigeru,who had been smug about his kouhai’s love for him. The two cocky bastards had enough salt to almost make a full Kei Tsukishima,which confused people as to why the man that seemed ‘like a rabid dog’ was never ‘biting the kid with him’. The petty duo terrified people,and there was no helping you if you got caught in their arguments. 

**_It's every man for himself_ **

Two years had passed since Keishin had left Karasuno in the care of his boyfriend,Ittetsu. As confident and casual as Keishin loved to live his life,he knew better than to test Ittetsu’s patience,so he ended up quitting smoking due to the other’s insistence. He knew that if Ittetsu were ever to get truly angry,it’d be every man for himself. 

**_You're goin' through six degrees of separation_ **

Two years had passed since Tōru Oikawa had forgiven Hajime Iwaizumi,but after Daichi’s proposal,he had told Hajime straightforwardly that if he tried to propose in a similar manner,he’d be dragged out in a bodybag. Hajime ended up proposing normally,but Tōru still cried for hours on end before positing all over social media about how lucky he was. 

**_No, no, there ain't no help_ **

**_It's every man for himself_ **

Two years had passed since Morisuke had started dating Lev,or the ‘cat tree’ as Morisuke liked to call him. It was a pun on the fact that they had gone to the ‘cat school’,which had taken him the entirety of their relationship to come up with. Morisuke loved to call Lev the ‘cat tree’ whenever the other called him ‘demon senpai’. 

**_You're goin' through six degrees of separation_ **

Keiji was too busy babysitting his boyfriend to focus on the days that passed,but he was thankful everyday that he had met Kōtarō. Keiji hadn’t realized it when he was younger,but sometimes honeybees and fireflies needed each-other to be happy. 

**_No, no, there ain't no help_ **

**_It's every man for himself_ **

Five years had passed since Tōru had left Hajime,and two years had passed since they’d gotten back together,but Tōru finally realized that soulmates sometimes walk away from each-other. Tōru finally realized that being someone’s soulmate doesn’t mean you’re always with them,but that you left such a big impact on them that they couldn’t be themselves if they’d never met you. 

**_No, no, there ain't no help_ **

**_It's every man for himself_ **

Kei didn’t even keep track of the time that had passed,mainly since he didn’t care about anything besides making Tadashi happy. He hadn’t realized it when he was younger,but he understood now that sometimes a freckled boy that loves limp frenchfries and trying his best at things is your soulmate,and that they deserve to be kissed and hugged all day and night. 

**_No, no, there ain't no help_ **

**_It's every man for himself_ **

Tobio had been absolutely full of pride when his boyfriend had earned his first gold medal at nationals,and had proposed on live t.v.,much to Shōyō’s embarrassment. He hadn’t realized it when he was younger,but sometimes the word ‘partner’ wasn’t just used for a teammate in volleyball,but someone you adored. 

**_You're goin' through six degrees of separation_ **

It takes a long time for some people to fall in love,and it sometimes takes an even longer time for some people to fall out of love,but love is love. Whether it be between childhood friends,a setter and his spiker,or a setter and his captain,or between anyone and anyone else,love is love. It’s beautiful,and painful,and sometimes it completely destroys you just to build you back up again,but that’s what love  _ is.  _ Love doesn’t need to  _ be  _ or  _ do  _ anything to you or for you,but it’s always a part of who you are. The people you love,the people you’ve loved,and the people who love you,always change you in different ways. Be grateful for the life you’ve lived,and for the love you’ve received. 


End file.
